Once Upon a FanFiction
by Crossover Delinquents
Summary: Random crack parody involving your favorite childhood fairy tales gone wrong, with the help of your favorite and not so favorite Naruto characters.  Contains Yaoi, Yuri, and mild language.  Viewer discretion is advised!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

* * *

"Welcome one and all to our randomness!! May I humbly introduce myself, for I am the Great Authoress The Hikari Within, but you may just call me Hikari," Said Authoress smiled widely before continuing, "I am about to tell you a magnificent tale of love, sorrow, adventure, drama, and many other things I don't feel like naming off at the moment! Yes, this is the best story you shall ever read for it combines all the wonderful classics. Beauty and the Beast, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella—"

"Hikari! You have a job to do remember …" Stated Hikari's friend … who had been standing off to the side all along with a somewhat annoyed expression upon her face.

"Oh! Silly me! I neglected to introduce one of my best buddies and Co-writer to this magnificent story!" Hikari gasped sheepishly, "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you to the Great Sand Tessen!! Unfortunately our third Co-writer, Charmed, isn't around at the moment, other wise I'd introduce her as well, but—"

"Job, Hikari! Job!!" Tessen shouted. Hikari let out a frightful squeak before hiding behind a random tree.

"Okay! Okay!" Hikari sobbed before slowly trudging off.

"Despite the fact that we have everything planed for this story we still lack one major element … our characters," Tessen sighed, "That is the task that myself and Hikari have been assigned. Unfortunately, we realize that no character would possibly want any part in staring in a story about fairy tales … So we must drag them out of their homes by force!"

"Force!!" Hikari repeated somewhere off in the distance.

"Of course, we as mere common fan girls have no powers of ninjutsu nor genjutsu and not even taijutsu. However, we do hold the power of the pen as Authoresses … technically keyboards, but that'll come later," Tessen explained, "Besides, we fan girls also wield the power of knowledge! We know their every weakness and we'll do everything to exploit it!"

"Yeah! You tell 'em Tessen!!" Hikari shouted from behind a bush.

"Didn't I tell you to get to work?" Tessen grumbled.

"I don't see you doing your part either …" Hikari muttered.

"Fine. You have your list. I have mine. Let's go!" Tessen shouted before heading into the Hidden Leaf Village, followed closely behind by Hikari as she hummed a happy tune.

…

Hikari was merrily skipping down a random street of the Hidden Leaf Village when she spotted her first target of the day. He was easily spotted amongst the crowed. Shoulders hunched, hands firmly placed in his pockets, I-hate-the-world disposition, and the giant Uchiha fan upon the back of his shirt. Yes, Sasuke gave himself away quite easily. A grin spread across Hikari's face as she dug through her bag-o-goodies before whipping out a dark and mysterious robe and taking her place.

"You … Uchiha boy …" Hikari spoke with a fake, raspy voice. It was a damn good thing she had a hood on because there was no way in hell she could ever keep a straight face.

Sasuke paused in mid-step as he glanced down the alleyway where Hikari stood, hiding her form within the shadows to give her appearance a more dramatic effect.

"Come here, boy."

Sasuke entered the alley but kept his distance. His dark eyes scanned over the figure before he spoke, "What do you want?"

"I think the true question is 'What do _you_ want?'"

"I don't have time for this," Sasuke spat as he turned to walk away.

"You seek your brother, correct?"

Sasuke yet again froze, "How do you know about my brother?"

"Follow me … I'll show you the way …"

"Why are you doing this?"

Hikari sighed. Why did he have to make this so difficult?! "Do you want me to show you to him or not?!"

"I guess …"

"Then shut up and follow me!" Hikari hissed before walking away, and, sure enough, Sasuke took the bait.

…

"…so that's pretty much the whole idea," Tessen finished explaining. She paused and waited for the information to sink into the two ninja's skulls when – suddenly – the youngest let out a burst of emotion all at once. It was almost too much for Tessen to take.

"What a marvelous idea!!" The energetic Lee proclaimed.

"Such a splendid display of youth!!" Gai joined in.

"So … does this mean you'll help?" Tessen questioned.

"But of course," Gai replied, "You have our full and complete cooperation!"

"Great! Now if you would please just follow me to th—"

"Beep!! Beep!! Move it!!" Hikari shouted as she literally flew past the group with what looked like a bowl of Ichiraku's ramen in hand.

"What the—"

"Thief!! Give me back my ramen!!" Naruto roared as he charged through the group, nearing running Lee over in the process of rescuing his beloved ramen.

"Such a fiery display of youth!" Lee gasped. Gai silently agreed with a vigorous nod, tears about to stream forth from his eyes.

"Follow me," Tessen sighed as she began walking in the same direction Hikari and Naruto had run off in.

…

An hour later Tessen and Hikari had successfully captured three more ninja. The first was Choji who was easily bribed with an 'all you can eat buffet.' After him was Sakura. Just mentioning Sasuke's name was enough to get her to follow the two fan girls. Then there was troublesome Shikamaru. He was the reason why the two were so far behind in gathering their beloved ninja. Why was he so troublesome? Because Tessen and Hikari spent forty five minutes dragging him out of the village on his mattress; that's why.

After a brief rest, the two split up once again, targeting an older generation of ninja this time.

"I see you're a proud fan of Make-out Paradise," Tessen stated.

The silver haired ninja lowered his book and stared down at Tessen with his one visible eye. She had his attention.

"What ever makes you think that?" Kakashi replied, sarcasm dripping from every word before he continued reading his book.

"What if I told you that I have a never released copy?"

"You have my attention …"

Tessen held up said book, "I can see that you are a huge fan—"

"Number one fan," Kakashi quickly corrected.

"Number one? Impressive," Tessen stated, "That gives me an even greater reason to give you this book … the only copy ever printed."

Kakashi was practically drooling by this point, "How much do you want for it? I'll pay any price!"

"If you want the book … You'll have to help me."

"Of course!" Kakashi agreed without even bothering to ask what kind of task he had to do.

"Great! Follow me, please," Tessen smiled as she walked off with an obedient Kakashi following along behind her like a lost puppy.

…

"Jiraiya! There you are, you handsome man you!" Hikari shouted after finally spotting the old man, "I'm been looking all over the village for you!"

"You have?" Jiraiya questioned, "What for?"

"I'm sure you've already realize this, but you've become quite the talk of the town amongst the female population."

"I have?!" Jiraiya all but gasped.

Hikari gave the old man a nod, "Yeah, isn't it obvious? I mean, look at you." Jiraiya grinned like the perverted old man he was before Hikari decided to continue, "As we speak women are gathering in a secret area just outside of the village so they can _meet you personally_. It was just a wild idea I though of when I was having a little girl chat with my friend. I'd really hate to disappoint them, but if you don't want to—"

"I'll do it!" Jiraiya shouted, "I mean, what kind of gentleman would I be if I kept all of those lovely women waiting on me, only to never show."

"You wouldn't be a gentleman at all."

"Exactly!" Jiraiya beamed, "Now, if you could please take me to the women?"

"Sure! Follow me!"

Five minutes later the two arrived at a rather large building with only one door and tiny barred windows circling the highest point of the building. Jiraiya stared at the structure for a moment before casting Hikari a questioning glance.

"This is it?"

"Yep, just head right on in," Hikari spoke as she unlocked the heavy metal door and pushed Jiraiya inside.

"Oi! Pervy Sage? What are you doing here?"

"Naruto?!" Jiraiya gasped right as the air tight, pressure lock door slammed behind him.

"This is just too easy," Hikari giggled before smiling at her friend.

"Who's next on our list?" Tessen questioned.

"Let's see … We can mark off Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, Shikamaru, Jiraiya, Choji, Gai, and Lee," Hikari stated as she read through the list, "How about you go after Hinata, Kiba, and Shino, and I'll get Ino, Tenten, Sai, and Neji."

"Neji?" Tessen questioned, "You must have forgotten to mark him off the list."

"Oh yeah! He was the first one captured … Poor sap …" Hikari giggled as her and Tessen exchanged an amused glance.

"Then after that we can go after the Hokage and Shizune together?"

Hikari gave her friend a nod, "Then it's off to Sand Country!!"

"Sounds good to me."

"Do you have the supplies?" Tessen gave Hikari a small nod, "Then we're off!!"

…

On her way into the forest where team eight was often spotted training, Tessen ran into the young heiress of the Hyuuga clan. A smile graced her lips as she quickly made her approach.

"Hinata!" Tessen gasped, putting her theater classes to the test, "Naruto needs your help!"

"N-Naruto needs _my_ help?" Hinata questioned, "W-what for?"

"It seems he's been … kidnapped, by … a crazy woman!" At least she didn't have to lie to her.

"B-but what about his team?"

"I don't know, nobody can find them," Tessen stated, "They think the woman kidnapped them as well."

"W-w-what am I s-supposed to do?"

"I can show you where she's keeping them …" Tessen replied, "But I wouldn't worry too much, she's not a ninja."

"T-then how did she—"

"We must hurry, Hinata! There's no telling what she'll do to them!" Tessen cried as she gently pushed Hinata in the direction of the building.

A smile graced Tessen's face after she successfully captured Hinata. Oh yeah, her theater classes paid off. Now all that remained were Kiba and Shino, and since Hinata was already kidnapped she could easily use her as a back up plan. Fortunately, on her way to their building, Kiba spotted Tessen running off with Hinata. Curiosity got the best of him as he leapt from the trees and landed directly in front of the two. Tessen nearly had a heart attack as she skidded to a stop while Hinata was used to it.

"Who's she?" Kiba questioned as he pointed at Tessen, "A new friend?"

"U-um well, she says that Naruto's been captured a-and n-n-needs my help," Hinata softly replied.

"That's just like Naruto to let himself get captured," Kiba spat.

"Why don't you come with us?" Tessen asked before leaning in so that only Kiba could hear her, "Wouldn't it be great to rub it in his face later that _you_ saved_ him_?" Kiba gave the girl a toothy grin as Akamaru barked playfully.

"I like the way you think," Kiba chuckled.

"Good, then I don't have to use flees," Tessen muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing! Nothing!" Tessen gave a nervous chuckle, "Let's get going!!"

After Hinata and Kiba were _safely_ locked behind the door, Tessen continued on to find her remaining target. Unlike Kiba and Hinata, Shino was much harder to find, but she found him nonetheless.

"S-Shino?" Tessen called, catching the male's attention, even though he showed no sign of listening, "Could you please come with me? I need your help."

"What for?" Shino questioned, his eye remaining fixed on the bug upon his finger.

"Well, there's this thing … and I can't do it without you?" Tessen muttered, unable to think of anything better at the moment.

"I'm sure you can find someone else." Tessen sighed as she dug around in her bag for a moment before wiping out a can of bug spray.

"If you don't come with me then I'll be forced to use this on you …" Tessen grumbled. Shino remained as clam as ever as his hidden eyes studied the girl.

"You're a very bad liar."

"Don't call my bluff!!" Tessen growled, "I _will_ use it!!"

"Why are you being so persistent?" Shino questioned, "Is this_ thing_ really that important?"

Tessen lowered the can of bug spray, "If I say yes will you come with me?"

"No …"

"What if I say that I have your other team mates?"

"Then I wouldn't believe you."

"Really? And you're not the least bit curious as to why they haven't showed up for training yet?"

Shino sighed, "Where are they?"

"If you come with me then I'll show you."

Shino remained silent for a moment as if in deep thought before finally agreeing to follow after Tessen. '_Three down and none to go_,' Tessen thought to herself with a bright smile across her face. She had completed her task, now it was all up to Hikari to finish hers as well so that they could go after the remaining eleven ninja.

…

Hikari's first target of the day was not so easily spotted. Not only that, but to find her target she lost her way in the forest, but she would never openly admit that. However, it was the ninja who quickly spotted her and pulled out a kunai before realizes that she was just a _harmless_ civilian.

"Can I help you? Are you lost?" Tenten questioned.

"Actually … Yes you can, but I believe it's your team mates who need you more than I do," Hikari stated.

"What are you talking about?" Tenten question, her head tilting to the side ever so slightly as she examined the girl.

"I have the rest of your team held captive in a private location," Hikari replied smugly, only to be laughed at by the girl with buns atop her head … which didn't make Hikari feel any better.

"You're funny," Tenten giggled, "But really, what do you want?"

"I'm serious!" Hikari whined, "I have your team mates!!"

"Really?" Tenten still wasn't convinced.

"Tell ya what," Hikari sighed, "If you come with me you can rescue your team _and_ I'll give you a shiny new weapon!"

"What kind of weapon?"

"One that you probably don't have in your vast collection," Hikari stated smugly, "It comes from a far away country …"

"What country?"

"Do you want it or not?!"

"Well … yes!"

"Then follow me!" Hikari chirped as she skipped off, followed by a skeptical Tenten.

The trip back to their secret base took far longer than planed considering Hikari was utterly lost, but after a good hour of walking the two eventually arrived at the building. Once Tenten was locked in with all the others, Hikari headed for her next victim, one much easier to find. A few minutes later, Hikari entered a flower shop and was greeted by her blonde target.

"Hi! Can I help you find anything?" Ino questioned with a smile upon her lovely face.

"Sadly, I'm not here for flowers … you see … I just saw Shikamaru with Tamari and-"

"WHERE?!" Ino roared.

"Uh … H-heading for an abandoned building outside of the village," Hikari managed to choke out underneath Ino's heated stare.

"Take me there NOW!!" Ino shouted as she literally dragged Hikari out of the flower shop, flipping the 'closed' sign over on her way out.

Ino was the easiest one to capture, and to be honest, Hikari felt a little sorry for the sleeping Shikamaru when Ino stormed into the building screaming his name. '_What a horrible alarm clock …_' Hikari thought to herself as she headed out for her last target; Sai. This ninja was also another hard one to find as she thoroughly searched the Hidden Leaf Village up, down, and inside out … yet she still couldn't find the boy. She was about to give up when surprisingly she found him standing on a bridge; obviously waiting on his captured team mates to show up.

"Sai!" It was in that moment when Hikari realized that she didn't have a plan to capture this ninja, so instead she decided to try a _very_ direct approach, "I have your team members held captive."

Sai raised a questioning eyebrow, "You have my team members held captive? … Sure …"

"No, honestly I really do. Naruto was captured by his love for ramen, Sakura with her love of Sasuke, and Kakashi with his love for his trashy romance novel," Hikari explained, "Ya see, my friends and I are working on this story about fairy tales and when we realized that no one would want to be a part of it, so we decided to take them all by force!"

"And you're telling me this … why?"

"Because we want you to be a part of it."

"And how do you intend to bribe me into accepting?"

Hikari thought about it for a moment before an idea came to mind, "A library!" She gasped, "In the end, when it's all over, I'll give you Beast's Library set!"

"How many books?"

"I don't know … Over ten thousand …" Hikari replied, spewing out some random number that sounded good.

"Okay …"

"Okay?"

"I'll do it …"

"YAY!!" Hikari shouted as she bounced around for a moment, "Follow me, Sai!!"

A few minutes later, Hikari and Sai arrived at the building to find Tessen waiting outside, looking as bored as ever.

"Awww … you beat me …" Hikari sighed after spotting Tessen, "Just head inside, Sai." Sai said nothing as he entered the building on his own. "We so rock!!" Hikari lifted her hand with a wide smile upon her face as she waited for Tessen to complete the high-five.

A few seconds later, Hikari was still high-five less …"High-five, Tessen!!" Tessen sighed as he gave Hikari her long awaited high-five.

"Yes!! Off to the Hokage!!" Hikari shouted as she ran off, leaving Tessen to follow after her.

…

Tessen and Hikari arrived in the Hokage's office a few minutes later to find the drunken woman asleep on her desk … drooling all over a stake of papers. '_What a lovely site …?_' Both Tessen and Hikari sarcastically though to themselves before a panicked Shizune flew into the room.

"Not again …" The woman sighed before turning to the two girls, "Um … uh … The Hokage is a little under the weather right now, but don't be alarmed, everything is still running smoothly, so if you could just please run along and forget everything you've seen here that would be _wonderful_!"

"Actually … can we talk to you for a moment?" Tessen questioned.

"Um … okay but make it fast."

"We are in the process of making a story and would like it if you could participate."

"N-Now?" Tessen gave the woman a hesitant nod, "A-are you crazy! The Hokage's a mess! There's three weeks of paperwork that needs to be done! And on top of that I can't find team seven!!"

"Tell ya what, if you agree to help us, we'll give you a day off from the Hokage and all of this … mess …" Tessen offered.

Shizune blinked as she stared at the two, "Really? No joke? You'll give me a day off?"

Both girls gave the woman a nod.

"Okay … You've got yourself a deal!" Shizune giggled softly to herself. A day off was just what she needed.

"All right!!" Hikari cheered, "Just follow me please."

Tessen waited for the two to leave as she took in a deep breath. Maybe reasoning with a drunken Hokage would be easy. Slowly, Tessen leaned over the woman's desk and poked the drooling lump a few times before she started to stir.

"Eh? What do ya want?!" Tsunade grumbled as she slowly propped herself up on her elbows, "Do I know you?"

"I have something to ask of you, Hokage."

"Put it in writing … I'll get to it next month …" Tsunade muttered before resting her head back upon the table's surface.

"Actually I was hoping you could help me now …"

Tsunade sighed, "What?"

"I need you to help me and my friends with a story we're workin—"

"Go away, kid …"

"If you help I'll do a week's worth of your paperwork and I'll throw in some sake," Tessen spoke, catching the woman's attention.

"You've got yourself a deal," Tsunade replied as she lifted herself from the table and stumbled out the door.

"W-wait a second, Hokage! You're going the wrong way!" Tessen cried as she chased after the drunken woman.

Once both girls had managed to get the women locked inside of the building they both headed out to the Sand Country to capture their next three targets.

… In Sand Country …

"How'd we get here so fast?" Tessen questioned.

"It's the power that comes with being an Author!!" Hikari grins before becoming oddly serious, "Love it … Accept it …"

Tessen backs away slowly, "You're scaring me, Hikari."

"Sorry," Hikari giggled, "So are we going after them separately or together?"

"Do you really want to wander around this village alone?"

"Good point …" Hikari muttered, "Who's first?"

"How about the Kazekage first? That way we can use him as bate."

"Perfect idea!" Hikari smiled, "I think Charmed is rubbing off on you."

"Oi …" Tessen sighed before heading into the Village.

"Wait for me!!" Hikari cried as she followed after Tessen.

Thanks to Tessen and her amazing powers of persuasion, the two of them found themselves standing before the great Kazekage … Gaara. Hikari nearly wet her pants in excitement, and had it not been for Tessen holding her back she would have tackled the sand ninja … which would have resulted in death.

"How'd you get past my guards?" Gaara questioned.

"We have our ways …" Tessen replied.

"… What do you want then?" Gaara sighed, seeming uninterested in the two.

"We need you help—"

"For our story!" blurted Hikari.

"A story?" Gaara repeated, "If you haven't noticed … I don't have time for stories …" Gaara didn't even need to motion to the mounds of papers that surrounded him.

"We can take care of that," Tessen sighed … not looking forward to doing both Gaara's and Tsunade's paperwork.

"Why would I leave my paperwork in the hands of strangers?" Both girls blinked.

"Wow! Gaara's a hell of a lot more dedicated to his work then Tsunade," Hikari stated.

"No kidding …" Tessen sighed, "Now what do we do?"

Hikari thought about it for a moment before blurting out the first thing that came to mine, "We'll give you a cookie!!"

"What?" Gaara questioned, unsure of if he heard the girl right.

"Okay … Two cookies?"

Gaara glared at the girl as she quickly hid behind Tessen for safety.

"Uh … Well … we have Naruto. Don't you want to see him again?"

"Of course … but I don't have time …"

"Gaara!" Hikari whined, "We need you!! Please!!"

But Hikari's begging only received another glare from the male and she quickly returned to safety behind Tessen.

"Fine … you leave us with no choice …" Tessen sighed, "We have Kankuro and Tamari held captive. If you don't obey, we'll … do horrible things to them …"

"But, Tessen, we haven't—" Hikari was silenced by a swift elbow jab to the gut.

"Where are they?" Gaara growled darkly.

"In a building just outside of the Hidden Leaf Village," Tessen replied, "We'll give you a map on where to find it, but you have to go there alone."

"And when you get there you have to knock on the door three time, pause for two seconds, knock five times, pause once more, then knock once," Hikari explained as Tessen smacked her forehead repetitively.

"Yeah … what she said," Tessen sighed, "And after we have your full and complete cooperation we'll let you go along with Tamari and Kankuro."

Gaara thought about it for a moment before agreeing to the arrangement. Once Gaara was off with his map, Hikari and Tessen were off to find the siblings who were supposed to already be captured. Luckily the both of them were strolling through the town together, making their job much easier.

"We have Gaara, and if you ever want to see him again then you must **obey us**!!" Hikari shouted as she leapt out in front of the two … only to go ignored as they pushed past her.

Tessen chuckled softy to herself as Hikari turned to her with a devastated expression upon her face, "Why doesn't anyone take me seriously, Tessen?"

"Because they are ninja and you're not …" Tessen stated before approaching the two sand ninja, "Fine, don't believe us … but we have pictures?" Tessen hands over the pictures with a smug smile.

"These are drawings …" Tamari stated.

"Horrible drawings …" Kankuro added.

"I'd like to see you do better!!!" Hikari roared before storming off.

"Uh ... right," Tessen sighed, "If you don't believe us then go see for yourself. I promise you that he won't be found."

The two siblings stared at the girl for a moment before realizing that she was speaking the truth.

"Fine ..." Tamari sighed, "Take us to Gaara ..."

…Back at the Building…

"Charmed!!" Hikari cried as she entered the building and instantly ran to her friend, "Kankuro said my drawings were horrible …"

"Awww … It's okay … He didn't mean it," Charmed cooed as she hugged Hikari, "Um … where is Tessen?"

Hikari sniffled, "I … um … left her back in the sand country …"

"Uh … y-you just left her?" Charmed questioned, "Are you sure you should have done that?"

"Tessen will be fine, she has the power of persuasion," Hikari replied before changing the subject, "So ... How's guard duty working out for you?"

"It's pretty fun actually," Charmed spoke, "I find it amusing when they finally realize that there is no escaping and give up. Well ... most of them. Shino, Shikamaru, and Choji didn't really try to escape."

Hikari gave a small nod moments before there was a knock at the door. There was a pause before they began knocking again. And then another pause followed by one final knock.

"Who the heck is that?" Charmed questioned as she approached the door.

"Oh!! That's Gaara!!" Hikari cheered, "I told him to knock like that … just for fun."

Hikari rushed past Charmed and allowed Gaara to enter. Naruto gasped as he leapt up from the corner of the room and shouted, "No, Gaara!! It's a trap!!" But the door slammed behind the Kazekage before he received the chance to escape.

Gaara scanned the room realizing that Tamari and Kankuro were no where to be found, but instead there was a high number of Hidden Leaf ninja. He then turned to Hikari before questioning, "How did you get here before me?"

"It's the power that comes with being an author."

"Where are Tamari and Kankuro?"

"Oh, they'll be here shortly," Hikari replied with a wide smile, "Until then why don't you hang out with Naruto and await your doom – er ... I mean when ...wait until we need you ..." Gaara glared at the woman, "... Cookie?"

Before Gaara received the chance to kill Hikari, the door opened and in entered Tessen along with Tamari and Kankuro. Nobody really bothered to warn the two this time and Tessen closed the door behind her.

"What's going on?" Kankuro questioned.

"That will be explained once everyone arrives," Tessen explained before approaching her two friends, glaring at Hikari, "You left me."

"... I ... Love you, Tessen!"

"... You _left_ me!"

"I'm sorry!!" Hikari sobbed as she hid behind Charmed.

"You lived ... that's all that matters," Charmed spoke as she smiled at the angry Tessen.

"Anyway ..." Tessen sighed as she pulled out a sheet of paper from her back pocket, "We have a problem ..."

"What kind of problem?" Charmed questioned.

"How are we going to get Orochimaru and Haku when they're dead?" Tessen asked.

There was a silent pause before Hikari blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Ouija Board!!"

Tessen sighed, "Go for it ... but I will have no part in this."

"Okay!" Hikari chirped, "What are you going to do until then? We still have others that need to be captured ..."

Tessen paled, "B-but I don't want to go after the members of the Akatsuki alone ..."

"Hmmm ... Gai and Lee know what's going on, why don't you take one of them with you?" Hikari suggested.

"That could work, I guess ..." Tessen replied before leaving in search of the green clad ninjas.

"Okay let's do this!"

... 10 Minutes Later ...

"Who turned off the lights!" Ino screeched from the far corner of the room.

"I can't read my book ..." Kakashi complained.

"I'm hungry ..." added Choji.

"Geez, people, could you just be quite for a few minutes?!" Charmed grumbled.

"I'm a little hungry too ..." Hikari muttered as Charmed let out a heavy sigh.

"Can we just get this done?" Charmed spoke as she seated herself on the floor next to the Ouija board followed quickly by Hikari.

"How do we work this thing?" Hikari questioned as she began lighting the rest of the candles that surrounded the two.

"You suggested this thing and you don't even know how to work it?"

"Pretty much."

Charmed sighed, "Okay, we'll just go with the flow. Put your hands on the guider thing." Hikari did as told, "Spirits ... We call to you ... We seek—"

"What the heck are you guys doing?" Naruto questioned. Both girls peered up to find the young blonde, as well as several other ninja, standing around them.

"We're trying to open a gate to hell to bring back Orochimaru, now leave us alone because it requires the utmost concentration," Charmed snapped, watching as the ninja slowly backed away, except for Kakashi, who was using the candle light to read.

Sasuke glared down at the two women, "What?!" Sasuke all but screamed as he pulled out a kunai and held it to Charmed's throat.

"Are you trying to threaten me?" Charmed growled.

"I-I wouldn't do that if I were you ..." Hikari spoke, "Do you want to end up like Neji?"

Sasuke thought it over for a moment before retracting his kunai, "What are you going to do with him when this is over?"

"Send him back to hell, probably," Hikari replied.

"Can I be the one to do it?"

"Sure!" Satisfied with the answer, Sasuke creped back into the dark shadows of the room with an evil glint in his eyes.

"Now ... let's try this again ..." Charmed sighed.

Honestly, Tessen was** not** looking forward to her next task, but with both Gai and Lee on her side she wasn't _too _worried. The Akatsuki were not a group to be messed with, and definitely not by someone with no kind of fighting skills. But Tessen had the power of persuasion. She could get through this. Yeah ... no problem.

After heading out, Tessen decided that she would work her way through the small list going after the hardest to capture to the easiest to capture. Her first target was ... Kisame.

Tessen gulped as she approached the blue skinned ninja ... alone. But, to her surprise, Kisame spoke up before she even received a chance with a, "What the hell do you want?" The strange male glared down at the girl as he slung his sword over his shoulder.

"I-I'd like it i-if you came with me ... please?"

Kisame chuckled at the girl, "And why should I listen to you?"

"B-because ... I have ... fish food?" Tessen somewhat stated as she shook the small container of fish flakes around, only to receive an aggravated stare from the male, "Sushi?"

Without a word, Kisame snatched the plate of sushi from the woman's hands before walking off.

"H-hey! You can't—"

"I can't what?" Kisame growled before popping a bite sized morsel into his mouth, showing off his razor sharp teeth.

"I ... uh ... If you don't do what I say I'll ... do horrible things to Itachi!"

Kisame laughed, "And I should care, why?"

Tessen blinked, "I give up ..."

Without warning, Gai and Lee leapt from the trees and beat the blue skinned Akatsuki with a random heavy object, knocking him out instantly. Both green clad ninja struck a victory pose before lifting up the fallen ninja.

Next, Tessen went after one that she would be able to reason with, Deidara. All she had to say was, "I can get you away from Tobi" and the man was hooked. Over all, Tessen was pleased with her first two captures as she lead the way back to the building. She was even more amazed that Deidara didn't care that they were dragging around an unconscious Kisame. He only chuckled at the poor sap before asking if he could force feed him some clay.

"Is _this_ Orochimaru?" Charmed sighed ... this being their tenth try. The small guider moved to the word 'Yes' causing both girls to gasp.

"Yay!!" Hikari cheered, moments before the only door into the building was opened, flooding the room with light and blowing out the candles with a gust of wind.

"NOOO!!!" Both women screamed, their connection with the spirit world lost.

"Now remember Deidara, if you kill anyone I'm locking you in a room with Tobi," Tessen threatened as the blonde rolled his eyes at the woman while entering the dark building, "Hikari, can you please help me?"

"With what?" Hikari questioned.

"Capturing the last two Akatsuki members," Tessen sighed, "Kisame was hard enough, I don't think I can handle Itachi ..."

"B-but I'm helping Charmed raise Orochimaru from the dead ..." Hikari stated.

"It's okay, I'll get someone else to help," Charmed spoke before shouting, "Who wants to help me summon Orochimaru?!" Silence, "I'll give you a cookie!" More silence, "A hug?" Silence continues, "Damn you all to hell!!"

"I'll be quick about capturing Itachi so I can help you," Hikari stated as she locked her arm with Lee, "Come, Lee! Let the power of youth guide us to victory!!"

"Yes!" Lee beamed as the two ran off, followed by a tearful Gai and an exhausted Tessen.

"So ... who wanted to help me?" Charmed questioned as she fumbled for a match to relight the candles.

"I'll help ..." A voice spoke, who was a little too close for Charmed's liking as she quickly lit a candle to find out who was so eager to bring Orochimaru back from the dead. And, honestly, she wasn't too surprised to find Kabuto sitting across the Ouija board from her.

"How'd you get in here?" Charmed questioned, "And how did you know I was bring back Orochimaru?"

Kabuto pushed his glassed up the bridge of his nose, "I have my ways ..."

"Creepy ... but okay!" Charmed smiled as she lit the rest of the candles.

Thirty minutes later, Hikari and Lee managed to find Itachi by his lonesome. Honestly, they didn't have much of a plan, so Hikari just pushed the boy into the open and told him to go with the flow.

"Itachi!" Lee shouted, catching the males attention, "I challenge you!!"

"...Who are you?" The Uchiha questioned, even though he didn't seem interested.

"I'm Lee!! Your biggest RIVAL!!"

Itachi scanned the boy before turning away, "... You're not a threat to me."

"You have no right to judge me before the battle has even started!" Lee growled.

The green clad ninja continued to ramble on with a speech about the spirit of youth, and his vigorous daily training when Hikari jumped out from a random bush and beat Itachi over the head with a frying pan. The Uchiha was out cold ... and Lee was still yakking.

"Good job, Lee," Hikari spoke, patting the boy on the shoulder, silencing him.

"You really think so?!" Lee gasped as Hikari gave him an enthusiastic nod.

Elsewhere, Tessen was convincing Tobi that their story idea was the most wonderful idea in the universe. Luckily Tobi was a 'good boy' and agreed to help the troubled Tessen with her story ... since he had nothing better to do at the moment. Now all that was left were the dead characters ... little did she know that Charmed already had that covered.

Tessen and Hikari arrived back at the building a few minutes later only to find that all hell had broken lose, but not literally. It also didn't help that Tessen walked in with Tobi by her side.

"Hey!" Deidara screamed from the back of the room, "What is _he_ doing here?!" Tobi pointed to himself in confusion as he looked to Tessen for an answer.

"So much for sneaking you in ..." Tessen sighed just as Sasuke stormed past her.

"Get away from me," Sasuke growled darkly as he glared back at the pale man known to all as Orochimaru.

"But Sasuke-kun, didn't you miss me?" Orochimaru teased.

"Can I send him back to hell now?" Sasuke growled.

"No, we need him later," Charmed growled.

"I don't understand why I'm here," Haku spoke with a gentle voice. He seemed almost scared to be surrounded by all the screaming and complaining ninja.

"Yes, explain to us why exactly we are here," Neji spoke up. The room feel silent as all eyes turned to the silver-eyed ninja ... with colorful ribbons tied in his long chocolate locks. Naruto was the first to break through the silence with a fit of laughter, followed by attempted muffled laughter from several other ninja.

"Neji!!" Charmed squealed as she tackled the ninja.

"Okay ... it looks as if we have some explaining to do," Tessen sighed before clearing her throat, "We have gathered –"

"Kidnapped," Charmed corrected.

Tessen continued without skipping a beat, "—you here today to be part of our story. Hikari, who was currently passing out the script, and I ask that everyone follow the script."

"Or there will be hell to pay ..." Hikari muttered, "Remember ... we lured you here, we know your weaknesses."

Tessen rolled her eyes, "We ask that you cooperate with us, or else your needs will not be met."

"I don't see why I have to cooperate, you've already screwed me over ..." Deidara grumbled as he glared at Tobi, who still seemed confused.

"Ah but we never said how long we would keep him away from you."

"Loophole!" Charmed giggled.

"Anyway, our first story is Beauty and the Beast," Tessen stated, "Those who are needed for the story please follow me for costumes."

"Do we have to?" Tenten sighed.

"The quicker you get this over with the sooner we'll let you go," Tessen replied as everyone reluctantly followed her.

... And thus began the Parody of the century!!

* * *

Hi! This is Charmed! -Waves excitedly to the crowd- Tessen told me that _we_ needed to do a Disclaimer and a Warning. Well she said Disclaimer; I added the warning apart, but it's still needed. So here it is: (my thoughts) 

**Charmed**: We claim no ownership of anything you recognize, which includes but not limited to Naruto characters, any and all of the fairy tales we are using (destroying) in the process of this story. In saying that, we state, for our own defense, that we have not stolen i.e. kidnapped any of the Naruto characters (expect Neji), we have borrowed them. Also this is a product of our combined (me, Tessen, and Hikari) boredom (insanity) and is purely for our pleasure and amusement. We share it in hopes that you'd find it as amusing as we did.

That being said, we don't want any flames stating that "YOU SUCK!" Be more imaginative, like YOU LICK SHOES (I don't know where that came from) Also add a plural noun to that, like YOU GUYS (or better yet GIRLS) that way when I read the reviews I know it isn't directed completely at me but us as group. –smiles- That being said we don't mind Flames we just prefer more detailed ones, like instead of just YOU SUCK, tell us why we SUCK! (If you don't I won't be held accountable for my response. –Evil smile-)

**Charmed**: okay I think that was all Tessen told me to say, -checks over the script- yep everything.

**Hikari**: -Gasps- You read the script!!

**Charmed**: I know!! Aren't you proud of me Tessen?!

**Tessen**: -nods-

**Hikari**: Hmm … I thought you would be more excited than that …

**Charmed**: -about to cry-

**Hikari**: -pokes Tessen- Show more enthusiasm!

**Tessen**: -sighs- Thank you, Charmed! -pats Charmed's head-

**Charmed**: Yay!! Anyway, on to the warnings! As stated before this is our combined insanity and each person gets their own chapters. Each chapter is a completely different person, which you will soon find out. And it's up to that person what happens in each chapter, so if you are reading a really insane chapter either by Hikari or myself (Charmed). Then please take notice that nothing is safe. So far Tessen hasn't allowed us to kill anyone (sadly) so that's safe for now. But there will be slash; Yaoi mostly (Hikari can't stop herself) and a little Yuri. There will be violence and mature content, mostly in my chapters but also in Hikari's well actually some in Tessen's too, –Taps lip in thought- I think that's everything. Oh! On a personal note, I will not stand for hate mail from other fan-girls especially Sasuke or Neji ones, yelling at me, for my injustice of them.

First off, Sasuke deserves it, stupid emo.

Secondly, you'd kidnap Neji if you had the chance so –sticks out tongue and clutches chibi Neji-

Okay that's everything…….. Why are you still here……. –glares at them-

-Gets hit with script- WHAT THE HELL!

**Tessen**: Behave.

**Charmed**: You hit me!

**Hikari**: You should be used to that.

**Tessen**: Are you saying I'm abusive?

**Hikari**: Only to Charmed.

**Tessen**: No, I hit other people lets see there's …

**Hikari**: See!

**Charmed**: … I feel loved!

**Hikari**: Of course you are –hugs Charmed-

**Charmed**: Yay! –hugs back-

**Tessen**: -sighs-

**Charmed**: Aww, Tessen doesn't feel loved.

**Tessen**: What?!

**Charmed and Hikari**: -jumps on Tessen hugging her-

**Charmed Hikari and Tessen**: -pile of love hugs on the floor-

**Shino**: -walks in- … Odd –turns and walks out-


	2. Beauty and the Great Green Beast

Beauty and the Great Green Beast

-Girl with brown hair and thick glasses walks out on stage and promptly trips-

"Damn floor. Need to get that fixed. Right. Hi! I'm Tessen, or Sand Tessen if you want to be formal. I will be uh...'directing' the story called Beauty and the Beast, it's one of my favorite fairy tales and I hope you enjoy our take on it."

-checks notes-

"Yeah that's it. Enjoy!"

-----------------------------------------

AN: I'm going with the original more than the Disney movie version for this story. The reason being that the plot line is easier and I don't have to deal with a Gaston character; but I am using some of the movie elements. Example: The father is not a merchant like in the book, but an inventor in the mov… (Remembers who the father is)…uh, maybe he is an inventor. We will see.

---------------------------------------

"Naruto" Speech

-Naruto- Sound effect or note

_Naruto_ Narration

Naruto Action

-----------------------------------------

Lights come on to a set of a house. A girl with her hair in buns and brown eyes is sitting at a table and looking a little surprised at the sudden brightness.

_-cough- Once a long time ago…_

"WHAT THE HELL!"

…_Problem?_

"Where are you?"

_In a sound booth. Are you ready?_

"No! Why am I on a stage? I thought you people were going to give me a new weapon…and my team mates."

_That's after you do some stuff for us. In this case; acting out fairy tales for the amusement of our readers…which I hope we have a few of…_

"Okay. Well what I'm I suppose to do?"

_Have you read the script?_

"…I have a script?"

…_okay then. SOMEONE is not doing their job. Hang on._

Tenten ducked as a large script book was thrown at her head. The papers landed with a thud on to the table in front of her. "Beauty and the Beast? Never heard of it."

_Well…it originated in Europe so I suppose you wouldn't unless you have seen the Disney version._

"What's Disney?"

_Uh…it's a corporation that makes movies and runs some theme parks. They have a mouse for a mascot and the main logo is two big ears that look a little like your... You know it's not that important right now. You don't know the story. I'm the narrator so just listen to me and you will know what to do._

"Okay. But according to this thing I have two sisters and a father."

_Right I haven't gotten to that part yet. Give me a minute and I'll start the story._

"Right. I just sit here?"

_Yep. Okay I'll start now._

----------------------------------

_Once upon a time there lived an invet… (Do I really want to go with this?...no, I don't) There lived a…health instructor who had three daughters. _

Quite suddenly a tall man in a green jumpsuit and black bowl cut hair jumped in from the right stage door.

"TENTEN! My sharp minded student. Why are you just sitting there? There is much to be done!"

Tenten, who hadn't even jumped at the entrance, looked up from the script to see her teacher. "Hey Gai-sensei. How are you?"

"Fine! But I wonder where your other teammates are."

Tenten flipped a page over, "I don't know about Lee but Neji is back stage with multy-colored bows in his hair, tied to a chair, and seems to have shrunk about three feet."

"AH! Then we must…he's what now?"

_The man had three daughters. One was named Beauty and was a very caring individual. The other two sisters. however, were not very caring at all. They were very greedy and vain. _

A young woman with four blond pig tails came out dragging another girl with blue hair and white eyes out on to the stage.

"Come _on_. Do you want to help your teammates or not?" asked the blond.

The blue haired girl was trying rather disparately to get away from the other, "B-but Temari-san. This can't be a good idea. I-I can't act and I don't think I can be mean to…"

"Look. Just act like you really don't like her. It's not hard."

"Mainly because you don't have to act most of the time."

"Shut UP Bun head!"

"BUN HEAD! Even with out my weapons I can still knock you out!"

"Maybe you should try that since your weapons didn't work last time!"

Hinata was rather silent threw out this argument but did have anime tears running down her face. Whether this was because Tenten and Temari were arguing or because Gai was trying to get her to run laps with him will be left up to the reader.

_Ah, the dysfunctional…family. Maybe I should have thought this casting out a little more…Anyway, one day the father had to go to a…training convention far away. While preparing for his trip…yes, you need to leave the poor girl alone now and pack…he asked his daughters what they wanted as a gift from his trip._

"I don't really want anything but that weapon you promised me…and my teammates."

"I don't suppose my brothers are around here somewhere?"

"Ca-can I go home?"

_-sigh- Right well the oldest sister wanted a…beautifully decorated fan and the youngest sister wanted a mirror._

"According to the scr-script the youngest sister is me, right?" asked Hinata.

_Yep._

"Um…sorry but I don't really want a mirror…"

_You want a mirror._

"Hm…sorry, no I don…"

_**You want a mirror.**_

-Eep!- "Okay, I would like a mirror. If it is not too much trouble," she said as she ducked her head down.

_Okay, and the middle daughter, who only really wanted her father to return home soon, asked for a rose when he insisted that he get her something._

"Ino is more likely to ask for a rose isn't she?"

_Will you people just let me get on with it?!_

-fhf- "Fine."

_Thank you. The father left for his trip but did not do very well at the convention. He did so poorly in fact, that he even left with out the gifts that he had promised his daughters._

"Oh! That's awful that you did so badly, Gai-sensei. You will do better next time, I am sure of it," said Hinata.

_Yeah, it gets worse. The fath…Wait a minute, you three were suppose to be off set right now…and the scenery needs to be changed too! Where's the palace? …SET! Change the set!_

The lights are suddenly cut off and come back on to Gai standing in a palace entrance hall. He was reading a large script.

"Yosh! I am rather tired from my long journey; surely the master of the house will not mind me staying the night."

_SOMEONE WHO IS READING THE SCRIPT!!! YOSH! …-cough- Yeah. I don't say that. Anyway, a sudden storm had delayed the father more than he thought it would, but he had seen a light in the forest just off the trail home. He decided to stop and see if the master would mind letting him stay the night._

_In the palace he found a bowl of soup and warm bread for his dinner._

"I shouldn't eat this if it's the master's meal. It's rude."

_But hunger got the better of him_

"I'm not hungry."

_That's okay. It's fake food anyway. After his meal he traveled up the stairs to find a bed chamber ready for him._

"I think the stairs are fake too."

_-twitch- Just listen to me for now okay? So, the next morning he woke up to find breakfast and his bags packed for his trip home._

"That was a very short night."

_-Twitch-_

"Ah…well. I best be off!"

_But before he could get to the gate he saw the rose bushes in the gardens and remembered how his daughter had wanted just one rose. One rose, he thought, will not hurt. The master is very kind; he will not mind._

"This is vandalism! I refuse! Tenten didn't want one anyway," yelled Gai.

_IT'S NOT VANDALISM! It's the script. Pick the dang ROSE!_

-huff- "Violent. You need more sleep! If you excise more often then you would sleep better!"

_Pick it darn you._

"Fine."

_As he picked the red rose a great roar was heard._

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

…_oh hell._

"LEE! EXCELLENT ENTRANCE! I WOULD NOT HAVE ACCEPTED LESS FROM MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT!"

"GAI-SANSEI!"

A very sudden wave background was seen for thirty seconds before disappearing.

_Great. I can't even get a proper set crew, but these two have their own affects department. …Okay here is what we are going to do. You all know how this story goes. The 'beast' gets angry, the father tell him about his daughter, and the beast demands that he brings his daughter to him or the beast will kill him. Let's just skip to the part where beauty is coming to the palace. That work for everybody? Okay._

------------------------------------

Lights come up on stage with Tenten, once again, sitting at a table. Temari walked in pulling Hinata with her.

"Are we suppose to be sad about her going to live with the Beast or what?" asked Temari.

_Your not suppose to know anything right at the moment. –sigh- oh well. Your suppose to act upset but in reality your happy about it._

"I'm not happy about it," said Hinata.

_That's nice...where that heck is Gai?_

"He is not coming," Shino walked out on to the stage. "He asked if it would be okay if Tenten just came to the other part of the set by herself."

_...dang it. I knew I should have tried harder to get Kiba to play the Beast. Fine. Lets have a quick set change...I SAID A QUICK SET CHANGE! That's it; after this story I'm going to have a word with the set department. _

---------------------------------------

_After receiving a...letter from her father Beauty went the beast's castle after exchanging tearful goodbyes to her sisters._

"I thought you said we were happy that she was going?"

_YOU ARE BUT YOUR MEAN AND...I've lost the will to fight this out. Just exit off the stage; you don't come back anymore anyway. _

_Okay right. So anyway, Beauty went to the castle to rescue her father from the beast. _

"Hello? Uh, Father?"

-pulse-

"Where are they?"

_-sigh- Good question. Shino?_

Shino entered threw a door on the right. "They are right behin... -BANG-"

_Shino?_

"ouch"

_...we don't have insurance; walk it off. Anyway, as Beauty's father entered and saw his daughter her rushed to her side to tell her to go back home before the Beast showed up._

"TENTEN! My blossoming student! You have to see the tower on the third level! It's full of b... –WHACK-

_How unfortunate for the distress father; he was hit with a rather large script. But! Not before exchanging goodbyes with his daughter who refused to let him die just to keep her from the Beast._

"...I've never seen anyone knock Gai Sensei out before."

_After the father had left...Kakashi! No I don't have your book yet. Can you drag Gai out? Thanks. At any rate, after the father had left Beauty meet the Beast._

"...should I be worried? Because so far I'm not really scared about anything except flying scripts."

_Out from the shadows came the beast. He had long black hair, long fangs, and yellow eyes..._

"Tenten!" said Rock Lee who looked perfectly normal; right down to the green jumpsuit and chunin vest.

_Altogether, he was...Good Gad. What happened? Where is your dang costume?_

Lee pointed off stage, "I was informed that the costumes budget had been cut in half and that I was to come out without one."

_...who told you that?_

"The youthful Hikari! She was quiet joyful about it actually..."

_...Okay then. Let us pretend that you have the right costume on while I plan to have a conversation with my friends. Altogether, the Beast was very hideous._

"Don't call Lee hideous!" shouted Tenten.

_Pretend okay?! Just Pretend! I don't really think he's hideous! He's...kind of cute, odd, but definitely not hideous._

Tenten crossed her arms, "Fine. Just as long as we are clear on that."

_Right anyway, the beast was very happy to have Beauty living with him and would often give her gifts._

"Gifts? Oh! I know! Tenten, you must see the library!" and with that Lee grasped Tenten's arm and run up the stairs.

_...there's nothing up there...Anyway, over time Beauty became use to her new home and the beast did everything in his power to make her feel at home. However, the beast could not forget his own unattractiveness and at one time tried to frighten Beauty, but the only thing that frightened Beauty was his self-hate._

_Time past and Beauty was starting to fall in love with the beast._

Tenten and Lee are seen coming back down the stairs. "You're right Lee. The library is really nice; I wonder why Sai is there though."

_Right any...WHAT LIBRARY!?!? No, wait. Don't tell me. I am finishing this story if it kills me. As I said, Beauty was falling in love with Beast._

"...I am?"

_Yes you are. It's a fairytale. It progress faster then in real life. Live with it. The only thing that Beauty missed about her old home was her father; one night she told the Beast this and he gave her a mirror._

"Didn't Hinata-san want a mirror?" asked Lee.

"I think so...although she didn't really want one I think."

"Why a mirror?" asked Lee. "Wouldn't a headset work better?"

_It's a magic mirror and I gave it to you thirty minutes ago; what did you do with it?_

"Charmed-san said she needed it for her story; so she has it."

_...fine. Uh...dangit. I'm running out of ideas..._

"How about a magic Kunai? I have one of those."

_Okay then! Magic Kunai it is...I thought we got all your weapons...nononono not the point right now. Anyway, Beauty asked the...Kunai to show her where her father is. _

"I'm asking an inanimate object to show me Gai-sensei?"

_Right there you go. Anyway, she was alarmed to find that her father was deathly ill_

"GAI-SENSEI?! DEATHLY ILL!?!? Do not worry Sensei! We will cure you!" Lee suddenly grasped Tenten's arm and ran off stage right.

_...I blinked. Where did they go?_

---------------------

Meanwhile on the other side of the set...

--------------------

Charmed, who was carrying a bag of what looked to be glitter, to the closet was suddenly pushed to the ground rather hard.

"AHA! I swear IT WASN'T MY IDEA! IT WAS HIKARI AND TESSEN; I SWEAR!"

"Charmed-san! Do you have cough syrup?"

"I didn't even know about the stick and! Cough syrup? Are you sick?"

"No! It's for Gai-sensei. He is deathly ill according to Tessen-san."

"oh. You know that's just part of her –air quotes- script right? He's not really sick. Are you okay Tenten?"

Tenten, who is not use to being pulled around by her arm at 70 miles per-hour, looked dizzy. "Fine...I think. Can we stop now or what? I'd like to go home at some point today."

Charmed looked nervous, "Uh...ask Tessen. You better get back to her set. She gets grumpy and violent when people just disappear on her."

"RIGHT!" said Lee, looking determined, "I forgot, we are very important characters in the script. Back to the stage!" Once again Tenten was feeling how it felt to be dragged 70 miles per-hour by her arm.

"Odd people..."

"There you are!" shouted Hikari as she suddenly appeared out of no where.

"I've been looking for you, where have you been?" asked Charmed.

"No where."

"...Uh. Okay! Anyway, I have the fresh glitter! Do you have the flower?"

"Yep."

"Hell-yeah! Lets go before Tessen finds out what we're doing."

------------------------------

_-looks left; then right- -sigh-_

"We are back!" Lee and Tenten suddenly come out of no where causing the narrator to fall out of her chair in surprise.

_E-gad. Okay fine. Can we conclude this thing or what?_

"Of course! What happens next?"

_-_ _cough- Beauty was vary worried about her father and begged the Beast to let her go see him if only for a little while. The Beast finally agreed but under the condition that Beauty came back in a month. She was given a horse..._

"ARF!"

_Uh...dog to ride back home on. Shino! What happened to...no never mind; forget it. But before she left the Beast asked her if she would marry him when she returned._

"I WHAT!?!?"

_You ask her to marry you when she returns...well? Go on._

"Can we skip this part?" asked a nerves Tenten.

"No Tenten! We must stick to the script!" yelled Lee, "Tenten" –thwack- "OW"

_Beauty! It's Beauty! Stay in character!_

"Ah. My mistake, Tessen-san. Beauty. Will you...where did they go?" Lee asked confused.

_Damn good question. ON TO THE NEXT SCENE!_

-----------------------------------

Temari, Hinata, and Tenten are standing next to a bed that has a still knocked out Gai-sensei in it. Akamaru was standing next to Hinata looking happy to have found **one** of he's teammates.

"He still has not woken up since Kakashi-sensei dropped him there," said Temari.

_He's still out? Dang. I know for a fact that we hit Itachi harder then that...Oh wait he's still out too..._

Sasuke's head suddenly appeared in a fake window, "What did you say?"

_Uh nothing. What are you doing here?_

"Props. Hikari said that I could get out of arts and crafts if I did props."

_Arts and crafts? –blink- I need to talk to them. Okay, thanks I think. But I didn't say anything that would have concerned you or your nut-case brother with nice hair._

"...Fine." Sasuke's head magically disappears.

_Right; back to the story. Beauty stayed with her family to help care for her ailing father but, Beauty's two sisters were very jealous of her good fortune; even though they themselves had married wealthy husbands._

Hinata looked up then, well tried; Akamaru was currently trying to lick her head, "What does that h-have to do with anyt-thing?"

_Uh...not quiet sure actually. I think it just means the sisters would be jealous of Beauty because she was doing better then them, I guess. Anyway, the sisters tried to get Beauty to tell them about the 'man' she was staying with she would not talk about the Beast in any great detail; except to tell them that he was kind hearted but had self confidence issues._

"Lee does not have self confidence issues," said Tenten, who looked like she just wanted some aspirin.

_Not the point. When Beauty started to plan her trip back to the castle her sisters, wishing to get her in trouble, convinced her to stay longer. By the time Beauty left she was a day late for her appointed time to return._

Tenten blinked, "Does that means I have to go back to the other set? What was the point of coming over here then?"

_Dramatic effect, get going; we're almost done. But upon Beauty's return she found that the castle was falling apart and looked as if it had not been cleaned in weeks. The magic of the castle was fading._

"Why does it look like the walls are made of sand?"

_I...don't know. I really need to talk to the set crew. Anyway, beauty rushed to the garden to find that the Beast was laying on the ground; dying._

"WHAT!? I leave for three seconds and Lee dies!? That's crazy."

_It's a story dear. And...-pause- _

Lee, who was not 'dying' in a cooperative manner, was standing upright and reading a script.

_Damn it. –BAM-_

_Right the Beast was dying..._

"Have you considered taking up kickboxing?" asked Tenten, "You need a rage outlet."

_-Twitch- I do not. Anyway, be sad for crying-out-loud. He's 'dying'. Sheesh._

"You hit him with a script! Who knows when he will wake up now; Gai-sensei is still out."

_Again; not the point. Beauty rushed to Beast's side...RUSH ALREADY...right. And as she cried...you're not going to cry are you?...fine...as she was deeply upset she told the Beast that she would marry him _

"WHAT?!"

_And he agreed and like magic he turned into a hansom prince, the castle was put back together, and they all lived happily ever after. THE END DAMN IT._

"Rage issues."

_-twitch- yeah maybe...-guilty- uh...is he awake yet? At all?_

"**No.** He's not. Now I have two teammates knocked out and one tied too a chair being force fed cookies. What now?"

_Uh...I don't think anyone else has you in their stories except for me...Want to be a assistant? Shino and Naruto both have that job with Charmed and Hikari but I don't have one at the moment..._

"...okay. What do we do with Lee and Gai-sensei?"

_Huh...well, they both are in the next story...grab some people, drag them back stage, and dump ice water on them._

"Sounds like a plan. What should we do now?"

_Go find Naruto and tell him that you're an assistant now and that you need the manual, I doubt he read it, and I'm going to find Shino and ask what happened to the set crew. Oh, and look for Choji; he is going to need to take over Sasuke's prop duties soon. –sound of papers being flipped threw- poor boy. He got cut from almost all the stories..._

"Lucky," muttered Tenten as she walked off stage to do as she was told.

------------------------------------

RIGHT! That's the start of our insanity. The next thing to be posted is an omake written by me called _**A Change of Scenery, **_it will be posted this Wednesday and the next chapter will be Snow White, written by Charmed, and will be posted next Sunday. Later!

Be Kind: Review. We're college students, we need all the encouragement we can get.


	3. A Change of Scenery

A Change of Scenery.

Sasuke and Naruto, who were for some reason standing beside a mysteriously unopened door, froze as the pre-mentioned door clicked. They both jumped as it was pushed rather violently to the wall.

-BANG-

"Well that sucked," said the girl who came out of the, now known, sound booth. "All the walls were green for Pete's sake. And I _know_ Gai and Lee did not do set."

Sasuke and Naruto were as still as statues as she pasted by them. "Hi guys. What's up?" she asked distractedly.

"Nothing! Nothing at all!!!" panicked Naruto.

"...that was out of character. You know that that was only the first story right? I think Hikari's next. And she'll need you Sasuke."

"Me?" he asked.

"Yeah. Anyway, be careful she likes yoai sometimes. Has ether one of you seen Shino?"

"The last time I saw him; he was near the prop table."

"Okay, thanks, Sasuke. I'll talk to you guys later. Have fun working with Hikari!"

Sasuke turned to look at Naruto, "What the hell is yoai and why should I be worried about it?"

---------------------------------

"SHINO! Why…where did you get the new glasses?"

"…No where."

"huh. Right. I want to know where this 'no where' place is. Uh…why were all the walls green? And what happened to the set crew we had?"

"The other colors for the walls are currently being used for...another purpose. However, we had an abundance of green paint. The set crew was not hired due to budget cut backs; Naruto an Gaara volunteered to paint."

"Right why...Naruto and _Gaara_ volunteered to paint? Odd. Uh...listen just give me the budget file and I'll go check everything out 'k?"

"..."

"Shino?"

"The file was...given to someone else."

"...But I gave the file to you."

"Yes, you did. I was ordered to give it to someone else."

"...The only ones who could have ordered the file to be given to someone else would be Hikari or Charmed."

"Correct."

"Ah...See you later Shino."

---------------------------------------------

"What the HELL did you guys do with the budget?!?!"

"AHAH!!!" –papers suddenly fly everywhere-

"I thought we agreed that Shi...What are you guys doing?"

Hikari held up a paper crane, "Origami. It's a stress reliever."

"...Okay. Explain to me why the set is green and made of...sand?" questioned Tessen.

"Naruto and Gar..."

"I KNOW THAT! What I mean is why did they do it instead of the set crew you guys were suppose to hire?"

"We needed the money for something more important," answered Charmed.

"What? Paper and glitter again?" joked Tessen.

-pause-

-cricket chirp-

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!"

"We need to kill that damn cricket."

"Look," said Charmed, "we just thought that the others, when they are not in a story, need something to do while they wait. So we came up with Arts and Crafts time. Paper, glue, and paint all take money. But this activity is essential to the mental health...where are you going?!"

"There is a trail of glitter leading from the front door to this closet door. Why?"

Tessen opened the 'closet door' to find a small...glitter concentration camp? Colorful paper, different glues, and sparkly paint was on high shelves that lined the room. This would be a good thing except all the 'happy campers' were about three feet tall and the shelves had to be about five.

"This is...odd."

"But," said Hikari, "They are greatly amusing when one of them try to get something on the shelf."

"This is...illegal! It's child labor!"

"NO!" said Charmed, "it's chibi labor."

"...I'm not getting my money back am I?"

"No, but! Gaara said he would continue building your sets out of sand!"

-sigh-


	4. Snow Haku

ME (Charmed): Alright this is CASTING FOR SNOW HAKU

Please step forward to receive your parts and scripts.

(No one moves forward)

I SAID PLEASE STEP FORWARD!

(Everyone makes a line)

-Smiles brightly- good.

Alright Sakura, you are the evil step mother and the queen.

Sakura: -opens mouth to protest-

-Glares-

Sakura: -walks away-

"NEXT"

ME: Shikamaru you are sleepy, one of the chibis, -starry eyes- that Haku stays with.

Shikamaru: …..toublesome….

Next!

ME: Kakashi you get to be sneezy the contagious chibi –starry eyes-

Shino you get to be Doc, due to the fact you have glasses, aren't you lucky?

Kakashi and Shino: ………..

-Smiles- Next

ME: Naruto you get to be the great awesomely adorable Dopey.

Lee you get to be Happy (that sounds funny).

Next!

ME: Gaara you get to be Bashful.

Gaara: GLARES

Me: Stop Glaring at me! Come here. –Leans into whisper in his ear-

Gaara: -slight blush- -walks away quickly-

Me: -giggles-

Me: Sai! You get the greatest part of all!

Sai: -blank look-

Me: you get to be the Mirror, which tells Sakura she's uglier than Haku.

Sai: -smirk-

Sakura: -glares-

Me: -glares back- Do you want to die in this story!?

Sakura and everyone else: -nods no-

Me: then I'd behave because I have the keyboard and I control this story.

-Smiles brightly-

Me: Gai! You get to be the Prince!

Gai: -big smile complete with sparkly star-

NEXT!

(No one moves)

NEXT!

Shino: there's no one else suppose to be here.

Me: checks notes, yes there is, there are seven chibis not six. Who'd I leave out?

Happy….. Check

Sneezy…… check

Dopey……..check

Doc…….check

Sleepy……check

Bashful….-looks up at Gaara with a smirk-…. Check

Grumpy…….. No check

-Checks notes- -squeals like a fangirl-

Neji, you get to be grumpy, -runs to the back room-

-comes back carrying a chibi neji with blue bows in his hair who has a cookie in his mouth-

Me: you're so cute –hugs tighter, squealing in delight- Neji, I have to take your bows out for this chapter –whimper- -gently unties bows blushing-

Neji: -glares-

Me: you hate me don't you? –Starts crying uncontrollably-

Neji: -twitches continuing to glare-

Everyone else: -watches with morbid fascination-

Me: -cries- why do you hate me so much?

Gai and Lee- you hurt the youthful blossoms feelings, why are you so cruel!

Neji: -twitching under everyone's gazes- -sighs- I don't hate you,

Me: what? –Tears still streaming down her face-

Neji: I don't hate you.

Me: -tackles Neji to the ground hugging him while smiling brightly- I knew you loved me Neji.

Everyone: -sweat drop-

Neji: -sighs-

Me: What are you all standing around for? We're on a deadline, places now!

Everyone: -scatters-

(AN's)

-Action-

"Talking"

* * *

Snow Haku

* * *

Once Upon a fanfiction in the land of water; lived a beautiful child of often confused gender. Whose evil stepmother deeply envied to the point of near hatred.

The evil stepmother who was known for her vanity and near obsession with her mirror, some even spoke that they could hear her talking (well, arguing) with it. One of most common heard things was the question of who was the "fairest of them all"

"Mirror Mirror on the wall."

"Is there an echo or are you trying to be annoying;" Stoically stated the Mirror back.

-Angry twitch- "Mirror who is the fairest of them all," demanded the queen

"Same question everyday; not very creative are you."

"Just answer me" growled out the queen fist clenching.

"Hn"

The cracking of glass echoed through the tower as the queen finally lost her temper with the annoying talking mirror.

"Ouch", stated the mirror

"Answer me Sai!" demanded the queen.

"Hn"

-Twitch- "Fine we'll try a different approach, who fairer than me."

"Almost everyone…ugly"

Another crack echoed throughout the tower, the mirror now was a spider web of cracks.

"…..violent," the mirror states impassively.

"Give me a name before I spread your miserable pieces across this land," Growled out the queen once again twitching with rage.

"One name out of million, hag;" Coolly stated the mirror.

-TWITCH-

"……Haku"

"Are you saying a boy is fairer than me?"

"Obviously," lamely stated the mirror

"I'll send him away and that will get rid of that then I'll be the fairest," continued the queen, as if she didn't hear the mirror last statement.

"Only if you send the whole village away would that happen ugly," Stated the mirror.

It's uncertain how the mirror ended falling/flying out the window of the highest tower.

Weeks later

Haku was lost deep in the forest hidden in the leaves, (that just sounds funny) when he finally came across a moderately sized cabin in the middle of nowhere. Upon entering the cabin (without knocking I may add) he found it to be empty but it obviously belonged to someone due to the things lying around. It looked to be lived in by pigs or extremely messy or lazy people.

He decided to checkout the rest of the house. He came to a hallway with five doors coming to the first door he opened it to find two beds on opposite sides of the room and the presents of beds seemed to be the only thing the two sides of the room had in common.

One side of the room was completely covered in green, even the clothes that littered the floor where green, there were orange leg warmers also thrown around; Other than that there seemed to be a lot of pictures of a man in a green body suit doing a good guy pose complete with teeth sparkling.

The other side of the room was extremely neat and cleans everything in its place; it seems there wasn't even dust on that side. Seeing enough Haku closed the door and continued down the hall to the next door. Opening the door to this room he saw the same setup as the last room but the sides were different.

One side was just as messy as the green side in the pervious room well a bit more messy. This one was orange, with empty containers of instant ramen everywhere. The other side of the room was neat, the bed looked as if it had never been used, and it looked like sand lightly was scattered around the room, but it was only to be seen if you were really looking.

He continued down the hall to the next door. Opening it and glancing in he noticed both sides where clean and neat, the only real difference was the beds and objects on each side. On one side the bed looked as if they just crawl out of bed and was too lazy to make it. The other side was neatly made; the only thing that seemed out of place was a book with a picture of a bug on it was sitting on the table next to the bed.

Sighing quietly he shut the door and continued to explore the next door which led to a rather large bathroom. Continuing on, he came to the final door opening it to see that only one side seemed to be in use; that side was covered in Kleenexes, empty cold medicine bottles and a whole wall was covered in books of the same type; going closer to the shelf only to be stopped by his stomach growling.

Having it been so long since he last ate he decided to go raid the kitchen. After eating and cleaning up the kitchen and the rest of the house but the bedrooms, he decided to rest on one of the sorted couches.

-Poke-

-Twitch -

-Poke-

-Twitch-

-Poke-

-Slight twitch-

-HARDER POKE- (this works -wink- trust me)

"OUCH" Haku screamed jumping up quickly, looking around for the cause of his pain. Only to realize he was surrounded by small…men. (Chibis -starry eyes-)

"Yo, who are you?" asked one of the many men.

"Hmm I'm Snow Haku."

"Did you clean the house?"

-Nods-

"Awesome, now I don't have to" cheered the hyper blonde one that had poked him.

"Who are you guys?" questioned Haku interrupting the hyper blonde's happy taunts and cheers.

The hyper blonde was the first to talk, "I'm the amazing ……

"Dope…."

"….Naruto!" He finished, not even noticing that he had been interrupted. Haku, knowing it would take a while to remember all those names, quickly came up with nicknames.

Blonde- dopey

Dopey took it upon himself to introduce 'sister' to the rest of the group.

First, he pointed to a dark hair male with hair that resembles a pineapple with a sleepy somewhat lazy look on his face, who was mumbling something that sounded like troublesome.

Pineapple- sleepy

Next was green clad bowl cut male with horribly brushy brows and huge happy smile complete with good guy pose.

Brows- happy

Next to him was a red head with no eyebrows and lots of eyeliner (Odd but I still love you), with the symbol of love on side of his forehead. (-Winks at Gaara-) Who didn't really look social, though he had an embarrassed blush lightly staining his cheeks.

Red- bashful

Being pulled off to the side, Haku saw two men off to side, just sitting there; one had long chocolate hair (-whimper- now missing its bows) pearl eyes, a scowl, and arms crossed over his chest. The other had thick black hair pulled back, sunglasses and a large coat that cover most of his face.

Scowl- grumpy

Glasses- Doc (a stretch I know)

Being pulled again, he was pulled to a separate area away from everyone else, only to be greeted with the sounds of coughing and sneezing, this room was a man with gray hair, and a mask covering half his face. He was surrounded by tissues and cold medicine bottles. Dopey whispered something about him contagious, while hiding behind Haku.

Old man – sneezey

Dopey then declared that he would show sister the house; as he pulled Haku out the room and out of sight.

"Do you think we should tell him that Haku is a guy?" Sneezy questioned while downing more cold medicine.

"Too troublesome." stated Sleepy.

"He'll figure it out; his power of youth is strong," Declared Happy striking a pose.

"Doubt it," Coolly stated grumpy.

"If he doesn't I will run a thousand laps around the forest and if I cannot do that I will do two thousand one finger push ups. If I cannot do that ….."

Everyone had stopped listening by this time.

Haku had been thrown into a scheduled existence in the last weeks at this home. He would wake, fix breakfast for the others, they'd leave to train, he'd clean up the house which always seemed to be just as filthy as the first day he cleaned it. He'd occupy his time to dinner when they'd come home. Then he would go to his room, he shared with Sneezy, only to wake and repeat the entire process. (Quite boring in my opinion)

He would have never guessed that his life was about to change, yet again.

Back at the castle his evil step mother (the queen), was yet again, talking to her mirror; who she had forgiven, since he promised to be nice, (yea right).

"Mirror mirror on the……Vanity" spoke the queen, looking at the replaced mirror. (He refused to be on the wall after being…. I mean falling out the window)

"There's that echo again," Lamely retorted the mirror, looking quite bored.

"Who's the fairest of them all?" the queen questioned looking to the mirror with deep interest. (It's a quite a nice vanity.)

"….. This again..." the mirror sighed .

"Sai, you promised," the queen twitches angrily, attempting to suppress her violent urges.

(He did?! Oh yea…. She fell for that.)

"Okay, fine,"

"Mirror who's the fairest of them all," The queen require yet again.

"I heard you the first time. Let's see, you sent the whole village away, last week, the only one left is Snow Haku," Reasoned the mirror to the queen.

"Haku? I send him away month ago, surely you are wrong, he must have passed away by now." Wailed the queen upset.

"No, I'm not, he's quite alive, living with seven chibis (-starry eyes-) in the forest hidden in leaves (still quite odd sounding). Even with him being so far away (quite far away) his beauty still beats yours." the mirror, explained with a small fake smile.

"Then I'll kill him,

"Can't" injected the mirror.

"Why not….."

"This is a children's story," Reasoned the mirror. (Tell that to the Grimm brothers)

"Can I poison him?"

"Hmmm…. -looks it up- that's fine" stated the mirror.

"Then I shall poison Snow Haku; so that I can be the fairest of them all. Now we must go to the forest hidden in the leaves, how do I get there." The queen rambled to herself.

"A map….." supplied the mirror

"To the Internet!" Yelled the queen using their new Internet connection to get to (quite the modern castle.)

-Week later-

"We're lost," the queen stated looking around.

"You're lost, I'm being held captive," the mirror yelled.

"You're not being held captive; you just have no choice in whether or not you go." the queen reasoned opening up the compact to reveal an upset Sai (He's travel size).

"But I still think we're lost, stupid internet." the queen ranted. (Never trust the internet especially the maps -glares at map quest-)

"Just keep moving," stated Sai.

"I don't see how that's going to make difference we're los…." The queen fell, into clearing which held a small home.

"yay we're here," cheered the queen.

"So what's the plan?"

"Plan?"

(Sweat drop)

"You can't just walk up and hand him the poison," Stated the mirror

"Damn."

"I'll poison food then, which always works." The queen cheered quite proud of her intellect, as she proceeded to go through her bag looking for food.

"POCKY" the queen cheered, looking quite proud of her self holding it up like a crazy person. (Because seriously who is tempted by an apple)

"That's mine," retorted the mirror

"Not anymore."

"That's mean."

"You can't eat it anyway."

"Ouch," whimpered the mirror. (She's so mean)

"Now for the poisoning"

"You need a disguise, you can't just walk up or he'll recognize you." The mirror explained.

"But who's going take candy from a stranger."

"No one can refuse pocky." (I can)

Several minutes later the queen had successfully disguised herself as an old lady; with gray hair a large pointed nose with a big hairy mole on it, and dressed in black cloak. (moley moley nice meet your mole)

"O' hag, you finally can see how I see you."

"When we get back to the castle, I'm putting you in the male bathroom mirror."

"….hn..."

"Or better I'll put your in Prince Gai's Room."

-Silence-

The queen walked up to small cottage and knocked on the door. After a few minutes the door was opened, to reveal Snow Haku, the 'old lady' smiled evilly, (which wasn't really a smile without teeth)

"Hello, there child, can I use your restroom." Lamely asked the 'old lady', there seemed to be a muffled laugh coming out of her pocket, but that's just crazy." (Sure…)

Haku nodded letting the woman in, he thought she was odd, especially after he watched her violently hit her pocket, only to receive a groan in response.

"It's down the hall the only door on the right," Haku told the odd old lady.

"Thanks," the queen disappeared down the hallway.

Quickly going into the bathroom, she pulled out her compact, and looked at the cracked mirror with some pride.

"That was your brilliant plan to get in 'can I use your bathroom?'"

"It worked." (always does)

She shut the compact silencing any response Sai could have had. Walking back into the main room, she saw Haku sitting on one of the many couches. Quickly trying to come up with best plan of attack; she came up blank.

"Do you want some pocky?" (-Sweat drop-) asked the old lady, holding out the pocky.

Haku just stared at her, before answering "it's better than eating ramen again," And Reached for the pocky.

Haku quietly ate the pocky, ignoring the fact that it tasted it little funny. After the second stick, the 'old lady' was getting worried; he should have already fell over dead.

She quickly scanned the room looking, something to hit him with. The pocky seemed not to be working. She looked back at him to find him collapsed on the couch.

"It worked," the old lady squealed, quickly ridding herself of her disguise, she quickly left taking the pocky with her (Had to move the plot lol).

Several hours later, the seven chibis returned home to find Haku collapsed on the couch.

Dopey started poking 'sister', then shaking her; Happy finally stopped him after he attempted to drop a vase on Haku's head in order to wake him.

"What do we do?" questioned Sneezy

"We should call prince Gai," Cheered Happy.

"Might as well," supplied Sneezy.

Minutes later, Prince Gai showed up. (Power of plot)

"How'd you get here so fast?" Grumbled grumpy (-whimper-)

"I was training in the forest, when my power of youth detected that I was needed so I came to save the day." Explained Prince Gai, making a pose, complete with sparklingly teeth. Happy squealed like a fangirl, tears streamed down his face. Everyone else just sighed, completely wishing to be somewhere else.

Dopey ran to Prince Gai, "we need you to help sister."

"A young blossom in trouble, lead the way," Demanded Prince Gai, to Dopey.

They moved in the main room, as Prince Gai, moved closer to see Haku.

"Prince Gai," chanted both Happy and Dopey

"Can you save sister?"

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," lamely stated Prince Gai, everyone sweat dropped. (No ever reads the script)

"You're supposed to kiss Haku," Doc explained, popping out of no where with a fairy tale book. (Yay the script)

"So kiss sister."

Gai moved closer to the unconscious body, getting a good look at Haku before moving away.

"Kiss sister." Demanded Dopey

"I can't" stated Gai with a slight blush.

"Why you're the prince you're suppose to kiss her." Dopey explained.

"Her?" Gai looked confused, did he really think that was a girl.

"Yes kiss her!"

"No"

"What kind of prince are you?"

"A straight one"

"…..what!?"

Everyone just watch Dopey and Gai argue wondering how long this could actually last. None noticed that Grumpy was missing, (evil laugh).

"What kind of prince wouldn't save someone in trouble" inquired Sneezey looking devious.

"My rival!" Gai screamed joyously.

"….."

"Gai you got to kiss sister and wake her," Pleaded Dopey.

"I told you I'm straight," calmly stated Prince Gai.

"I guess if the great prince Gai won't kiss 'sister' to save 'her' life, I'll have to be the hero and do it." Injected Sneezy voice still dipping in deviousness as he slowly walked up to Haku (It's a word HELL YEA) (this isn't going to end well).

"No, he's contagious; he'll kill her with the flu." Screamed Dopey upset.

"Technically he can't kill 'her'; it's against the rules to kill the hero," injected Shino once again looking in the fairy tale book.

No one seem to notice how Gai's eyes burned with determination, "I will beat you my RIVAL," Gai yelled as he skipped back to where Haku was, not hearing the giggling in the background coming from Sneezy.

Gai leaned in to give the kiss that would awaken Haku, inches away from 'her' lips slowly he leaned to touch his lips with 'her' lips.

–Big sneeze-

Gai jumped back, snot covering his face only to watch as Haku stretched and yawned looking around.

"I told you he was contagious!" screamed Dopey, jumping up and down only to notice sister was finally awake.

"Sister you're alive!"

"….."

"Sister is you okay?"

-Twitch- "I'm a boy."

"……."

* * *

THE END

* * *

Because I can!!!!!

ME: I think we did well, ya'll behaved so well. –Smiles brightly-

Everyone: …….

How do you guys think it came out?

Shino: I have a question: why did it take Haku weeks to get the cottage but it took Sakura and Sai a week?

Power of plot!

Shino: why did the poison just put him to sleep?

ME: It had expired, so it only caused sleepiness.

ME: Where'd everyone go?

Shino: they wanted to get as far away as possible before the next chapter

ME: Why didn't you leave with them?

Shino: because it's pointless. Plus all the doors are locked

ME: -Evil laugh-

Shino: what did you say to Gaara at the beginning?

Me: -smirk- it's a secret,

Shino: what happen to Neji?

ME: ……. –giggles like a fangirl-


	5. Lesson of the Day

**Omake****: Lesson of the Day**

* * *

Sasuke wandered through the large building, his dark eyes scanning over every person that he passed. He was looking for someone; that was obvious.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura chirped causing Sasuke to twitch slightly, "I've been looking all over for you!"

Sasuke frowned … this was not who he was looking for. So, without a word, he continued on. Of course, Sakura didn't get the message – or just ignored it completely – and tagged along with the Uchiha.

"Who are you looking for, Sasuke?" Sakura questioned.

"… Hikari."

"Why are you looking for _her_?"

"I have a question that needs an answer …"

"What kind of question?"

Sasuke twitched, "A personal one." With that said, Sasuke vanished in a puff of smoke to the other end of the building, and surprisingly right next to Hikari.

"Hikari, I—"

"AHHHH!!!" Hikari nearly jumped out of her skin as she clutched Naruto, "Don't do that to me!! Geez!! Where the hell did you come from, anyway?"

Sasuke ignored the young woman's questions as he continued with his own, "What is Yaoi?"

Hikari blinked.

"Yaoi?" Naruto repeated. It was clear that he had no idea what the word meant either as he pondered to himself before muttering, "Where have I heard that word before …?"

"Why do you ask, Sasuke?" Hikari questioned, ignoring the mumbling Naruto.

"Tessen said that your story was going to involve yaoi," Sasuke explained, "So, what is it?"

"Oh, Sasuke … my naïve little emo boy," Hikari all but grinned as she draped an arm across the boy's shoulder. Sasuke glared at her for daring to touch him, but his stare of death went ignored. "Are you sure you want to know what it means?"

"Is it … _that_ bad?"

"It may just scar you for life," Hikari spoke darkly as Naruto started at her with wide, blue eyes.

"Is it a type of jutsu?" Naruto questioned.

"No," Hikari giggled, "It's not a fighting style."

"Then what is it?!" Sasuke demanded.

Hikari smiled, "You have much to learn, Sasuke-san. But don't worry … I shall lead you down the path of yaoi … Be back here in," – Hikari checked the clock – "ten minutes and I'll teach you everything you wanna know about yaoi!!"

"But—"

"Be gone with you!" Hikari shouted as she shoved the two ninja away.

… Ten Minutes Later …

Sasuke and Naruto – along with a few other ninja tagging along – arrived at the location only to find classroom scenery set up in the corner of the room.

"I had a feeling you would attract others," Hikari beamed before pointing to the desks, "Sit! Sit!"

Hikari watched as everyone took a seat. To be honest she was amazed at the turnout. The front row consisted of Naruto, Sasuke, Lee, Tenten; the next row was Sakura, Ino, Sai, and Kiba; and the last row held Temari, Gaara, Shino, and Hinata. Then there were the stragglers standing in the back, but they were just Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Gai – who was obviously interested but hid himself. '_Surely they already know what it means …_' Hikari thought to herself before realizing that they just wanted to witness the shocked expressions upon the ninjas' faces when they found out what yaoi truly was.

"Okay, first let's begin with the meaning of the word Yaoi!" Hikari began as she smacked her chalkboard with a ruler, presenting the word to everyone, "Yaoi is guy on guy action!" Those that understood right away visibly blushed.

Naruto was the first to raise his hand, "What do you mean by that?"

"Wonderful question, Naruto!" Hikari spoke as she smiled at the blushing faces, "It means that two guys are together—"

"As partners on a team?"

"On a team of love and romance, yes!" Hikari replied, "To be blunt, yaoi is a love/sexual romance between two men!"

Temari instantly rose from the back of the room and dragged Gaara away allowing Jiraiya and Kakashi to immediately occupy their seats. Hikari's smile only widened at the blushing faces, and Naruto – for once – was speechless.

"Within a yaoi couple there is a uke and a seme," Hikari continued without skipping a beat, "Seme is the attacker, or the more dominate male in the relationship while uke is the receiver, the weaker male. A seme is often the one who chases after the uke."

"For example … Naruto and Sasuke," Hikari grinned as both boys blushed. "Sasuke is your typical hard ass –"

"Hn …"

"He's aggressive, and doesn't take shit from anyone."

"Got that right," Kiba chuckled.

"While Naruto is a pushover –"

"Hey!" Naruto shouted, but he went ignored.

"Hell, he gets the crap beaten out of him on a daily bases from Sakura," Hikari stated, earning chuckles from most of the ninja, "If we pair these two together then Sasuke would obviously be the seme and Naruto the uke."

"So … Naruto's the bitch?" Kiba questioned, enjoying this all too much.

"Pretty much," Hikari answered, "Any other questions?"

Sai's hand rose, "How would they have sex?"

Eyes widened. Faces reddened. And seats were emptied in a matter of seconds. All that remained now was an aggravated Sasuke, a curious Sai, and an embarrassed Naruto as he slammed his head upon his table repetitively.

"Tessen said there was yaoi in your story … am I going to be a part of it?" Sasuke questioned through grinding teeth.

"I'm afraid so, Sasuke."

"With who?"

Hikari smiled as her eyes fell on Naruto … whose head was still banging against the table.

"You're worse than Orochimaru …" Sasuke hissed before storming away.

"Flattery isn't going to get you out of my story!!" Hikari shouted before eyeing the two remaining ninja, "Class is dismissed."

"But … you never answered my question," Sai stated.

"Oi!" Naruto grumbled as he too left.

"Hikari … what are you doing?" Tessen questioned as she eyed all the school desks.

"Teaching everyone about yaoi," Hikari stated as Tessen sighed, "Don't sigh at me! I'm cleaning up your mess!"

"What?"

"You heard me!" Hikari roared, "And I left the bill stuck to the back of the chalkboard."

"Bill?!" Tessen gasped as Hikari skipped off … she sighed, "Why me …?"

* * *

**Fin! XD**


	6. Cinderfella

**Hikari**: Personally, I wasn't very fond of the Cinderella story. She has no backbone!! And don't even get me started on the Prince! Did he honestly need her shoe to find her? He couldn't remember what she looked like?! -growls- I would have slapped him so hard … -coughs- However, the Naruto/Cinderella combo was quite appealing to me once we figured out who was who. –giggles evilly- So, let's just skip my blabbing and head straight to the story. Sound good to you?

**Warning**: Yaoiness!! Not much, but it's present! If you don't like it then don't read it.

**Disclaimer**: We do not own Naruto … We're just kinda borrowing the characters for the time being, but we'll give them back … eventually. –coughs- We don't own the Cinderella story either!!

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

"_**Flashback"**_

* * *

**Cinderfella**

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a young boy. An adorable boy with wild locks of gold and brilliant eyes of blue that gleamed and sparkled in both day and night. These adorable features made up for the fact that he had a very loud and annoying voice and a devilish personality. To put it bluntly, he was cute yet annoying as hell. However, this didn't stop his parents from loving him unconditionally. After all, he was their pride and joy. Yes, the small family was happy, and life was good … until one tragic day. 

The village they lived in was attacked by a ravenous demon, and his father was one of the hundreds of men chosen to help fight off the great demon. He fought bravely … and died just as bravely. After that day, the world seemed to turn dim and gray for the family. The boy tried his best to put a smile upon his mother's face, but anything he did only seemed to cause more trouble, and only gave his mother more grief. It seemed impossible for the family to ever be happy again until one day when a man showed up at their door step.

The man was tall and extremely handsome even though he only had one good eye and hid half of his face behind cloth. To the boy, he was a man that couldn't be trusted. He could see past his cheerful expression … He could see the evil inside. Unfortunately, his mother only saw the kind and loving man on the outside, and was instantly charmed. A month later the two were married. The boy was far from happy, but as long as his mother was smiling again he would deal with it.

"Naruto!" His mother, a woman by the name of Shizune, called sweetly, "I want you to meet Kakashi's children!"

The blonde known as Naruto gave his mother a snort as he remained hidden within the braches of the tall oak tree in their back yard. He wanted nothing to do with that evil man or his spawns from hell. He wished they would all just disappear forever.

"Naruto!!" Shizune's voice was more demanding this time, "Get in here right now or I'm not letting you eat ramen for a month!!" Two seconds later Naruto flew into the home at a speed no human was capable of.

"Oh good, there you are," Shizune chirped, "Naruto, I would like you to meet Kakashi's children, Sakura and Sai."

Naruto said nothing as he stared at the two with cold blue eyes. The girl – Sakura – was an odd one with pink hair and a forehead the size of The Hidden Leaf Village. He watched as she gave him a few odd expressions before smiling ever so sweetly at him. Too bad it was a fake smile. The boy – Sai – was also just as odd as his sister. All he did was stand there with an emotionless expression upon his face. To be honest, he didn't like either of them.

"Naruto!" Shizune hissed quietly as she jabbed her son in the ribs.

"Uh … Hi …" Naruto spoke, giving the two a not-so-friendly wave before quickly making his escape.

After that day, his life took a downward spiral into the flaming pits of hell. His room was given to Sakura and he was forced to share the guest room with Sai. Naruto discovered a few days later that Sakura wasn't as sweet as she looked. Honestly, Naruto believed the girl was bipolar. One minute she was happy … the next she was threatening to beat the poor blonde into a bloody pulp. She was violent, and Naruto tried to avoid her at all coasts, but it always seemed like where ever he tried to go she was always there. Then again, it didn't help that he had the tendency to speak his mind … very loudly.

Sai on the other hand … well … both boys pretty much avoided one another until bed time. And for reasons unknown the impassive male had dubbed the blonde as 'the dickless wonder.' Why? Naruto had no idea … and he didn't plan to ask. Maybe it was just part of his personality. After all, he called his sister 'pinky,' but that nickname was obvious.

However, it wasn't until another month later when Naruto's life hit rock bottom. Apparently Shizune's sister had become ill and had no one to take care of her. So, being the loving sister she was, Shizune decided to set out and stay with her until her health returned. Naruto begged and pleaded with her to take him. He promised not to cause trouble and even offered to help her nurse his aunt back to health, but she refused. She was afraid he would catch the woman's illness, and ordered her son to stay with her new husband. But she didn't see the evil glint in his eyes. She didn't know that his children made his life hell.

"Promise me you'll be good, Naruto."

"I will …" Naruto muttered as he kicked a defenseless rock into the bushes.

"I'll bring back a gift for each of you," Shizune spoke, smiling down at each of her lovely children, "What would you like?"

"Something pretty! Like a new dress or jewelry!" Sakura spoke up as she smiled sweetly back at her stepmother.

"A book I guess …" Sai replied.

"And you, Naruto? What would you like?" Shizune questioned.

"I want you to return safely … and as quick as possible," Naruto replied, receiving a loving hug from the woman, "And maybe a cup of ramen." Shizune giggled.

"I shall."

With nothing left to say, she kissed each child and went on her way, escorted out of the village by a team of ninja. Naruto watched as his mother disappeared from sight, and it was then when Kakashi's kind mask fell. He smiled menacingly behind the cloth upon his lips before staring down at his stepson … his new little slave.

"There are dirty dishes in the sink that need to be washed and clothes that need to be hung out to dry," Kakashi stated, "Better get to work."

"Oi! That's not my job! It's Sai's turn to wash the dishes and Sakura always helps mom with the laundry," Naruto stated.

"Well, now it's your job," Kakashi replied before turning and walking back into what used to be Naruto's happy home.

"You can't tell me what to do!" Naruto shouted as he followed after the man, "You're not my father!"

"Legally, I am," Kakashi spoke, "Now get to work before I throw out your nasty ramen."

"I don't care!" Naruto sneered.

"Good, then I'll throw it out anyway."

"Bastard …" Naruto muttered, only to have his head wailed on by Sakura's mighty fists of doom.

"Don't call my father names, you annoying twerp!!" Sakura roared before storming off into the home.

Sai stood on the sidelines – as always – as he watched his sister retreat into the home while Naruto nursed his wounds. He remained emotionless as he listened to his step-brother mumble colorful words about his sister before he decided to state his mind.

"Dickless and no balls … You might as well grow a pair of boobs and call yourself Naru," Sai stated.

Naruto promptly flipped his step-brother off before heading to the back yard to hide from his _family_ for the remainder of the day. However, it wasn't long before Kakashi found him sulking in the large oak tree and sent him into the house to do the chores. Honestly, he really needed to find a new place to hide.

Three weeks later, a letter was delivered to the family. It told of how his aunt passed away a week ago and that, despite his mother's precautions, she had contracted her sister's illness and was doomed the same fate … death. Naruto was torn apart. His mother was the only loved one he had left. Now he was all alone in the world. Alone with a family that despised him and used him as their personal slave. After that day, Naruto was kicked out of the guest room and forced to sleep on a rug by the fireplace. He tried to run away thousands of times, but each time Kakashi was there to stop him with an evil gleam within his eye.

Naruto gave up on life. He fell into a pit of depression, and his only escape became his chores. When he was working he could focus on only his task, and he would forget how cruel life was treating him. His new life wore him down, and soon he lost the lovely sparkle of life that always shined within his lovely blue eyes. He cared less about his appearance, with his clothes tattered and ripped from his daily chores and his skin dusty from the soot that would blow over him at night from the fire place. Life looked dim for the boy … until one day when a messenger showed up at his door.

"What do you want?" Naruto snapped at the messenger lad.

"I have a scroll from the Hokage," The messenger, a young male with a bored/exhausted expression upon his face, stated.

"Well? Give it to me already!"

The messenger rolled his eyes before pulling the scroll from his bag and handing it over to Naruto. With a small sigh, the male turned and continued on his way to continue delivering the troublesome scrolls. It was then when Kakashi appeared from practically nowhere and snatched up the scroll before the boy had time to read it.

"It seems the Uchiha clan is holding a grand party in honor of their son coming of age," Kakashi spoke as he scanned over the scroll.

"The Uchiha clan?!" Sakura gasped as she literally flew into the room and snatched the scroll from her father's hands, "They'll also be looking for a young female suitable to becoming his _wife_?! Oh father! Please say you'll let me go!"

"Of course you can go," Kakashi replied, "When the young Uchiha boy's sees you he'll know he's found his perfect match."

"You really think so?" Sakura giggled as she blushed fiercely.

"I know so," Kakashi smiled as he gave his daughter a loving pat atop her head, "We'll make a family event out of it."

"What a great idea!" Sakura cheered.

"When is it?"

"Um … it's … Tonight?!" Sakura gasped, "Oh no! What'll I wear?! And my hair! What'll I do with my hair?!"

"You have plenty of lovely dresses, Sakura. I wouldn't worry about it," Kakashi muttered before spotting the hopeful sparkle within Naruto's eyes, "Unfortunately for you, Naruto, it seems you have no elegant clothes to wear."

"So?"

"What he's trying to say, dimwit, is that you can't come because you'll be an embarrassment to our family," Sakura sneered.

"Like I care about going to a stupid party," Naruto spat, "Who cares about the Uchiha clan and their stupid son anyway?!"

"Have you no respect?!" Sakura hissed, "The Uchiha clan is one of greatness! Full of talented young and aspiring warriors who become great ninjas!"

"If they're _so_ great then why didn't they throw their lives away to protect the village like my father did!?" Naruto roared, "They can all go to hell!!"

"Naruto!" Sakura growled as she watched the boy flee the room.

"Forget about him, Sakura. He's just angry that he can't go," Kakashi stated, "Besides, I think you should begin to get ready. The party starts in three hours."

"Right …" Sakura sighed as she made her way up to her room.

Naruto remained perched within his oak tree in the backyard for the rest of the day. He listened as his step-family laughed merrily – mainly just Sakura – as they prepared themselves for the grand party. And there he remained until they left … hopefully to never return again.

"I understand that sulking has became your favorite past time, but, seriously, if you keep your face scrunched up like that any longer it'll remain that way for the rest of your life," A male spoke.

"Who's there!?" Naruto demanded as he searched the area only for an old man to drop down from the branch right above his.

"Hi ya!" Naruto shrieked like a little girl as he tried to back away from the old man, but he only succeeded in falling out of the tree.

"Oi! Who the hell are you?!" Naruto screamed, however he didn't give the man a chance to answer before he started jumping to conclusions, "Are you some kind a perverted stalker?!"

"No I—"

"Listen geezer, I'm not into guy on guy stuff so why don't you leave before I have to call the ANBU on you!"

"Don't flatter yourself," The man growled before dropping down from the tree, and it was then Naruto noticed the transparent wings upon his back.

"What kind of fruity freak are you?" Naruto questioned as he slowly began to back away from the man. '_Just a few more feet and I'll be safe in my home_,' Naruto told himself.

"I'm not a freak!" The man snarled, already annoyed with the blonde, "I'm Jiraiya! You're Fairy Godfather!"

"Get away from me, psycho!!" Naruto shouted before dashing into his home and bolting all the doors and windows shut.

Once the front door was securely locked, Naruto sank to the floor panting softly. He remained there for a little over a minute until he realized that he wasn't alone.

"Listen, I'm just here to—"

"How the hell did you get in my house?!" Naruto gasped.

"I know you're not the brightest kid around, but do I really have to explain to you what a fairy is?" Jiraiya sighed.

"Aren't fairies supposed to be female?" Naruto spat. Jiraiya chose to ignore the boy.

"Okay so, do you know why I'm here?"

"T-to rape me?" Jiraiya beat the boy over the head with his fist.

"What part of Fairy Godfather don't you understand?!"

"The part where Fairy Godparents only exist in fairy tales!!"

"Fairy tales," Jiraiya snorted, "Well, listen closely kid. Fairy Godparents are real."

"Prove it."

"You have to wish for something first."

"Alright … I want a bowl of _cooked_ ramen."

"You make my job way too easy, kid," Jiraiya sighed before conducting a few hand signals.

A small puff of smoke appeared before Naruto and when the smoke cleared there sat his bowl of steaming ramen. Naruto cocked an eyebrow at the old man before giving it a taste test, and sure enough it was the most delicious ramen he had ever tried in his life.

"Not bad … What are you? Some kind of ninja?"

"No, I just like using the hand signs because it adds a dramatic effect," Jiraiya stated, "Better than using a girly wand, don't you agree?"

"You don't think the wings are girly?" With a simple snap of the man's fingers, Naruto's mouth was glued shut.

"Mmuuuu!!"

"Listen here, squirt!" Jiraiya growled darkly, "I'm about to give you the opportunity to turn your shitty life around. So shut up and do as I say, understand?" Naruto glared at him, "Good."

"Let's see, for this to work I'm going to need a pumpkin and five toads," Jiraiya paused and stared down at Naruto as he gave him a confused expression, "Well? Are you going to find them for me?"

"…"

"Do it or I'll give you wings like mine." Naruto then dashed out of the room in search of pumpkins and frogs, and amazingly found them in less than five minutes.

"So … Why do you need a pumpkin and frogs?" Naruto questioned.

"You'll see …" Jiraya beamed before conducting a few hand signs.

A loud boom echoed throughout the area, and when the smoke cleared there stood an elegant silver carriage lead by four white horses. The remaining frog was transformed into the driver who stood holding the carriage door open with a goofy grin upon his face. Naruto stared at the carriage for a moment before turning to his Fairy Godfather with a disgusted expression upon his face.

"What the hell is that?!"

"You're carriage to take you to the party!"

"I'm not going to that stupid Uchiha party, and even if I was I wouldn't want to show up in that gay thing!"

"Trust me, it's for the best."

"Go to hell!" Naruto spat before stomping back into his home, muttering curses and crude words under his breath as he left. However, Jiraiya wasn't about to let little Naruto get away as he snapped his fingers and slammed the front door in the boy's face.

"C'mon Naruto. You and I both know you want to go."

"Leave me alone, you flying fruitcake!" Naruto snapped, "Just open the door and disappear!"

"There will be ramen …" Naruto paused, "Fine ramen cooked by the most prestigious chiefs in all the lands. There will be thousands upon thousands of delicious gourmet food … for_ free_ …" Naruto's stomach gurgled.

"_All you can eat_ …" Jiraiya whispered into the boy's ear.

"Alright … I'll go …"

"I knew you would!" Jiraiya chuckled before performing a few more hand signs.

When the cloud of smoke disappeared this time Naruto saw nothing. His blue eyes looked from Jiraiya, to the carriage, to the house, and back to Jiraiya … whose lips were now curled into a devilish smile.

"What did you do?" Naruto questioned, before letting out a mighty gasp at his now girlish voice, "What the hell did you do to me, old man?!"

"Nothing special …" Jiraiya giggled as he poofed a mirror next to the … boy?

"You turned me into a girl?!" Naruto screamed in his high-pitched womanly voice, "WHY?!"

"Because only women are aloud in …?" Jiraiya lied through his teeth, praying that the boy would fall for it … and – of course – he did.

"Uh-huh … Nice thinking, pervy fairy," Naruto grinned as he poked at the two large lumps upon his chest.

"There's … one last thing that needs to be done …" Jiraya spoke with a perverted gleam within his eyes. Naruto tried to run … but his efforts were in vain …

…

"Stupid old perverted freak," Naruto muttered after stepping out of his silver carriage. His brilliant blue eyes shot the man who had opened his door – who, oddly enough, was the same male who delivered the scroll – a nasty glare before snapping, "What the hell are you staring at?!"

"Nothing important," The man spat as he watched Naruto stomp off; which, might I add, proved itself to be a difficult task in heals.

"_**Why are you looking at me like that?" Naruto demanded.**_

"_**No reason," Jiraiya hummed, "But before you leave I'll have to give you a more suitable outfit. You have to look presentable for the young Uchiha!"**_

"_**I guess …" Naruto muttered.**_

"_**Good!" Jiraiya spoke and before Naruto realized it, Jiraiya had snapped his fingers and he was now wearing a … two piece skimpy bathing suit?!**_

"_**Perv!!" Naruto roared before kicking his fairy Godfather in the crotch, "Put me in something decent!" Though at first Naruto didn't mind the change … after all he was one sexy seniorita. But when he realized that old man was ogling him … well … that was just creepy, and Naruto wasn't going to put up with it.**_

"_**Fine …" Jiraiya groaned before he reluctantly snapped his fingers and changed his bathing suit into an elegant gown. **_

_**Naruto turned to the mirror to have a gander at himself, please to see that he was now decent. Though he didn't much care for the 1700's look. Poofy dresses weren't his style. Then again, dresses weren't his style at all, but he guessed that going in pants would be out of the question.**_

"_**Got anything better?" Naruto questioned, "Something a little more … now?"**_

"_**Nag, nag, nag. If I didn't know any better I'd assume you really were a woman," Jiraiya sighed before snapping his fingers once again.**_

_**This dress was much nicer. It was sleek, slim, and fit perfectly around Naruto's curvy body. The dress itself was a royal blue that shimmered and sparkled even in the dark night. Yes, Naruto was quite pleased with this dress.**_

"_**Much better, pervy fairy." Jiraiya groaned at the name before snapping his fingers one final time, making a glass hair band appear atop his head, holding his long golden tresses out of his face, "What's that for?"**_

"_**Just one last touch …" Jiraiya spoke.**_

"Now … where's that food!" Naruto beamed as his stomach gave a low rumble.

"Excuse me ma'am," A young gentleman with sunglasses spoke as he gently clasped Naruto's arm, "May I have your name so that I can announce your arrival?"

"Oh … uh … Yeah it's … Naru," Naruto replied slowly, hoping he wouldn't ask for a last name as well.

"Naru … Interesting name," The male replied with a soft smile.

"Uh … yeah. Thanks?" Naruto replied as he forced himself to smile back at the man.

…

"I don't want to do this any more, father!" A young male hissed, his dark eyes flashing a dangerous shade of crimson.

"Why not?! Look at all the pretty young women who showed up just to see you," The boy's father, a rather lively man by the name of Gai ((Just ignore the fact that he's not an Uchiha!!)), replied as he smiled and waved to a passing guest.

"Because it's stupid! Itachi didn't have to go through this!"

"That's because when Itachi was your age he was already a successful ANBU," His father answered, earning a hateful glare from his youngest son, "Just enjoy yourself, Sasuke! Let the power of your spirit's youth shine as bright as the sun!! For at least this one night …?"

"Tch …"

The young Uchiha said nothing more as he escaped to the shadows of the room and began to make his way out the back door. However, his attention was suddenly drawn to a certain young lady and all plans of escape vanished. Why he even bothered to give her a second glace was beyond his comprehension; after all, she wasn't really special looking or anything. Just an average young girl with the most amazing eyes he had ever seen in his life. They were so … large and blue … and the way they reflected the lights within the ballroom was … captivating.

"My I present, Lady Naru!" The young lad standing next to the beautiful girl spoke, announcing her arrival.

"Naru …" Sasuke spoke slowly, letting her strange name roll smoothly off his tongue. Maybe escaping could wait just a moment longer … at least until he got to know this Naru creature a little better.

Sasuke remained in the shadows as he stalked his new found prey; watching her every movement with dark, lustful eyes. A few party members tried to approach him, but he blew them off with cruel remarks. Some he completely ignored all together. He didn't care for them. All he wanted was Naru.

"Holy crap!" Naru shouted gleefully, "Look at all this food! Amazing … Oi! Is that sushi!! Score!!"

Naru piled her plate high with food before escaping the crowded ballroom and onto the balcony for a little peace and quiet. Sasuke didn't blame her at all for leaving, after all he was about to do the same moments before her arrival. Plus, this gave him the perfect chance to strike.

Sasuke casually followed the young woman out onto the balcony and leaned himself against the railing just a few feet away. It was then when he chocked. He didn't know what to say or do in the company of such a woman. His heart raced and his palms began to sweat … and he cursed himself for acting so weak. However, no one would have suspected that the Uchiha was in full panic mood based upon his calm exterior. Luckily for him the ice was broken by another.

"Oi! What's your problem?" Naru spat through a mouth full of sushi.

"…Nothing … I … just wanted to get out of that crowded room," Sasuke calmly replied.

"Yeah … pretty hectic," Naru muttered, "Can you believe this many people showed up for just one silly Uchiha kid." Naru gave a snort, "How lame …"

"Then why are you here?"

"I just came for the free food," Naru replied, "… You're not a guard or anything are you?"

"No … I'm the 'silly Uchiha kid.'"

"Oh … crap …"

"'Oh crap' is right …" Sasuke spoke, his eyes dark and menacing as he glared at the young girl.

"I … uh …"

"Dance with me …"

"What?"

"If you dance with me … I'll forgive you."

"Who said I wanted your forgiveness!?" Naru spat.

"Do you want to be thrown out?" Sasuke questioned.

Naru glanced down at her plate of mouthwatering food and sighed, "No … not really."

"Then you have no choice," Sasuke stated as he clasped Naru's hand within his and literally dragged her to the center of the balcony to where they could dance freely. Sasuke was about to wrap his other arm around her slender hip when he realized she still had a firm grip upon her plate, "You're going to have to put that down …"

"Never …" Naru hissed, "You'll have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers!"

"It's only food …"

"… Said the guy who eats this kind of food every day!"

Sasuke's dark eyes fell on Naru's plate of food as he glared beams of death at it. Honestly, if he started at it long enough it was bound to burst into flames. However, the plate never received the chance. Instead it was destined for a crueler fate …

With the simple flick of his wrist, Sasuke sent Naru's plate flying. Naru could only watch helplessly with her large blue eyes as every delicious morsel dropped to the floor. '_Five second rule!_!' Naruto's mind screamed, but Sasuke's firm grip upon his hip and hand prevented him from saving his food.

"You ass!!" Naru roared.

"Tonight, nothing should be more important than me," Sasuke stated, "After all it _is_ my birthday."

"I don't care!" Naru screamed, on the verge of bursting into tears. But Naruto was a man, and real men don't cry … Real men also don't let their Fairy Godfather change them into women, but that wasn't the point! His food was gone!! GONE!!

"You can get another plate later …" Sasuke groaned before forcing Naru's body to sway with the gentle music playing in the background.

"You definitely don't attract the ladies with your personality … that's for sure …" Naru muttered, "Why anyone likes you is a complete mystery … Do you have mind controlling powers or something?"

"If I did I would have sent everyone back home by now." Naru sighed and rolled her beautiful blue eyes before staring off in a random direction, earning a small smirk from the Uchiha.

Silence consumed the two as Naruto allowed his body to sway gracefully within the Uchiha's arms. To be honest he was surprised at how well he was doing considering he had never ballroom danced before in his life. Yes, he was quite proud that he hadn't stepped on the boy's foot yet. Then again … maybe if he did Sasuke would get pissy and let him go so he could snack at the food buffet some more. But then there was a part of him that didn't want to leave. As odd as it may have seemed, Naruto was enjoying himself. He was … relaxed. So much so that he was completely oblivious to the fact that he had just let his head rest upon the Uchiha's shoulder.

"So …" Sasuke's voice was deep and smooth as he leaned in close to Naru, letting his hot breath dance across the young girl's neck. He smirked after feeling the shiver run down her spine – which was really a string of twitches – before speaking yet again, "What did you get me for my birthday?"

"I wasn't aware that I had to get you anything."

"Well, it is my _birthday_," Sasuke spat.

"Your invitation said nothing about a present," Naru stated firmly.

"Even so, it would have been considerate of you to get me something anyway."

"Yeah … it would have … but I didn't."

"That's awfully cruel, Naru."

"Life's a bitch that way …"

Sasuke stared down at the girl with distant eyes as if in a deep thought before he eventually replied, "Only someone with a troubled past would say something like that …"

Naru said nothing, but the pain within her eyes made her answer perfectly clear. Oddly enough, Sasuke couldn't stop the feeling of a sharp stab to his heart when he looked into those painful eyes. So much sorrow swirled within Naru's blue orbs, and all Sasuke wanted to do was take that pain away and make it his own. Why this commoner made him feel such strong emotions was something he would probably never understand. Could this be … love at first sight? Did he really believe in such a silly and pointless emotion?

As he stared into the eyes the average girl, all signs pointed to yes …

"What … happened to you, Naru?" Sasuke softly questioned.

"I'd rather not talk about it," Naru sighed, "Besides, it's your birthday. Tonight's all about you, remember? You made that fact perfectly clear after you sent my food flying to its doom!!"

"I guess you have a point … but I'm also supposed to be searching for a wife …" Sasuke stated as he stared down into Naru's wide eyes, "How am I supposed to pick a wife when I know nothing about her?"

"M-m-m-me?" Naru squeaked.

"It's possible …" Sasuke replied.

Naruto felt Sasuke's grip tighten around his hips and noticed a sudden closeness from the Uchiha. Was he leaning in for a kiss?! Naruto began to panic as he tried to find a way out of this horrible situation. All he wanted was food!! He never wanted to be a bride!! '_Damn, pervy fairy!! He set me up for this!!_' Naruto groaned inwardly, '_I thought he said he was going to turn my shity life around. Not set me up for therapy!!_'

Sasuke's lips made contact … with Naru's hand as she pushed his face an arms length away from her own. A nervous giggle erupted from the girl as she quickly backed away from Sasuke's glare of death.

"Now, now," Naru chuckled nervously, "Don't you think you're moving a little too fast?"

"Not really …" Sasuke sighed, frustrated with the young woman.

"Men! You're all alike," Naru huffed as she turned, crossed her arms over her chest, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sasuke! There you are!" Gai shouted, breaking through the awkward silence that had followed the attempted kiss, "Why are you …" The father finally noticed the young lady with his son, "… Oh! I'm terribly sorry. I thought my son was trying to avoid everyone, but it's nice to see that he's actually trying to be social—"

"Father …" Sasuke hissed, glaring at the man.

"Right, Right … I'll just … go mingle," Gai gave his son a wink and a sparkling grin before disappearing back into the home.

"I'm gonna go get some more food," Naru stated, though he didn't see why he had to tell the Uchiha boy where he was going, "Want me to get you anything?" He wasn't even sure why he asked that question either.

"Tomatoes …"

"… Seriously?"

"You asked, didn't you?"

"Uh … okay …" Naru replied, muttering the words 'freak' under her breath as he left.

The rest of the night went along smoothly, so smoothly that Naruto had neglected to keep track of the time. All of his thoughts remained on Sasuke … the mysterious Uchiha boy. Now, Naruto would never admit it, but he liked Sasuke. Sure he was rude and always seemed like he had a stick up his ass. And if it were anyone other than Sasuke, Naruto would have blown them off a long time ago. There was just something about the Uchiha that made him different from the everyday asshole. Something that he would probably never figure out.

The grandfather clock in the ballroom began to chime. It was then when Naruto remembered something Jiraiya had told him. Something important. The clock continued to chime as Naruto struggled to remember what it was the fairy had told him.

"Is something wrong?" Sasuke questioned.

"I don't know …" Naru spoke, "I feel like I've forgotten something important … but I can't remember."

The clock chimed a fifth time, and it was then when Naruto remembered why Jiraiya had told him …

"_**You have to be home by ten o'clock," Jiraiya stated firmly.**_

"_**Ten? Why ten?" Naruto questioned.**_

"_**Because that's when the spell wears off and you'll change back into yourself."**_

"_**But why ten? I mean, geez old man, it's not like I'm some little kid," Naruto spat.**_

"_**Fine …" Jiraiya sighed, already sick of arguing so much with the boy, "Midnight."**_

"_**I guess that'll do …" Naruto sighed.**_

"_**Don't forget, Naruto!" **_

"_**Yeah, yeah, otherwise I'll change back into myself and my cover's blown," Naruto sighed, "I'm only going for the food, it's not like I'm going to socialize."**_

"_**Alright, just make sure your home—"**_

"_**By midnight," Naruto grumbled as he hopped into the carriage, "Quit sounding like a broken record, pervy fairy!"**_

"What time is it?!" Naru gasped.

"Midnight probably," Sasuke answered calmly, "Why?"

"Crap!" Naru screamed before running back into the home, grabbing a handful of sushi before bolting out the front door the very second the clock struck its eleventh chime.

"Naru!" Sasuke shouted as he chased after the girl; however, he never managed to catch her. All that he found was her glass headband lying in the grass just outside of his home.

"I'll find you again … Naru …" Sasuke sighed before ditching the party to sulk in the garden.

…

"What a jerk!" Sakura shouted the moment she entered the dark home, "Inviting me over to his home and not even bothering to spend time with me … He didn't even notice me!!"

"Now, now Sakura … It wasn't that bad …" Kakashi sighed, already to the point where he didn't care. After all, he had to listen to her sob and complain all the way home.

"Just leave me alone!" Sakura screamed before heading up to her room and slamming the door rather loudly.

"Oi … What the hell's her problem?" Naruto muttered as he rubbed at the sleep in his eyes. '_Couldn't they have gotten home at a more decent time … like one or two …?_'

"Nothing … go back to bed," Kakashi growled before slowly making his way to his own room.

"I could if I had one …" Naruto hissed under his breath before spotting Sai standing there staring at him like he always did, "Quit staring!" Naruto finally snapped.

"As you wish … Naru," Sai spoke before heading off to his room, leaving behind a very baffled Naruto.

"I … I … " Amazingly, Naruto could think of nothing to say as he watched his stepbrother casually walk up the steps. However, before he entered his room he stopped to say one last thing.

"I'm pleased to see that you took my advice," Sai spoke even though he gave Naruto his ever present emotionless stare, "And if you don't want me to tell father of your cross-dressing experience then I suggest you see me first thing in the morning. I'll have a list of things for you to do for me." With that said, Sai entered his dark room and quietly close the door behind him.

"… Ass!" Naruto shouted a few seconds too late before storming off to his place by the fire.

The next few days were hell for poor Naruto. His stubbornness almost cost his secret to be spilled nearly six times already, but that was only because Sai had forced him into a maid's uniform for the past four days while he completed his daily chores. As to why Sai had a maid's uniform in the first place … well Naruto was too afraid to ask.

It was during his daily moping when a knock at the door caught his attention, and – being himself – he completely forgot that he was dressed in his 'uniform' as he opened the door. He was just about to shout rudely at the uninvited guest … but blue eyes met dark ones and Naruto chocked on his words. There, standing before him, was none other than the Uchiha that had nearly kissed him a few nights ago. The two stared at one another dumbly before Sasuke eventually spoke up.

"Am I … interrupting something?" Sasuke questioned as his eyes scanned over the femininely dressed boy before cocking a questioning eyebrow.

Naruto followed the Uchiha's gaze before slamming the door in his guest's face.

"Damn it!" Naruto cursed from the other side of the wooden door, "Sai! What'd you do with my clothes?!"

"What clothes?"

"Don't play stupid! Give them back!!"

"Is that a visitor? You really shouldn't keep them waiting like that, it's rude."

The voices argued for a moment longer before it quickly ending with a "I'll tell father." There was silence, and then the door cracked open just enough to see part of Naruto's blushing face.

"What do you want?" Naruto demanded.

"… I'm looking for someone …" Sasuke spoke slowly, his eyes never once leaving Naruto's, "Do you have a sister?"

"I guess you can call her that …" Naruto muttered, "Is that who you're looking for?"

"Possibly …"

"… But I doubt it …" Naruto muttered before directing his attention to the other member within the room, "Go get Forehead!"

"Do I look like your butler?"

"If I say yes then will you get her?"

"No …"

Naruto muttered curses to himself as he left his post at the door. Sasuke stood outside as a storm of butterflies raved in the pit of his stomach. '_This has to be the house!_' Sasuke told himself, '_That boy … his eyes are just like hers …_' Sasuke was quickly thrown out of his thoughts of Naru as the front door flew open and there standing before him … was a pink haired girl with a forehead the size of the Hidden Leaf Village? Was this a joke?

"Sasuke!" Sakura gasped nearly out of breath from shoving Naruto out of her way ((more along the lines of plowing him into the floor boards)) and then running ((flying)) down the steps.

"… You're the sister?"

"Step-sister," Sakura quickly corrected.

"Oh … Is there another sister?"

"No …"

"Then I have the wrong house …" Sasuke spoke before turning and heading back down the road, leaving behind a crushed Sakura.

In a violent spasm of rage, Sakura slammed the door and stormed up to her room, stepping on the fallen Naruto on her way before slamming the door to her room. Naruto cursed silently to himself, knowing that if he did it openly he would receive the wrath of Sakura … and that wouldn't end pretty. However, something else was bothering him more. Guilty conscience perhaps?

Whatever it was, it got the best of him. He needed to set everything straight. He needed to tell Sasuke that he would never find the woman he was searching for. He needed to tell him … that he was Naru.

"Wait! Sasuke!" Naruto shouted as he chased after the Uchiha boy.

"What do you want?" Sasuke demanded as he glared back at the blonde, hating him for looking so much like _her_.

"I … um … The girl you're looking for … Naru—"

"So you do know her …" Sasuke growled as he clutched at the collar of Naruto's maid uniform, "Where the hell is she?! I've been looking for her for the past four days!! Four days!!"

"I … uh … I'm … Naru …" Naruto muttered.

"What?" Sasuke gasped, unsure of if he heard the boy right.

"I'm Naru," Naruto repeated, only to be dropped seconds later.

"Don't joke around with me," Sasuke sneered.

"I'm not joking! My Fairy Godfather screwed me over and turned me into a woman so I could go to your party!"

"Get a therapist …" Sasuke spat before continuing down the road.

"You'll never find her! No mater how hard you look …" Sasuke waved the boy off as he continued to walk away.

"I'll prove it! Ask me something Naru would only know!"

"Go home …"

"Uh … Oh! You like tomatoes!"

"Everyone knows that …"

"And she … I pushed you away when you tried to kiss me …" Sasuke only continued to walk away, "Damn it! Jiraiya, help me you no good freak!!"

"You're not going to get any help by calling me names," Jiraiya huffed as he dropped down out of a random tree, "but I suppose I could do you one last favor …" With a simple snap of his fingers, Jiraiya vanished and Naruto's throat felt strange for a moment. It was a few seconds later when he realized what Jiraiya had done.

"Please stop, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, his voice that of a girl's once again.

Sasuke paused before turning back to the boy. He stared into those blue eyes … the same blue eyes he had fallen in love with, and, though he didn't want to admit it, he knew that Naruto was telling the truth. Well … maybe not the part about the fairy. But why would he go through so much trouble in telling him? Did he feel bad in knowing that Sasuke was traveling all over the village looking for someone who didn't exist? Or was it for another reason …?

"You …" Sasuke slowly approached Naruto.

At first, Naruto was a little frightened by the look within his dark eyes. Was he going to plant a kiss on him right then and there? However, the fist in his face told him otherwise.

"You … Bastard!" Sasuke hissed before he climbed on top of the fallen boy and wrapped his fingers around Naruto's scrawny neck, "You tricked me, you asshole! I hate you!"

And then, during all the choking and beating, Sasuke yanked the boy's upper torso off the dirt road and pressed his lips to Naruto's. It was a brief kiss, but within it told so much. Both males blushed noticeably after the kiss – Naruto more than Sasuke – and both had no idea what to say after such a situation. So, with nothing to say, Sasuke rose from the ground, clasped the back of Naruto's uniform, and began dragging him along behind him.

"Oi! What the hell are you doing?!" Naruto gasped.

"Taking you home … My home …"

"W-wah … Wait … You can't—"

"I can, and I will," Sasuke firmly stated.

"Oh God …" Naruto went pale, "Help!! Rapist!! Someone, please save me!!"

…

A wide smile spread across Jiraiya's face as he grinned at his fellow worker. The blond fairy with an unnecessarily huge chest sighed as she glared hatefully at the old man. Another bet lost … again …

"I told you I could do it," Jiraiya spoke as he jabbed a playful elbow into the woman's side, "Pay up!"

"You just got lucky …" The woman sighed before handing over a slip of paper before poofing back to her own respectable Godchild.

"Someone stop this psycho!! He's gonna drag me back to his hidden dungeon and have his way with me!" Naruto continued to scream in the background as he struggled to free himself, "I don't wanna go back to the cage!!"

However, Jiraiya's victorious smile didn't last long after he caught sight of the bold letters **I.O.U.** written across the slip of paper. He should have known better than to make another bet with her. With a small sigh, Jiraiya slipped the I.O.U. in his pocket with the thousands of other I.O.U.s before heading off to his next assignment … a boy of the prestigious Hyuuga clan who had been tied to a chair for some number of days being force fed cookies and having ribbons tied in his hair.

"Poor sap …" Jiraiya thought to himself before disappearing.

_And so they lived happily ever after … sort of …_

* * *

**Hikari**: 17 pages of madness complete!! Whoot!! 

**Sasuke**: -currently gagging off in the background-

**Naruto**: -brushing his teeth- I hate you!

**Hikari**: Love you too Naruto!! -giggles- Try not to cough up a lung Sasuke … I don't think the fan girls would be very happy with me if that were to happen …

**Sasuke**: I'll kill you!!

**Charmed**: Try it! I dare ya! –Holds up the Keyboard of Doom- Make one move and you'll be kissing Orochimaru next!!

**Orochimaru**: -smirks at Sasuke-

**Sasuke**: … -twitches and nearly wets his pants-

**Sakura**: -sobbing silently to herself off in a corner-

**Hikari**: Okay so … -thinks- Which story is next?

**Tessen**: -checks the outline- Little Red Ridding hood.

**Hikari**: You heard her folks!! The next story will be Little Red written by Charmed. Yay!! I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it!! –grins- Now Review!! … Please?

**Naruto**: -reading off a paper- Reviews are nice … they let us know that others care that we've been kidnapped and are force to reenact crapy stories … And maybe, just maybe, with enough reviews they will set us free sooner. So please … review … -big sad eyes-

**Hikari**: -hugs Naruto- Yay!! Good job!! –hands him ramen-

**Naruto**: Yes!! -sits down and starts eating his well disserved ramen-

**Jiraiya**: -walks by with his costume still on- Anyone know where—

**Charmed**: YOU!! -points and glares at Jiraiya- Stay away from Neji!!!

**Jiraiya**: But I just—

**Charmed**: -Whips out the Keyboard of DOOM-

**Jiraiya**: I-I just wanna know where the bathroom is …

**Charmed**: Lies!! -chases Jiraiya away-

**Hikari**: -blinks- I didn't think Charmed would take it that seriously …

**Tessen**: -sighs- …


	7. Paring Wars

Paring wars (by Tessen)

Tessen had just come out of her sound booth holding a large box when all of a sudden a large mop of pink hair popped up in front of her.

"YOU!"

-pause-

"...yeah?"

"I have been informed that I'm not in any stories with Sasuke."

_Crap. Who told her? _wondered Tessen.

"Charmed was talking to the traitor and I over heard her."

"Traitor? Why is she talking to Sasuke? She doesn't like him much."

"NOT HIM! Shino. He has officially joined the dark side," said a distressed Sakura.

"He was recruited. It's not like he had a choice. And you shouldn't call him a traitor; it would be funnier if you called him a turncoat; 'couse of his jacket. Get it?"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! Why am I not with Sasuke?"

_Think fa__st, Think fast, Think fast, AHA_"You have a wonderfully romantic scene in a few chapters. .."

Charmed walked by, "Just not with Sasuke."

_Damn you!_

Hikari decided to join in right then, "You know; Hinata and Naruto don't have a scene together ether."

"Why is that a problem?" asked Naruto; who was following Hikari around hoping for cookies.

-BANG- "OUCH! What did I say?!"

"Stupid," remarked Charmed.

Meanwhile Tessen was trying to deal with a rather angry Sakura; she was currently wondering if Inner Sakura was going to make an unplanned appearance...surely the girl had out grown that...

Sakura cracked her knuckles.

...or not...-gulp-

"L-Look. What do those two know? (-hey!-) They never read the script so they really wouldn't know anyway, right? Trust me you have a very romantic scene coming up."

"No she doesn't," said Charmed. "Sasuke begged us not to put them in a story together, remember? I told you about his letter..."

Tessen turned around and came nose to nose with Charmed, "She has a big romantic scene with Sasuke."

Charmed, who is not moved at all by the look of doom, smiled, "Sure, why not."

"Ooh. She's right." Hikari had very suddenly found the master script book and was reading through it. "This is a kissing scene...oh wait; that's Naruto."

"WHAT?!"

Charmed looked over Hikari's shoulder, "Don't worry you're not kissing him...neither is Hinata...or any of the gir...We've done this one already! You wrote it, Hikari! Flip forward some more."

_My friends are trying to kill me..._ thought Tessen.

"Look we are just about to start up on the next chapter; are you in it? I think you are. Go to costume. Your big romantic scene will be coming up really soon; trust me!" Insert sincere smile number fourteen.

"Is this it?"

"No that's Kiba."

"Here?"

"No, but Sakura does get kissed there...if it goes that far."

"What about Raputzel?"

"She's not in that one..."

-Fade to black, but not before a very aggravated voice said, "This is why I don't leave my booth!"


	8. Little red Uchiha

Hikari: Charmed it's your turn.

Me: yep!

Tessen: what story are you writing?

Me: ……… wait! I know this!

Tessen: -sighs-

Me: Little Red Uchiha! –Evil smile-

Tessen: do you have all your characters?

Me: not yet, I'm just about to round them up. Wanna stay and have some fun

Hikari: hell yea! –Evil smile-

Hikari and Me: -looks to Tessen expectedly-

Tessen: -looks back-

Hikari and Me: well?

Tessen: do I have a choice?

Hikari and me: of course always –pulls Tessen along with us-

Me: CASTING CALL for –checks notes- -evil laugh- for Little Red Uchiha

Alright, who's playing who, -scans the room-

Please make a line!

-No one moves- -glares-

MAKE A LINE!

-creepy clam voice- If you enjoy the use of all your limbs and want to make it make to back home, please form a line.

-No one moves-

YOU SORRY ASSHOLES! GET IN LINE THIS MOMENT OR I SWEAR YOU'RE ALL DEAD.

-everyone gets in line-

Tessen: -sighs- that's why she's the violent one.

Hikari: -smiles and nods- it works!

Tessen: -nods-

Me: okay, first up, lets see, the star….. who is…..oh it's emo-boy.

Sasuke: -glares-

Me: -glares back- you don't scare me

Tessen: charmed behave

Hikari: -giggles-

ME: -pout- NEXT!

Me: Naruto! Are you in like all of my stories? –Checks- …..Nope. –Pout- anyway you get to play the hero who saves the poor emo-boy.

Naruto: alright! –runs off to brag to Sasuke-

Me: Tsunade, you get to play, the family emo boy visits.

Tessen: why didn't you tell her she's the grandmother?

Me: do you want to tell her she's playing an old lady; I've seen what she does to Naruto when he mentions it –shivers-

Hikari: -nods- yep, she's as violent as you!

Me: -glares, and then breaks out in smile- I know isn't it great

Hikari: yep, the greatest

Tessen: -sighs-

Me: -pokes Tessen-

Tessen: AAAAAAAH DON'T DO THAT

ME: …….

Tessen: -ignores charmed-

Hikari: -pokes Tessen on my side-

Tessen: -hits me- AHHHHH –slaps my arm-

ME: What the hell did I do?

Hikari: -giggles-

-Cough-

-Everyone looks up-

Me: oops! Sorry forgot, okay Orochimaru, you get to play the bad guy.

Orochimaru: -smirks- -walking away-

Hikari: that's means he has to eat Sasuke

Me: no just swallow

Hikari: oooooooooh –giggles- you're evil!

ME: -giggles- I try

Tessen: -blushes- why do I hang out with you to?

Hikari and Me: Because you love us! –Hugs Tessen-

Tessen: -sighs-

Me: okay last person, Shizune.

Tessen: she's not supposed to be in the story.

Me: I know, but I need her, for a plot role. Plus she wanted to help.

Tessen: -stares at me-

Me: -grumbles-

Tessen: you need to get started…..

Me: yea yea

Hikari: where's Neji?

Me: Neji –starry eyes- Shino's watching him.

Tessen: is that safe?

Me: of course Shino is my assistant

Tessen and Hikari: since when?

ME: look at the time, I should really start the story, don't you guys have some stories of your own to work on?

Little Red Uchiha

And the big bad pedophile

"This is stupid" (-glares-)

(-Whacks, him with keyboard- -grumbles stupid emo-)

On with the story…………

(Author notes)

-Action-

"Talking"

Far away in the land of leaves, (don't ask) lived a woman named Shizune who lived alone with her son, Sasuke (cough emo cough). Life was peaceful, until news of Shizune's mother came. Her mother, who had always been known for her problems with alcohol and gambling, was had hit streak of bad luck. Causing her to lose all her money to a loan shark, to make matters worse, in her distressed state, her mother had drunk all her sake, a year supply of sake. Her mother was going to travel to leaves to visit, well to hide from the loan sharks but still it's still visiting.

(Phone conversation **one sided**)

"Hello"

"Mother, are you drunk."

"What do you mean you aren't coming?"

"It's not safe for you there,"

"No I'm not treating you like a child, but you're acting like one."

"Well that's very mature"

"We'll just come get you."

"Yes me and Sasuke."

"Sasuke…. My son….your grandson!"

"Yes that one."

"Yes I'm sure he's my son."

"Yes mom, I'm sure I was there."

"Yes I'm sure they didn't switch my son at birth."

"-Sighs- back the point; we'll just come to you and bring you back here."

"No"

"I said no"

"No I don't hate you."

"Mother you're being foolish."

"-sighs- fine, I'll bring you some sake."

(end of phone conversation)

Days later, when they should be packing to leave, Shizune was buried under blankets, snot running down her nose, eyes puffy and red, her throat sore and scratchy. Well the point is she's sick, and not fit to travel. (Kakashi has infected my new chapter –sighs-)

"Sasuke, I need you to travel to sound and meet baa-chan" Shizune sneezed and coughed out.

"hn…" (Silly emo)

"That's the sprit." Shizune cheered well wheezed out.

"Give me the phone I'll call her, tell her to be expecting you."

(One Side phone conversation again)

"Hello, mom…. Mom…..MOM!"

"Yes I know I'm yelling…"

"No,"

"………"

"You can't be serious."

"Well tell him I said hi."

"Yes I know I sound horrible."

"Yes I know I haven't showed up to get you."

"Of course I don't think you're a drunk."

"The reason I called is that Sasuke, is going to come and get you, I'm sick and can't travel."

"Sasuke…. You're grandson my son."

"Yes that one."

"Yes I'll send the sake with him only one bottle."

"I don't think that's necessary, he knows not too."

"Yes I'll tell him anyway."

"I'll see you when you get here, mom, Sasuke will be leaving tomorrow, be expecting him."

"-Sighs- I'll make sure he doesn't forget the sake."

"You don't remember what he looks like."

"….."

"Okay, he'll be wearing a red cape, that's should be enough for you to tell it's him."

"Yes I think that'll be enough, I highly doubt they'll be a red cape convention the same day that he shows up."

"I'm pretty sure they won't be, okay fine there will be an Uchiha symbol on the back of the 'red' cape."

"It's a fan."

"It's not that odd."

"I got to go, mom, I need cough syrup"

"Yes I know its 10 alcohol."

"No I'm not trying to get drunk….. Bye mom."

-Click-

Sighing deeply, Shizune looks to Sasuke who looks bored as usual. "Baa-Chan, sends her love, lets get you ready to travel," Shizune said with a small sickly smile, only to end up sneezing loudly.

Morning came quickly, Shizune stood in front of her son, tying the red cape around his neck as he looked at it distastefully she then handed him the basket that held enough food to feed three people for a week, even though the trip took a total of three days back and to, and of course the precious sake.

"Your grandmother told me to warn you of thieves, killers, strangers, wild animals and…. pedophiles." Shizune said though the last part came out with a sneeze. Wiping her nose she continued "be safe and I'll see you in a few days."

Sasuke had been traveling, for a day and half, and had reached the border to sound. So far the trip had been quiet boring. Walking the streets of the sound village, Sasuke was quite lost, but didn't feel need to ask the drunks and thugs the directions to grandma's house. He ended up in a more run-down area of the village, at the entrance of dark alley, turning to go back the way he had came only to be stopped by a voice.

"Are you lost?"

"Who are you?" demanded Sasuke turning back to the alley, to see a figure in the shadows.

"Doesn't matter."

(This seems familiar will he fall for it again)

"hn"

"You're lost right well I can help you find your way."

There were many choices young Sasuke, could take here. Many of them safe and smart,

"hn, whatever"

But Sasuke, isn't smart, (you'd think he'd learn from last time). That is how he ended up following said pale and creepy stranger.

They ended up at the library,

"Why are we here?"

"To pick up the new Laura K. Hampton book." (-giggles like a fangirl-)

"…….."

"To use the computer."

"……….."

"To print of a map to your grandmother's house."

"How'd you know I was going to my grandmother's?" Sneered Sasuke glaring at the stranger.

"Where else would you be going in that silly cape?"

"A red cape convention" Sasuke supplied lamely, instantly regretting it after how much of an idiot it made him sound.

"You missed it by a week then." The stranger retorted.

Sasuke just stayed quiet watching the stranger pull up map-quest (evil) on the screen; quickly printing out a map, handing it to Sasuke.

"See you around," hissed the stranger giving Sasuke a quick once over, which gave Sasuke the feeling of being molested. (-Chills-)

Sasuke pushed such thoughts away quickly scanning the map, finding he was only a few blocks away from his destination. (Silly teme is missing an important fact) Arriving at the home of his grandmother, he couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Entering the home, after receiving no answer when he knocked, he entered the dark room; it was littered with empty sake bottles.

"Hello….." (Great shout into a dark seemly empty house)

Sasuke was answered by a groan, coming from deeper in the house. Moving deeper into the house being……..Quiet.

"Baa-Chan is that you?" Sasuke yelled as he came to a darker potion of the house.

His answer once again was a groan then silence.

He entered the room to find Baa-Chan passed out, drooling slightly, and snoring.

"Disgusting cute isn't it." A voice Hissed behind Sasuke, he turned quickly to see the pale stranger from before.

Sasuke felt warm and wet slide down his cheek to his neck leaving a slick trail, he quickly realized it was the very long tongue of the stranger.

(This would be so kinky if it wasn't so disturbing)

Sasuke tried to move away finding himself in the tight grip of the stranger, Sasuke was very much terrified.

(Charmed: he was swallowed and they all lived happily ever after – gets whacks- Ouch what the hell….hehe ..eh hi Tessen

Tessen: that isn't how it ends.

Charmed: did you hit me with the script?

Tessen: follow the story

Charmed: why I haven't all story? –Rubs sore head-

Tessen: yea but you can't change the major things.

Charmed: but –whines- I don't want to

Tessen: -glares-

Charmed: ……..

Tessen: -rises script-

Charmed: -flinches- -pout- fine)

Sasuke struggled to get away from the stranger, in the progress dropping the basket of goods. When it dropped, the sake bottle rolled out, and toward the passed-out Baa-Chan. The splashing of the sake in the bottle seemed to echo in the quiet room. Sasuke, flinched feeling the stranger's tongue run across his neck he took a breath to attempt to scream, only to have a the stranger's mouth pressed against his. He resisted the urge to vomit.

"Eww old lady, I came here for Ramen not a Yaoi peep-show," A voice screamed from the doorway. Sasuke looked toward the voice to see a boy his age, with blonde hair in a orange jump suit.

"I didn't know you where into this, you must be hanging out with Jiraiya too much, Oh they brought sake." The boy continued to yell from the doorway seeing the sake bottle. At the mention of sake, a groan came from Baa-Chan, and then she lifted her head rubbing the drool off her chin, mumbling something about sake. She blinked, owlishly to get the sleep out of her eyes, and then focused on the group in her room. Then the bottle in the floor, she picked up the bottle with a drunken squeal downing it quickly.

"Yum" she stated followed by a drunken burp. Then she looked to the others in the room,

"Orochimaru what your doing in my room, with a little boy."

"……. I was just leaving"

"Oh…okay."

Orochimaru let go of Sasuke slowing exiting out of the room, "wait" He paused fearing the worst "Shizune says hi"

Orochimaru nods before disappearing out of the room and out of the house.

"Old lady……ramen." Whined the boy from the door.

"Naruto, when did you get here?" Baa-chan questioned noticing Sasuke for the first time. "Who are you?"

"He's Orochimaru's boyfriend" injected Naruto from the door, "where's the ramen?"

"Kitchen" "I didn't know Orochimaru liked little boys." Baa-chan rambled, circling Sasuke.

"I'm not his Boyfriend, I'm your grandson." Sasuke sneered, upset.

"I have a grandson." Questioned Baa-Chan to herself, "What a silly cape" commented Baa-Chan.

Sasuke just stared at her.

"I need to call Shizune." Baa-Chan commented as she left the room.

(Phone conversation one sided )

"Shizune"

"Who's Sasuke?"

"Oh there's a boy in a silly cape saying the same thing"

"Are you sure?"

"Okay, wait a minute" "Hey cape boy what's your name?" She yelled through the house,

"How'd you know his name was Sasuke?"

"Oh, did you send the sake then."

"Okay I'll check."

"yea yea I'll see you in a few days."

-click-

(end of phone conversation)

"Hey boy, where's my sake?" she shouted as she entered the kitchen.

THE END!

ME: YAY! it's over, this was the hardest one to write so far! –looks around- where is everyone?

Shino: -appears behind me- Tessen left to start her story, the others went with her,

Me: aww why?

Shino: they figure it was safer with her.

Me: ……. probably still can't believe she hit me with the script. So where's Neji?

Shino: hiding….

Me: from whom?

Shino: you

Me: -teary eyes pouting- Me!?

Shino: -nods-

Me: where?

Shino: ….. Behind the couch in the office.

Me: really?! Thanks buggy-kun! –Hugs Shino before running out of the room-

Shino: -sighs-

-New NOTE-

CHARMED: It has come to my attention that we have not acknowledged our readers and reviewers.

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

The mountain sage: THANKS FOR THE GREAT REVIEWS

dragonluv13: THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!

That's all of them. –sobs- they don't like us! –wails-

Shikamaru: troublesome…..

Charmed: Shika-kun –hatches on to Shikamaru- why don't they like us? –sobs-

Shikamaru: -sighs- -throwing a help me look to Shino who just walked in-

Shino: -just stares- Charmed-san, I think Neji has awoken from his nap.

Charmed: Really –hopeful eyes-

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: -big smile- -hugs Shino before running out the door.-

Shikamaru: Troublesome……..

REVIEW PLEASE!

I'll give you a cookie!


	9. Neji's Grand Escape

**Omake****: Neji's Grand Escape**

* * *

"I can't take this nonsense anymore!" Neji growled as he began pulling colorful bows and ribbons from his hair, "I'm getting out of this place …"

"Not gonna happen," Shikamaru spoke up, "You can't escape the clutches of a crazed fan girl once they have you. It's against the law of the universe."

"Really?" Neji scoffed as Shikamaru gave the male a small nod.

"You don't think someone else has tried to escape already?" Shikamaru questioned.

"Well, apparently they didn't try hard enough."

"Apparently …" Shikamaru yawned as Neji began to walk off, "You're still going to try?"

"Of course."

"I'd wish you luck …but," Shikamaru chuckled softly to himself, "even with luck you still can't escape."

"We'll just see about that …" Neji growled as he welcomed the challenge.

…

After pacing the large building for the past thirty minutes, Neji had finally devised a plan. It was a little rough around the edges, but it was the only thing he could come up with on such short notice. His first target would be Tessen, even though he was certain that nothing he could do or say would convince the woman to let him go. However, it was worth a shot and it never hurt to try, right?

"Can I help you?" Tessen questioned as she eyed Neji's approaching form.

"No," Neji replied, "I'm fine."

"Okay …" Tessen spoke before turning to Ino, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't let the hair extensions drag on the ground."

"You try lugging around ten pounds of hair then," Ino grumbled as she continued to walk away, her blond locks trailing along behind her.

Before Tessen could say or do anything; the mischievous Naruto grinned and placed a well located foot upon Ino's hair extensions. The girl let out a yelp as she was jerked to the ground followed by a colorful string of obscenities while Naruto ran off laughing. Tessen sighed as she watched – with mild irritation – as Naruto gave Hikari a sly high-five as he passed her by.

"Hikari!" Tessen grumbled as said girl quickly disappeared.

"I … can't help but notice how well everything is … organized," Neji spoke. '_… Horrible timing! Damn you, Naruto!_'

"You're kidding me right?" Tessen spat, "It's a mess!"

"Maybe so, but you have to consider the fact that you are watching over twenty ninja," Neji spoke, "I think you're doing a job well done."

"Hun, flattery will get you nowhere," Tessen stated before walking off.

Neji expected as much from the woman. So, without another word he targeted his next victim. Honestly he wasn't sure about this one either as he approached her. He had a few plans already thought out, but they were soon forgotten the moment he cleared his throat and tugged on the woman's pant leg.

"Oh! Hi Neji!" Hikari chirped as she smiled down at the chibi.

"I … You … are …so wonderfully … tall," Neji muttered out the first thing that came to mind only to mentally kick himself a second later.

'_Tall? Tall?! What the heck kind of complement is_—' Neji's thoughts were quickly silence by a squeal that had come from the older woman as she leaned down and scooped up the little ninja within her arms.

"You really think I'm tall!! Awww … Thank you!!" Hikari, the five foot two inch tall girl, squealed as she smothered Neji with hugs. That was about the time when Neji began questioning whether this was a good idea, but now that he had successfully flattered the woman it should be easy to persuade her into letting him go right?

"Hikari-san, may I ask a favor of you?"

"Of course!" Hikari replied as she gently placed Neji back down on his own two feet.

The tiny ninja casually cleared his throat before staring up at the girl with a serious expression upon his face; however, in his shrunken condition he was just simply adorable, "May I leave, Hikari-san?"

"Silly Neji," Hikari giggled, "Of course you can't."

"C-can't?" Neji repeated, making sure he had heard the girl right.

"We still need you for other stories!" Hikari smiled as she ruffled Neji's hair before walking off.

"Denied!" Naruto laughed as he too ruffled Neji's hair before running off after Hikari before the little chibi received the chance to kick his ass.

"Naruto …" Neji growled to himself before storming off.

The last target was one that he was not looking forward to, but since his other plans had failed he had to go through with it … no matter how degrading it was. Neji sighed as he reluctantly tied a few red ribbons within his hair before approaching … Charmed.

"Charmed-san?"

"Neji! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Charmed gasped as she turned to face the chibi, only to be stunned at how adorable he looked.

"Charmed-san …" Neji's silver eyes grew wide and pleading as he stared up at the woman who held him hostage, "could I … possibly go outside to … play?" He was stretching it by a long shot, but hopefully it would fool the girl.

Charmed's eyes glazed over as she watch Neji shyly stare down at his feet as he kicked at a well placed pebble, and when he heard the giggles he knew that he had her hooked.

"Awwww Neji, of course you can go outside and play!" Charmed spoke, too blind to Neji's cuteness to realize what she was saying.

"Thank you … Charmed-san," Neji spoke as he hugged the woman's leg, earning another giggle from her.

'_Yes! I'm free!_' Neji grinned, '_Stupid Shikamaru … Never underestimate a Hyuuga's abilities!_'

Charmed was about to open the air-tight, pressure locked door when suddenly it opened from the outside and in walked an aggravated Tessen.

"Who ordered the giant fish tank?!" Tessen growled.

"Oh, I did!" Hikari shouted, "Is it here?!"

"Why do you need a giant fish tank?!"

"Because … it's for the little mermaid story," Hikari stated, "Now I just need to figure out how to get that thing in here … and then there's the matter of teaching everyone how to breath underwater …" Hikari turned to Naruto, "Is there a jutsu for that?"

"I'm not sure …" Naruto replied before changing the subject, "When can I swim in the giant tank?"

"As soon as you figure out a way to get it in here and fill it up with water," Hikari replied before walking off as Naruto let out a heavy sigh before spotting Neji sneaking for the open door.

"Oi! Tessen, you're letting Neji out!" Naruto stated.

"What?" Tessen questioned as she looked down to find Neji and sighed as she caught the back of his shirt before he had the chance to escape.

'_Damn these tiny legs and damn you to hell, NARUTO!!!_' Neji's mind roared as he watched Tessen close the door. He's only chance of escaping … gone.

"I thought you were supposed to be watching Neji," Tessen spoke as she held out the fuming Hyuuga for Charmed to take.

"He was just going out to play," Charmed snapped.

"Right … Don't let it happen again …" Tessen sighed as she wandered off into the building.

"Don't worry, Neji," Charmed cooed, "Maybe Gaara will let you build sandcastles in his sand."

"I don't want to play in the sa—"

"Gaara!" Charmed shouted as she ran off in search of the sand ninja as she pulled along the helpless Neji behind her.

…One Hour Later…

"I hate sand …" Neji growled as he pulled off his shoe and dumped the misplaced sand onto the floor. He was about to slip his shoe back on when a shadow loomed over his tiny body, "Don't say it …"

"Don't say what?" Shikamaru questioned, "Don't say that I told you there was no chance of escaping?"

Neji ignored the ninja as he began to walk away.

"The sooner you accept that there's no escape the easier this'll be on you."

"There_** is**_ a way to escape and I _**will**_ get out of here!"

"Tch … You're hopeless …" Shikamaru sighed only to be beamed in the back of the head with Neji's tiny left shoe.

* * *

**Fin!**


	10. Pig Tails

Pig Tails

---------------------------------------------

-chough-

Yeah it's late...-shifty eyes-...I REGRET NOTHING!!! (except my business communication grade; but other than that)

I'm sorry it's late—it was completely my fault—but I am a college student on a scholarship. School comes before a hobby; even if the hobby is more fun. In the next two weeks Hikari and myself are preparing for our final fall exams(and charmed refused to work before schedule) , and not all the stories are done yet. So excuse us if a chapter is posted a week or two late.

----------------------------------------------

_-sound of throat__ being cleared- Once __upon__ a time_

"HOLD IT!"

_Dagnapit__. This is how the last one started. What is it Ino?_

"How the hell did I get into a tower? And why is **she** in here?"

_How you got in a t__ower will remain a great mystery__ for years to come. And __**she**__ is not __suppose__ to be in the tower with you yet. Now just keep quite and I'll start the story. Where are...ah. Okay. They are on stage already. Fine. _

--------------------------

_Once __upon__ a time there lived a wife and husband on a poor farm._

Lights come up onto Deidara sitting in front of a hut. "un."

_Right. Good boy. Stay in __character__ –just knows she will be saying 'un' by the end of this-__ Anyway, the couple were __desperate__ for a baby..._

"Wait! Who's the wife in this story?"

_-nervous__pause__- Uh...well you see...you._

"un. You want to repeat that?" asked Deidara as a small blob of clay suddenly appeared in his hand.

_-squeaky voice- No. Not particularly. __Uh...OKAY! You are__ the__ husband __aaannnddd__...HINATA! _

Hinata is pushed out to center stage by Sasuke, go figure.

"Look. If you do it then she won't call on any of the other guys to do it and I looked at the script; you are on stage a total of five seconds. Naruto will be grateful that he won't have to play a girl...-twitch-...again."

"I-if you say s-so...only five seconds?"

"Yeah five. That's it and then you are never heard from again."

"o-okay. For the b-betterment of the r-rest I suppose."

Sasuke nodded, "Good. Have fun. –twitch-"

"Sasuke-san?"

"-twitch- I'm fine. I have an insane desire to kill someone other than Itachi though." Sasuke then left Hinata with the pyromaniac art student.

_Right, thanks, I think. Anyway, the husband and wife –thud- huh?_

Deidara looked over from his seat, "I think she fainted."

_Are the lights too hot__ Oh well, uh anyway, the husband and wife wanted a child._

"Good thing she's not awake to hear that."

_Yeah, however, this was not the only problem the couple had. They were__ also very poor folk and have ve__ry little to eat. One day the husband went in the forest of the evil witch to try to find food._

"Why we can't go to the store and rob it I'll never know..." muttered Deidara as he walked to the other part of the stage.

_Why we __insist__ in this insanity, I'LL never know. –pause- Tenten?_

Tenten suddenly popped her head out from stage right. "Yes?"

_Can someone move Hinata, please?_

"uh...yeah. One second. SHINO!"

_Right, thanks. Anyway, one night the husband had to result to __steeling__ food __from the evil witch of the forest._

Deidara, who was watching Shino take Hinata off stage, asked, "We're in a forest you said, un. Why can't I just hunt something?"

_It's...winter. There is __nothing__ alive and it'__s illegal__ to hunt on the King's land._

"Un. And steeling from a witch is not worse?"

_...that's not the point! Just get going__ you__r__ part is almost done._

"Un."

_Good boy._

-twitch-

_…problem?_

Deidara twitched again. "Don't call me that, yeah."

_Why no…oh yeah. Tobi._

-twitch-

_Ah, well…don't worry he won't be showing up. I know who he real__ly is and so far I don't like the looks of it_

-blink- "Really is? What?"

_Don't worry about it. It's not like you will find out later or anything; you're dead! Anyway, the __husband__ went to the witches house to __steel__ a head of rapunzel_

"What the hell is rapunzel?"

_Lettuce_

"Uhn. You can't say lettuce?"

_Do __you__**want**__ your __daughter__ to be named __lettuce_

"I don't want a daughter un."

_To bad. Anyway, as the __husband__ was __sneaking__ into the garden; the witch found him._

"NO!"

_...Please?_

"I'll rephrased. HELL NO!!!"

_-sigh- You said you didn't want to do Arts and Craft time and volunteered. If you don't hold up your end of the bargain you go back._

"...Damn you people."

_Yeah. Love you too. Anyway, the witch caught the husband._

Temari cautiously stuck her head out from the right side of the stage and suddenly jumped all the way out, clutching her lower back. "Bun-headed Traitor!"

_That's Tenten, everybody. __Anyhow, the witch demanded to know why the man was steeling from her._

"I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY THAT TRAITOR IS IN CHARGE BACK STAGE!!!"

_The husband had no course but to beg for his life._

"Uh?! I do not beg for anything."

_And the witch let him go and gave him permission to return for all the rapunzel he or his wife wanted under the condition that she could ask for anything they had for payment._

"You just said that I was poor and didn't have anything! How the hell am I going to repay her? UH?"

_The poor husband agreed because he thought that sense they had nothing the witch couldn't possible take anything important...this is kind of how college loans work..._

The two blonds looked at the each other, "Do you get the feeling she's ignoring us?" asked Deidara.

"She is. She did this last time and the story ended suddenly; we should just let her 'narrate'.

_...nice to know I'm being humored. Anyway, the husband returned to his home__ and...currently still unconscious__ wife...well? Go back to the other side of the stage._

"Uh. Why did I come over in the first place? It's five feet from where I started out."

_I though you people were humoring me...Just go. Anyway...WHERE ARE YOU GOING!!! I meant back to the other side of the stage; not leave! Temari is the only one who can go off stage._

"I'm not leaving this stage just to be pushed back by that stupid leaf girl. That's Hinata's running-gag."

_...you're not suppose to point that out darn you. In any case, the husband returned home and a few months passed before he learned that his wife was pregnant._

Deidara looked off stage right, " Yeah I think she was coming around before you said that yeah."

_-sigh- poor thing...Anyhow, the wife __eventual__ gave birth to a little girl and it was then that the witch came to the home to get payment._

-pause- -blink- "I know where this is going," grumbled Temari, "Why the hell do I want a baby? Is that not a little odd?"

_-sounds of papers being shuffled- I wonder why the witch wanted the kid anyway...__MOVING__ ON. The witch took the baby._

-Has decided that it is to troublesome to argue (and now she hasn't been hanging out with Shikamaru nope) Temari goes to the other side of the stage to receive the 'baby'. "...well?"

_-mumbling- Can't find Hikari.__( she still has the chibi powder)__...Uh. yeah. –twitch- Damnit! I didn't say that...ummm so the witch took the baby and sixteen years passed._

"Wait a minute! You're skipping around!" yelled Deidara.

_Why do you care?! You can leave now!_

"...I can?"

_un. –twitch-_

Deidara smiled as he walked off stage.

"DEIDEI!!! I need you for my story!!"

"Un? NO! HELL NO!"

-crashboombangmorecrashing-

Charmed's head appeared from stage right, "You don't need Deidara anymore right, Tessen?"

_Nope. Good luck._

"Thanks!" Charmed has left the stage.

_Un. –twitch- moving on..._

"I have tripped over this thing FIVE times!!!!"

_Pardon?_

"You will need one of those when the Hokage comes to her senses!"

_What? We give her sake; she likes us. And all you have to do is sit by the window looking forlorn._

Ino is seen in the window of a great tower that suddenly appeared in the upper left of the stage. "I'm not wearing this thing any longer! It's freakishly unpractical AND looks bad on me!"

_-sigh- You have to keep it. The prince needs to __clime__ your hair to get into your tower._

"Who said I wanted anyone with me?! AHK!! Why the hell did you throw a book at me?!"

_IT'S NOT A BOOK! It's a script...that you should have read._

"I looked at your damn script!"

The narrator suddenly has to duck as pre-mentioned script is thrown back.

_WILL YOU JUST ACT LIKE A FREAKING __TRAPPED__ PERSON ALREADY!?!?"_

"NO! I refuse; I am a Kunoichi of Hidden Leaf! I can't act trapped."

_Two words blonde: Craft Time._

"...shinobi have been know to be captured some times..."

_Un. –twitch- Anyway, every day the witch would come and visit the girl in the tower._

Temari (who has been sitting on a fake pumpkin during this entire conversation) moved to the base of the tower and started walking up the wall.

_The witch would call up to __Rapunzel__ and say HEY! You're not __suppose__ to be doing that!!_

Temari stopped half way up, "Why not? This is how you would go up a tower right?"

_NO! The witch didn't have Chakra! She had to clime up __Rapunzel__'s hair._

Temari and Ino looked at each other. "No way in hell."

Ino (who looked board right at the moment) asked, "How would you get up a tower with no stairs and no Chakra?"

_I wouldn't; __unless__ someone at the top let down a ladder or something...we're off topic. Go back down and clime up._

"That is a waste of time! I'm halfway up now."

_Damnit. Can't you people just do as you're told?! Bah. Forget it. Leave the stage for a few minutes. I need to introduce the "prince"._

Temari walked back down the tower grumping about people who couldn't make up there mind.

_Love you too. Anyway, one day a the heir to the kingdom was walking past the tower on his way home from the neighboring kingdom._

"Tch. Troublesome."

_I'm going to put you in charge of guarding the girls dressing room if you don't move it._

"Fine. What do I do now?"

_Stand there and __listen__. The girl in the tower was __curious__ about the traveler and called out to the prince._

"...what are you wearing, Lazy Ass?"

"...it was too troublesome to argue."

_He looks fine; it's the same costume the next prince with have. Moving on. The prince, hearing about how the girl had been locked up all her life, __decided__ to rescue her from the tower._

Ino blinked, "Wait. I'm waiting for him to rescue me?"

_Yep._

"...Great. I have time to watch the Naruto Fillers now..."

_Good Gad. Don't bring those up. __Just get moving; the 'witch' should be coming back soon._

A waving hand got the narrators attention, "I never left. I told you I'm not going to get pushed from back stage again."

_Gah__. Fine whatever._

"You sound defeated," pointed out Ino.

_I'm tired. It'__s like...four in the morning where I live. Anyway, the prince saw the witch and knew he would have to fight her in order to rescue __Rapunzel_

"NO! Not again. I refuse to fight him again!"

_-head, meet desk- Okay, look_

BOOOM!!!

_WHAT THE HELL?! I'll be right back! –sound of a door __slamming__-_

Ino looked out the window of the tower, "What was that?"

"No clue," answered Shikamaru.

Tenten stuck her head in from stage left, "I think the pyromaniac just knocked over something..."

Temari threw her hands up, "Wonderful. When is this story going to end anyway?"

"Tch. I'm leaving. This whole thing's not going anywhere anyway," said Shikamaru as he walked off stage.

"Same here. AND DON'T TRY TO PUSH ME BACK OUT BUN-BRAINED SOCIOPATH!"

"...that's it? You can't come up with something worse than bun-brained sociopath?" asked Tenten as she walked out on to the stage.

"It's the damn outfit. Wearing all black under these lights makes my head hurt."

"There it some aspirin in the first aid kit in the girls dressing room," said Tenten as she fliped some papers in a notebook.

"Good. Shikamaru! Come with me and make sure the pervert is not already in the girls dressing room."

Shikamaru sighed, "Which one?"

Shikamaru and Temari walked off the stage to the dressing rooms.

"...he left me up here!"

Tenten stopped and looked up, "What?"

"He left me—his teammate—up here and went with TEMARI!!! How wrong is that?!"

-not paying attention- "Happens."

"NO! You don't get it! He left me up here for Temari!!!"

"You are a Kunoichi; you can't get out your self?"

"OF COURSE I CAN."

Tenten waved her hand, "Then come on! We need to run before the next story starts."

"Tch. Fine then."

-door slams-

_Okay, the fire is out. What have I missed?_

"IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT SHIKAMARU RAN OFF WITH TEMARI!!!"

_Huh? Translation please._

"Temari and Shikamaru walked off stage," said Tenten, "I don't think we can get them back any time soon."

_...damn. Okay, fine.__ The prince instead of fighting the witch ran off with her and __Rapunzel__...went to college and became a successful psychologist. The End. I got to go and make sure that no more fires start. You guys can clean up right? LATER!_

_-SLAM-_

"...what happened?"

"The story ended. I need to find Gaara-sama and tell him to clean up his sand. Do you need help getting down?"

"No," said Ino as she cut the freaky braid off, "I'm a capable Kunoichi and I don't need anyone's help." She landed next to Tenten and started to walk off stage.

"ARGK!!!"

Tenten paused, "Sounds like Shikamaru needs a capable Kunoichi. Want to help?"

"PERVERT!"

"Nah. That sounded like Sakura; she can handle it."

"She was the one screaming pervert..."

"Exactly."

This is Charmed –waves excitedly- we'd like to thank you for reading Tessen half assed attempt during her study time for Finals; which I don't have until JANUARY! I ROCK! lol

COOKIES FOR ALL!


	11. Brain Damage

**Omake****: Brain Damage**

* * *

"Where's Itachi?! I need him for the next story!!" Charmed screamed as she ravaged through the entire building in a panicked state.

"He's been in the same place since your friend kidnapped him," Shino stated before pointing to a darkest corner of the building.

"He still hasn't woken up?!" Charmed gasped, "Hikari!!"

"Yush?" Hikari questioned, appearing at Charmed's side from seemingly nowhere.

"How hard did you hit Itachi?"

Hikari thought about it for a moment, "Hard enough to knock him out but not too hard. Why?"

Charmed pointed to Itachi's motionless body lying in a heap upon the cold stone floor, "Then explain to me why he isn't up yet."

"I don't know …" Hikari muttered before gasping, "Do you think I killed him?!"

"You? Kill Itachi? Don't flatter yourself," Sai lamely stated.

"Anyway …" Hikari chose to ignore Sai, "I know I didn't hit him _that_ hard."

"Hit who how hard?" Tessen questioned as she passed by, "Is there a problem?"

"Itachi hasn't woken up yet!" Charmed sighed, "Hikari hit him too hard …"

"I didn't mean to!" Hikari shouted in her defense.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"Once," Both Hikari and Beth replied simultaneously.

"You … both hit him?" Charmed questioned.

"I hit him to knock him out so Lee and I could drag him here," Hikari explained.

"And a few stories back I noticed he was waking up so I hit him over the head with the script," Tessen answered.

"More like beat him over the head repetitively …" Sai stated, earning a cold glare from Tessen.

"Geez … Who else hit Itachi?!" Charmed sighed sarcastically.

"I hit him!" Naruto chirped, "Believe it!!"

"I might have hit him once too," Sakura replied shyly.

"I hit him," Sasuke proudly stated before quietly adding, "…more than once …"

"Sasuke?!" Hikari gasped, "That was a low blow …"

"Hn …" Sasuke ignored the girl as he walked off.

"Okay … Who _else_ hit Itachi?!" Charmed shouted, demanding and answer from everyone.

Hands rose from all over the building, and in the end the only ones who didn't hit Itachi were Deidara and Shikamaru – because it was too troublesome.

"Hinata?!" Tessen gasped, "You too?!"

"Yeah! Go Hinata!!" Kiba beamed as Hinata blushed and quickly searched for a place to hide.

"What?!" Deidara gasped from the back of the room, "Itachi's here? And we were aloud to hit him?! Why wasn't I told about this?!!"

"Well … that explains everything," Charmed sighed.

Moments later, everyone gasped as Itachi's dark eyes snapped open. Many backed away quickly – most fleeing to the farthest end of the room – as he slowly rose from the ground.

"You!" Itachi growled, pointing an accusing finger in Hikari's direction.

Hikari let out a squeak as she hid behind the first person she could find, which just happened to be Naruto. Both Naruto and Hikari were shaking as Itachi leaned down glaring hatefully at the two before speaking up; asking a single question.

"Do you think I'm a pretty pony?"

Naruto and Hikari blinked. They paused for a moment before blinking a second time before Hikari finally found her voice.

"W-what?"

"Do you think I'm a pretty pony?" Itachi repeated, "It's a simple yes or no answer. I mean look at me!" Itachi flipped his midnight locks before giving the girl a cocky smirk, "Do you see my lovely mane? Touch it! It's oh so soft."

Hikari held back fits of laughter as she reached out and cautiously ran her fingers through Itachi's hair, "Yes … it's very soft …"

"Yay!!" Itachi cheered, "So do you think I'm a pretty pony?!"

"Yes … You're," Hikari gave a snort before continuing, "one of the most beautiful ponies I've ever laid eyes upon."

Happy with her answer, Itachi skipped off to Tessen before asking the baffled girl the very same question he had just asked Hikari. It was then when both Hikari and Naruto fell to the ground in a fit of laughter.

Tessen gave him a nod before watching him skip off to Neji. The two exchanged a few words before Itachi snatched Neji's bows from his hair and ran off.

"Those belong to Neji!!" Charmed shouted as she chased Itachi down.

"They belong in my pretty mane!!" Itachi retorted as he began tying the bows within his hair while in the process of running from Charmed.

Neji, on the other hand, didn't seem too upset by it as he walked off, only adding to Hikari and Naruto's entertainment.

"I think we hit him one too many times …" Tessen sighed.

* * *

**Fin!**


	12. Holiday Special

HI FOLKS! I'm Sand Tessen! -ducks tomato-

Damn it, don't throw things at me! Especially not things that will attract the "obsessive avenger" okay? (actually this is very unjustified; everyone has been very nice about our sudden lack of updates. I will not take back the comment about Sasuke though.)

We are sorry about not updating lately. Life, school, and writers block has gotten the better of us at the moment. But we are coming up with ways to get around this. Life we have to live with...that was cheesy...and school we can't get away from but the writers block we are overcoming by working on other stories and new ideas for this one. So expect some new stuff and some odd things to appear during 2008.

I will also reinforce our disclaimer: If you recognize it we don't own it. Trust me; we are not making ANY money from this.

-waves- Enjoy our holiday special!

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

NOTE: I don't mean to make fun of anyone or of any fan base, but this is a parody; I'm aiming more at the Reeeaaalllyyy out there fan girls/boys, 'k? This is also our take on the bad 'fan-girls/boys-attack' fanfictions out there. So the-long-and-short of this message: IT IS **NOT** MY GOAL TO INSULT ANYONE!

End Note

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-sound effect or action-

_Thought or stressing importance of the word_

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_It was the night before Christmas and all through the...reinforced steel building with time-activated presser lock doors not a creature was stirring; not even a...toad?_

Tessen, who had decided to say up late to work on a story out line, watched as an orange and black toad with a blue vest jumped in front of her and continued to do so annoyingly.

-blink- "Can I help you?"

"HI girly! What's to eat around here?"

"...what do you want?" She was furiously hoping that it wasn't bugs other wise Shino was going to have a fit. Unless of course it was spiders then they could work out a deal...what did he say?

"Sorry. Can you repeat that?"

"Eh. Popcorn?"

Tessen reached for the bowl beside her, "Help your self."

"Yahhhhhoooo!" The toad? Surely not, too smooth skinned and...what did he say?

"Pardon?"

"What'ch working on?" The toad had hopped in to the bowl it self and consequently on her lap.

"I was working on a_ The_ _Night Before Christmas_ Special for our story _Once Upon a FanFiction_; but I'm not having much luck in the subject."

"-Crunch- Why not? -Crunch-"

_Toads don't have teeth!!!_

"Hmm? Oh uh...I really can't figure out who should play who...except Itachi; he wants to play the little girl...Maybe I should have gone with _The Christmas Carol_…we could have posted Jiraiya as Scrooge…"

-CrunchCrunchCrunch-

-twitch-

"Who doles he ordty og, erly?"

"What?" asked Tessen as she swept bits of chewed popcorn off her jeans.

-Swallow- "How does the story go, girly?"

"Uh……cliff notes version; the old man wakes up when he hears the pounding of reindeer hooves on his roof, goes to the living room to check it out sees Saint Nicolas—or Santa whatever you want to go with—watches him for a few minutes and then watches as he goes up the chimney."

The orange toad rubbed his chin, "uh…………is a little girl in this story?"

"Well……would you argue with him? I'm not going to."

-crunchcrunchcrunch-

-twitch-

"Why reindeer? Why not toads?"

Tessen blinked, "Don't toads freeze in cold weather?"

"Not the point."

"I think it plays a big part in it."

-BANGBANGBANG-

"The hell……"

"Santa?!" yelled the orange toad excitedly.

-blink- "It's the 9th…"

-BANGBANGCRASH-

-blink- "The door has a dent in it."

-crunchcrunchcrunch- "That's bad?"

"Yeah."

BONG

Tobi appears out of NOWHERE! "Carolers! Yea!" Opens door.

"Damn it, STOP! It's time-activated, you orange finger print!"

Too late! The door opens to admit...Sasuke Fan Girls?

As one unit, they rushed through the door and all turned to point at the defenseless girl in the rocking chair, "YOU" They all shout.

-blinkblinkblink- "Shouldn't there be more of you? I think there are only about 35 of you guys; and three of you are boys."

"That does not matter! We are the representatives of the various Sasuke Uchiha Fan Girls/Boys clubs in Fire Country! And we demand to know why you make fun of Sasuke Uchiha and have kept him captive when it's our job!"

Tessen stared at the new comers in awe; she had never heard such a large group speak in unison before! And she went to music concerts.

"uh...I don't really make fun of Sasuke much," she answered (conveniently forgetting to mention the 'captive' part) "I think he is a good prop manager. He hasn't lost anything yet and glares at people when ever they come near the prop table."

"LIES! ALL LIES! You wrote The Little Red Uchiha!"

Tessen shook her head, "Nooooooo, wrong girl. I'm Sand Tessen. The girl you're looking for is Charmedbythedarkarts; other wise known at Charmed."

"Then direct us to this _Charmed _person and we will continue with our killing."

Tessen once again amazed at the groups ability to speak as one. "Well...I don't know. I need her to finish her stories and she helps me with mine a lot so (the killing intent was suddenly 10 times what it normally was). She went out the door just as you came in. She said something about going to Grass Country for pizza."

"KILL!!!" shouted the group and out they went.

Tessen jumped to her feet (dumping popcorn and toad) and ran to slam the door shut, but not before a group of Hinata Fan Girls/Boys entered. How did she know they were Hinata's fan base? She saw the banners.

Tessen smacked her hand to her head and had to freaking ask, "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"We demand..."

"That we hand over Hinata because it's your right?"

"...correct. You should also hand over Kiba, Akamaru, and Shino."

"oh. Wops. I mistook you guys for Hinata's base; you're really Team 8's Fan group?"

"No, no. You had it right the first time, but the Kiba, Akamaru, and Shino Fan groups are getting food for the rest of us. So we are out-sourcing the fan base."

"Oh," she said, "well, that's nice of you. But I'm afraid that we are not done with the characters yet. Besides, it's not like the Manga is using them right now. I mean Team Gai alone hasn't been mentioned since chapter 281 and lets not get started on the Sand Team. Is it not better that they at least have something to do while they wait for their return? That way they are not bored or out of work." Tessen was currently using any and all powers of persuasion she owned to try to not be bludgeoned to death.

"You make fun of them."

"No, no, no. You got it wrong. I don't make fun of them. Shino is a very valuable member of the crew; he keep Charmed in line...as much as he can at any rate. Hinata is very good a filling in rolls that normally would not be filled, and Kiba is...Helpful too!"

"They are needed for the current ark!" yelled the crowd, "What about that?"

"Phf. You know they 'film' that stuff months ahead of time. Why do you think we have Jiraiya with us? Or Orochimaru?"

The crowd looked at the girl strangely, "You brought him back from the dead!"

"Not the point. The point of the matter is that you are going to miss the entire cast at the book store in town. They will be signing the Naruto mangas around noon or so. That's why the Sasuke fan group left so quickly you know."

The different fan bases looked at each other for a minute before turning around and walking out the door; they didn't really know the lay out of the tower anyway.

Tessen sighed as she slammed the door and programmed the time lock. Obviously the thing wasn't activated. Who was the last one out anyway?

As Tessen pushed the last button and was locking the small access keypad Tobi was 'sneaking' up behind her.

"Don't try it, finger print."

"You saw ME?!"

"No." -turn- -Grasp-

Tobi was currently having trouble breathing; probably due to the hand around his throat.

"Why did you open the door you...you...you!"

"Because the back door is open!"

"...pardon?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hikari is a very deep sleeper. Normally her friends did not want to even try to wake her for fear of her WRATH. Yes, the capitulation was purposeful. But on the times they did try to wake her they normally threw things at her and ran in the opposite direction. This normally had mixed results; some times she woke up, some times she threw it back, sometimes she just dumps the book, stuffed animal, baseball, est., on the floor. But even she could not ignore the chanting.

The girl looked up to find 16 random people bowing and chanting before her.

"Oh Great Hikari-san. We Are Not Worthy."

"...I need a frappuccino."

Suddenly five different cups were shoved under her nose.

"Uh...a vanilla bean frappuccino."

All the cups disappeared but were replaced with seven vanilla bean frappuccinos.

"...AHA! YOU GUYS ROCK!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charmed awoke suddenly and with a sense of utter doom (which was stupid; she didn't have school today).

Pushing off her covers and stepping to the door; she heard what sounded like a muffled conversation behind the door.

"That can't be right," said Charmed, "The only other person that should be up and not locked in their room would be Tessen...or Hikari, but not likely. Why am I talking out loud?"

Shrugging she opened the door to find people dressed in robes with a red cloud pattern.

_Oh, shit._

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tessen was running up to the fourth floor of the building when she heard a rather loud scream...from two floors down.

_Damn it. Go back or forward?_

"HEY GIRLY!"

"WILL YOU STOP FOLLOWING ME?! I thought you had to stay with Naruto."

The toad stopped hopping up and down to sit on the railing of the stairs, "That last scream you heard was brought to you by Chibi Neji."

"...crud."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Tessen got to Neji's (supposedly locked) room she found to her surprise that a group of fan girls (and one boy) were laying knocked out on the floor.

"NEJI!" yelled everyone's favorite green bean, "You should not have done that to such youthful people!"

"They wanted to put _clips_ in my hair!"

Tessen stuck her head in through the door and noted that Lee and Neji were sharing a room...this must be remedied.

"Uh, guys?"

Neji turned before Lee could, "YOU!"

"...Yo. Good job on the...intruders, Neji. How did you reach them?"

"I..Intruders? That's horrible!" cried out Lee. "Are we being invaded?"

"Uh...YES! Yes, we are! Good of you to figure it out. _We_ need to get all the intruders out! Before something happens..."

"I will gladly help my friend Tessen to secure her home and place of work!!!" yelled Lee as he walked out the door.

"Why should I help you?" asked Neji.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," said Tessen as she shut and relocking the door.

Neji's left eye twitched as he suddenly noted that he had been locked in the room..._again._

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hikari didn't have a clue who these people were, but they were her new best...minions.

She currently had a crown on her head and was watching _Pushing Up Daises_ (They gave her high speed Internet!) when the representative of the Akatsuki Yaoi Fan Base suddenly appeared and said that the group had a 'offering' for her.

"Cool! Does it have anything to do with _Kingdom Hearts_?!"

The representative, a 17 year old blond girl, blinked, "Nooooo, but we do have keys!" She proudly displayed the set of keys in front of Hikari as she leaned forward to look at them.

"OH! A Sesshomaru keychain! Charmed has one of those...in fact those look a lot like her keys..."

The blond girl nodded sadly, "Yes, It pains us to do this, but we figured that in order for you to have a proper sacrifice we had to surrender something that was important to us. BRING HER IN!"

And in 'they' came ('they' being the Kiba/Shino, Shikamaru/Kiba, and the Neji/Sasuke yaoi groups) with Charmed; who was being carried on a chair. She was smiling and playing with the crown of flowers on her head, "HIKARI! Guess what?! They say I'm very important! Isn't that cool?!"

"Yeah! That's cool! They told me that they have a sacrifice for me. You should stick around."

"ASOME! What are they sacrificing?" charmed asked excitedly. She looked around but couldn't find anything obvious.

"Not sure."

"Ah." Now Charmed is a smart girl. She will figure it out in a minute.

The blond Rep. for the Akatsuki Yaoi Fan Base opened a large box and pulled out a genuine imitation (dull-as-a-freaking-butter-knife) samurai sword and turned to look at Charmed in a apologetic manner.

"...What?"

The girl bowed but then straitened up and raised her 'sword', "Sorry that we have to do this, but well..." -Shrug-

"Wait a minute. ME!?!? HIKKKAAAARRRIIIII! They're going to KILL me!"

Before the yaoi fan groups knew what was going on; Charmed jumped on to Hikari's bed and hung on to her neck for dear life...literally.

"Don't be silly. The won't kill you if I tell them not to."

The blond girl frowned, "But we were going to sell her blood to the Sasuke fan base so that we could buy you the Kingdom Hearts 3 game from Japan. They have a sneak-peek promotional disk for sale."

"AHA! She will never give up her best friend for that! She likes me better than some game! Right Hikari?"

-silence-

"Hikari?"

"They have a promotional disk for _sale_?!"

"HIKARI!"

"What? Oh...uh...dang."

Charmed looked faintly betrayed, "What do you mean by 'DANG'!?"

"...that's a really rare thing you know...a promotional disk."

"...You are not selling me for a promotional disk. I am worth more than that!"

"We think we can get her a Gaara t-shirt and some DVD's as well," supplied the blond girl helpfully.

"...is the t-shirt from _Hot Topic_ or _Shonen Jump_?"

"HIKARI!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tessen had managed to find Shino and had 'persuaded' him to join her little rescue group. Of which numbered a grand total of three: herself, Lee, and Shino.

Hopefully this will be enough...and if not; she is sooooooo going back to the Inuyasha fandom.

Tessen knew that the last large group was on the fifth floor; the authors' residential rooms. Surprisingly, Gaara had shoved almost all of the 'intruders' out somehow...which brought up the question on _why_ _Gaara_ didn't just exit the same way; he just sort of blinked and said he wasn't suicidal. Tessen didn't bother to ask.

She had heard Charmed yelling Hikari's name but didn't think anything about it; until she managed to get to the fifth level where she came across some resistance...actually she just couldn't get to the dang door because of the people.

"Excuse me. Uh hey, could you move? Dude do you hear me? MOVE IT OR I'M GOING TO SHOVE PEANUT BUTTER DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

Needless to say, people moved; are you going to stand in the way of a person that will shove peanut butter (that she doesn't have) down your throat?

"What the hell are you guys doing?! Don't you know we are being over run with Fan Bases?!" she turned to look at the blond Rep. "And what's that thing? A sword? OUT!"

"You can't tell us what to do!"

"Wanta bet?! If you don't get out of here _right now_ not only am I going to give you...PAPERWORK; I will put you in one of our stories!"

"WAIT!" yelled Hikari, "They were going to give me a promotional _Kingdom Hearts_ disk!"

Tessen gave her a serous look, "Is it in Japanese or English? Your game station won't play anything from Japan you know."

Hikari paused and looked at the Akatsuki Rep.

"Uh...well...I think it would be in Japanese; it's not an American promotion."

Hikari sighed with the unfairness of it all. "Okay, don't bother then. It won't run on my game player."

Charmed blinked, "I've been saved by a technical detail?"

"Huh?" asked Tessen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was while Charmed and Hikari were explaining the whole 'Charmed was going to be given as a sacrifice' ordeal that the Yaoi Fan groups quietly left for the night. It was late after all and only the 9th of December; most still had school the next morning.

"That is...odd," was all Tessen could think to say when they had finished. "BUT! It's over! Now we can go to...who are you guys?"

The trio had not noticed that a group of four had backed Lee and Shino into a corner and were asking them questions.

"Will you sign this?! Please? It's for my sister! She couldn't come because she has a final exam, but she would so be here if she could!"

One held a camera, "Come on! Put your arm around him. It will be a great picture. He probably won't kill you like Neji would."

"Do you ever get to play with Akamaru? I mean I know he's kind of big now, but you throw sticks and stuff right?"

"Why do you wear _green_ jumpsuits? I thought you were called the Great _Blue_ Beast of Kohana in the manga."

"HEY!" yelled Charmed, "Why are you guys sticking around?"

"We want our questions answered."

"Too bad," said Tessen, "Shoo. We need to go to sleep. Don't make me get Gaara."

"COOL! You can get Gaara?!"

"OUT!"

Three of the fans left but the one with a camera.

"What do you want?" asked Shino.

She held up the camera, "Put your arms around each other."

"Why?"

"She's a Shino/Lee yaoi fan girl," said Tessen deadpanned. "Oh and FYI, I'd run."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the last fan girl had been...politely escorted out of the building; Tessen was talking with Shino (who was calmly ripping camera film into little itty-bitty pieces) and Gamakichi (the little orange toad).

"Well girly? Are you going to write that Christmas Special you were all hyped up about?"

"Not likely." Tessen was tired and the only thing she wanted to do was go to bed.

"I'll let someone else work on the holiday specials. Except the Dracula one Charmed and I are going to do."

"Dracula?" asked Shino.

"What? Never heard of it? Bah. Don't worry about it. You'll like your part." And with out further-to-do she the door to her office.

-ribbit- "CAN I BE IN IT?" yelled Gamakichi.

A very faint 'sure' was heard on the other side of the door.

Rather randomly, Tobi appeared behind Shino and yelled out, "A HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A..."

"GOOD NIGHT!" yelled Tessen.

Shino _just_ _barely_ managed to duck the chair that was thrown out the door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah! And that was our holiday special.

Another special maybe posted, but it will be posted after the month of December (hopefully sometime in January).

Anyway, Happy Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice/Cold Weather Month to you and your families. (If I forgot a holiday add it in or leave a note in a review about it; I love learning about new things.)

We (Charmed, Hikari, myself, and the Naruto crew [wither they like it or not) hope you have a safe holiday and a great New Year.


	13. Aladdin yeah

Charmed: -Coos- DeiDei quit being such a big baby

Deidara: -Angry twitch- -hand moves to hip-

Charmed: Don't bother we made sure to take all your clay. Come on Shino we have a story to start! –Drags Deidara along-

Shino: -follows-

Deidara: I don't want to be apart of this Bullshit any longer…YEAH! –Tears arm away from Charmed-

Charmed: -pout teary eyes- You don't like us anymore?!

Deidara: I never did like you, only came to get away from Tobi.

Charmed: -Evil smile- Okay Deidei, I'll make you a deal you behave and help me out I'll let you blow something up next chapter you're in

Deidara: -looks at charmed- How do I know you're being honest…un?

Charmed: you don't! –Smiles happily- but what do you have to loose?

Shino: -supplies lamely- Your self respect, and dignity

Charmed: good point! We have a story to start! Come DeiDei –drags him away-

Deidara: WHAT THE HELL!

Charmed: -slams door shut- You stay there so we can get the rest of the characters Come on Shino,

Shino: -Nods following Charmed- Where?

Charmed: OH! We have to get Itachi first we have to convince him he's a princess and not a…..pony….

Shino: ….. He gets to be a princess that's…..pretty

Charmed: well it's worth a shot, then we have to get Orochi, Sushi, Tobi, Kabuto, I think that's everyone…… small cast.

Charmed and Shino found Itachi, playing with his hair, braiding Neji's blue ribbons into his long dark locks. Shino noticed, Charmed's hands were twitching he wasn't sure why, yet.

Itachi: have you come to bask in my prettiness?

Charmed: -twitch-

Shino: ……

Itachi: -stares intently while curling a strand of dark hair around his finger-

Charmed: -twitches looks to the floor- we've come to make you a princess, a very pretty princess who falls in love with a handsome….. Prince?

Itachi: really….

Shino: -nods-

Itachi: Okay about time! –Smiles brightly flipping hair over shoulder- do I get new clothes?

Charmed: Of course, right before we start.

Charmed and Shino: -quickly talks the other needed characters before leaving-

Charmed: okay we got everyone, now we got to get costumes.

Shino: where are you going get those?

Charmed: INTERNET!

Charmed: Okay now we're ready!

CASTING CALL!

Please form a line!

Voice from the back: Tobi FIRST!

Tobi: -comes jumping up to the front-

Charmed: Tobi, -smiles brightly- you get to be Aladdin's partner

Tobi: -nods excitedly-

Charmed: next! Look Shino its Sushi-san

Kisame: -glares-

Charmed: Sushi-San you get to be the powerful genie, which helps the hero, and is wanted by the bad guy.

Kisame: -glares-

Charmed: help yourself to the sake, until it's time

Kisame: -shark-y smile-

Charmed: Next! Hello again Orochimaru, you get to play the bad guy who's after both the genie and the princess (I know I'm creative)

Orochimaru: -nods- Who's the princess?

Charmed: -mumbles- Itachi

Orochimaru: -evil smirk-

Charmed: He has issues

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: Okay, Kabuto, you get to pay Orochimaru's assistant (my creativity never ends) Next!

DeiDie! I missed you!

Deidara: Crazy Bitch, you just saw me, you locked me in a closet.

Charmed: -twitch- at least you finally came out……of the closet…..-big smile-….anyway you g… get to play the hero, who finds the genie and a saves the princess.

Deidara: that sucks..un!

Charmed: that's your business. –smiles sweetly-

Deidara: -looks hesitant- fine, turns and leaves golden hair whipping around-

Charmed: -glittery eyes-

Shino: you should start the story. …

Charmed: OH! DUH! –Giggles-

Shino: -shakes his head-

Aladdin……yeah!

(Akatsuki style)

(Thoughts)

-Actions-

"Talking"

WARNING: THIS STORY IS GOING TO BE DESTORIED, JUST SO I CAN MAKE IT FIT, THE MOLD OF WHAT I NEED IT TO BE! I DON'T APLOGIZE FOR THIS. IF YOU LIKE THE ORINGAL (DISNEY) VERISON, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU READING THIS ANYWAY. (DUH) NOW ON WITH THE STORY, ONE MORE THING PLEASE FORGET EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT ALADDIN THIS IS BARELY GOING TO BE THAT. HONESTLY THIS IS ONLY ALADDIN BY NAME AND A FEW KEY THINGS I STOLE (BORROWED) FROM THE DISNEY VERSION.

* * *

Once upon a time, lived a beautiful transvestite princess, whose beauty was rivaled by no other in all the lands, (lol I can't believe I just wrote that). Her parents, who where in the middle of vicious custody battle which, had begun a war between the two nations her parents ruled. For Her safety and due to the court order, she was sent to live with her closest relative; this one lived just a three day journey away, in the land of stone. (Let's see who gets that) 

In Stone, lived a struggling self-proclaimed artist with fetish for blowing things up. He lived in stone, with his overly cheerful, masked assistant (Tobi!!!). Lately they had hit a snag financially; people just didn't seem to understand how fleeting and brief true art like his is. That and they didn't appreciate it blowing up in their faces, before they got home.

He refused to do something as unimaginative as what people considered a real job. He prefers to steal. Did that make him a thief, of course not, he was an artist, and if they caught him he was a thief, but that never happens.

The princess, had finally arrived in stone, so far it was dull, just rocks and sand. The city it's self wasn't much better, the people crowded to see the princess. Never to let down an audience she cheerfully waved, and throwing flirty winks at all the men.

Deidara never one to let a chance slip by, quickly helped himself to all the market carts that had been, deserted in the attempt in to see the visitor. "Suckers" Deidara didn't care much for a snuck up princesses with no personality and the brain capacity of mud. (I have a thing against princesses) by the time the princess had left and reached castle and all the merchants gone back to their carts, Deidara was gone and had enough foods and goods to last at least month.

The princess, made it to castle to be greeted by a tall sickly pale man with eerie yellow eyes, and the most gorgeous long black hair, not better than her own dark locks of course but close. Standing next to him was a younger man with gray hair pulled into a ponytail and glasses.

"Hello, Princess, I am, Lord Akatsuki's assistant (I know I'm very creative –rolls eyes-), Orochimaru, and this is my assistant Kabuto. The lord was called away, as a character witness for your father during the divorce, we are here to make your stay here comfortable and cater to your every need." Orochimaru stated voice, sounding silky and but dangerous and creepy at the same time.

"Hn okay, I'm Itachi, but call me princess, now come on give me the tour so I can rest," Said Itachi whose cheerful voice faded to indifference to toward the end.

"Of course" Orochimaru stated, once again with the creepy silky voice. "Kabuto get her bags." Orochimaru ordered before disappearing with the princess.

Deidara was going through his goodies, when he found an old sake bottle, why he grabbed this old thing he didn't know, maybe it was next to something shiny. Looking at it more carefully, it is shiny, just covered in grime. Quickly rubbing it down, he realized it was gold, and it had something in it. Shaking it roughly, he listened to it ding only to have it start shaking, as smoke seeped out of the top of the bottle.

"What the hell….un"

"Who has hic wo… hic… ken me," Called a drunken voice from the smoke, which now filled the room.

"Good thing the fire…."

-Fire alarm goes off-

"Too late…un"

-Sprinklers come on-

The smoke clears out to reveal a soaked wet drunk blue guy fish thing.

The blue fish man, shook himself free of water much like a dog would as soon as the sprinklers stop, getting Deidara more wet in the process.

"Where was I" questioned the blue man out loud to himself, "oh yeah, who has woken me from my drunken nap."

"What do you mean…un"

"Did you shake my bottle?"

"Yeah I shook the piece of junk."

"I'll ignore that; that makes you my master."

"No thanks, I already have an annoying assistant…un."

"I'm not an assistant, I'm a genie."

"Is that what they call drunks these days…un"

"Do you have a speak problem."

"No…un"

"Whatever, I've had odder masters."

"If you are a genie I thought you were supposed to rub the bottle/lamp thing…un."

"yea, I know my rubber thing broke a few years ago, about 500 years ago to be exact, and well I can't choose between the brands to get me a new one, you want the best and the one that has the best warranty that way it won't break in the middle of all the action." the genie explained completely serious.

Deidara couldn't shake the feeling that he had just heard something completely dirty. "Sure…un"

"Make a wish girly-man I'll prove I'm a genie." the blue fish man demanded getting frustrated.

"fine…un I wish…

"Wait!" "There are some rules first. One you can't wish for more wishes, you only get three; Two, I can't kill anyone, but I can help you do it; -insert evil smirk- three, I can't make anyone fall in love, but I can make it easier for it to happen (because women are mostly shallow and distracted by shiny objects); four, can't bring back the dead, it's messy and smelly; lastly, I can't change anyone's gender, I'm still in court with plastic surgeons over the last time."

"Last time…un"

"Don't ask….. So where's the sake?"

"So what do I call you….un?"

"Kisame"

"I'm Deidara…un"

"And I'm Tobi! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi shouted appearing out of no where, causing Deidara to jump, Kisame to chuckle and Tobi to be hit by Deidara.

One would think having a genie would make life easier, those people had never met Kisame, he was more like a bum than the traditional genie; he was mostly got drunk then of course he'd pass out. Tobi got much enjoyment out it, Deidara found it annoying, and was tired of it.

"Wake up asshole…un"

"Ten more minutes"

"Get up…yeah" Deidara yelled kicking him, only to get a snore in response.

"I'm going to blow your ass up….I got a wish….un"

"About time" yawned Kisame sitting up ignoring the glare he received from Deidara.

"I wish, I could steal all the gold from the castle."

"You know you could just wish for all the gold from the entire castle." Supplied Kisame lamely

"Where's the art and talent in that…un"

"Good point."

"Or you could wish, to be the Lord of the castle." Tobi excitedly supplied.

"What?"

"It's your wish don't let me tell you want to wish for"

"Yeah."

'I wish….

"Just don't waste your wishes be sure you really know what you want."

"I know yeah."

"Are you sure sempai?"

"Don't call me that Dumb ass."

"You said you had a wish, Blondie" Kisame said lamely getting bored of this quickly.

"Yes I wish I could be….

"Ruler of the palace; Right?? Sempai!." Tobi interrupted joyfully.

Deidara hits Tobi, "I told you not to call me that Dumb ass."

"Works for me" Kisame said snapping his fingers, "it's done"

"What….." Deidara yelled only to interrupted by him disappearing

"The hell" Deidara finished looking around only to see he wasn't in his home anymore.

(-)

Itachi had been roaming the palace, looking for entertainment. That creepy pale guy told him he'd find him some entertainment. Yet here Itachi was bored.

Walking down the large overly decorated hallway, the silence was shattered by a loud yell. Itachi being curious ran to investigate; you never know it might be a cute guy. Itachi reached the thrown room to be greeted by the sight of a feminine boy with long golden locks wearing a pair of pants, vest and long robe like jacket all black accented with red clouds.

Itachi thought the look was a bit over done but not everyone could be as great looking as him.

Itachi walked quietly into the room still watching the boy curse and yell throwing a tantrum like a small child.

"Wait until get my hands on you, you stupid son-of-fish…un" Deidara grumbled loudly still not noticing Itachi.

"Who are you?" Itachi asked tapping Deidara on the shoulder.

"He's Prince Deidara, Tobi is Tobi," Tobi shouted appearing out of nowhere, with Kisame.

"Where the hell do you come from...un" Deidara yelled hitting poor Tobi.

"Sempai that hurt" Tobi pouted, "Tobi is here to help, Kisame, said Tobi is good boy and good boy should help sempai." Tobi cheered happily.

"And you still have two more wishes." Kisame finished, with a drunken shark-y smile.

"Two, I didn't wish for this you asshole" Yelled Deidara.

"Yes you did Sempai" Tobi supplied happily, only to be hit seconds later.

Itachi was getting annoyed at being ignored.

"What's going on here and who are you guys?" Itachi yelled huffing angrily.

Kisame looked at Itachi for the first time since appearing in the room.

"Who are you?" Kisame asked.

"I'm princess Itachi." Itachi said arrogantly.

"Isn't Itachi a boy's name." Kisame said pulling out some sake.

"Maybe it's a neutral name like Tobi, Tobi thinks" Tobi excitedly yells.

Deidara wasn't sure; he looked at Itachi trying to figure that out. The self called princess had long black hair tied in red ribbons, the 'princess' had black eyes, and a strong face which was covered in makeup, red eye shadow, black eye liner and ruby red lip stick. No hints there, looking at the outfit, starting with black and red half top (think Sai's top) and black leather pants that flared to heeled sandals with painted red toe nails.

He didn't know eyes returned to find the princess looking at him, it scared him.

"See something you like" The princess purred latching her self onto him.

"….." Deidara tried to get out of princess's clutches.

"I don't touch me…un" Deidara yelled trying to run away from the princess, only to have the princess hold him tighter.

"You can wish her…him…it away" Kisame suggested.

"I wish…" Deidara started

"We could be together forever." Finished Itachi playing with Deidara's hair.

"Done!" Kisame stated with a snap of his fingers.

"What?!" Deidara yelled, running at Kisame only to get within one foot of him and be yanked back to the princess.

"Now you must stay within five feet of the 'princess'." Kisame stated lamely.

"isn't that great Deidara-kun" Itachi purred wrapping arms around Deidara's neck.

Deidara just glared at Kisame.

"What's your kid; I made you a prince and made it where you can't leave the presence of the pretty princess." Kisame stated with a sharky smile.

"I didn't want either." Deidara yelled furious.

"Sempai, you're rich and powerful prince now, you can do anything you want." Tobi supplied happily.

Only to be hit, "I told you not to call me that asshole." Deidara said thinking about what he said, only to feel someone kissing his neck.

He moved his hand to push the princess head away, letting the mouths on his hands bite her cheek enough to hopefully scare her away.

"Aren't you full of secrets deidei." Cooed Itachi biting Deidara's thumb,

"I'll show you some of mine" Itachi purred dragging Deidara away.

"Kisame, I wish you are unhappy for the rest of your life, asshole…yeah." Deidara yelled as he was pulled from the room.

Kisame gave a loud drunken laugh, "done" he said with a snap of his fingers.

Seconds later there was a yell echoed throughout the palace. "Get away from me you freak."

Kisame looked to Tobi and laughed.

"Kisame-san did he just find out the princess was a boy." Tobi asked.

"yea" Kisame said collapsing on a nearby couch.

Waving his hand, only to have nothing happen, "What the hell?"

Waving his hand again he still found the same result he couldn't get any of his sake to appear.

"Tobi be a good boy and get be some Sake." Kisame said upset.

Tobi ran and got it, Kisame grabbed it and tipped it, only to have nothing come out.

"Tobi it's empty." Kisame yelled throwing the bottle only to have the bottle smash and sake go everywhere.

"Looks full to Tobi." Tobi said looking at the puddles of sake.

Kisame glared at him.

* * *

The End……..because I can! 

Charmed: that ending took forever!

Shino: -nods-

Shino: Deidara is coming

Charmed: he looks mad

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: lets leave!

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: I think I may go to hell for this chapter.

Tobi: maybe!

THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS AND READERS! WE LOVE YOU ALL!

Question: Why isn't kisame listed on the character list anyone on WHY?!

Oh and we'll have another Christmas story up in a few days. it's taking a little longer than we expected!


	14. fan girl training?

**Fan-girl Training**

Charmed: -whines- Tessen

Tessen: what do you want, -nibbles on pocky-

Charmed: you have candy –shocked- Where

Tessen: -mouth full of pocky- all gone

Charmed: -pout-

Tessen: so what do you want?

Charmed: can't I just visit my best friend

Hikari: I thought I was your best friend

Charmed: of course you are Hikari, you the best friend 1, Tessen best friend A, sadly A comes before 1 –explained seriously not having any real clue what she talking about-

Hikari and Tessen: ……..

Tessen: what you want?

Charmed: ……. Can't remember now

Tessen: ……

Hikari: -giggles-

Tessen: -ignores Charmed- how are your chapters going?

Hikari: Amazing,

Tessen: yea mine are going slow too……

Hikari: -nods- damn writer's block

Charmed: I remember, it's come to my attention that I'm becoming a total fan girl……

Tessen: Do you even know what a fan girl is

Charmed: well duh… they are those girl that are all like happy, blush-y and stalker-ish and totally in love with someone who doesn't want to give them the time of the day. And they have a lot of glitter glitter moments…….

Hikari: -nods-

Tessen: glitter glitter moments……?

Charmed and Hikari: -nods-

Tessen: ……

Charmed: Hikari do you want to explain this

Hikari: sure Charmed –complete teacher serious voice- a glitter glitter moment, is that moment when the girl sees her –air quotes- true love and time freezes and cheesy music is sometimes heard, and there is a simmering around them giving a kind of glitter frame around their true love, this is usually followed by fainting.

Charmed: -nods- couldn't have said it better myself

Hikari: thanks

Tessen: what's the problem?

Charmed and Hikari: -shocked looks-

Charmed: I'm not a fan girl; I know not their ways….. I need training, to be fully knowledgeable in the art of fan girl.

Hikari: -nods-

Charmed: Me and Hikari figured we could make it a group thing, its bonding time.

Hikari: -smirks-

Tessen: so?

Hikari: well we don't know who to choose as our trainer,

Tessen: well how many fan girls do we have.

Charmed: technically three

Tessen: who?

Hikari: Ino, Sakura and Hinata

Tessen: Hinata??????

Charmed: well she's not full fledged fan-girl but she has the semi-stalker blush thing down so she's three-fourths of the way there, so we had to put her into the equation.

Hikari: but not the whole openly worshipping thing,

Charmed: tho…. It's obvious to almost everyone with half a brain……

Hikari: -nods-

Tessen: so that leaves Sakura and Ino

Charmed and Hikari: -nods-

Tessen: which one?

Charmed and Hikari: …. No clue..

Tessen: well who meets all of the makings of a fan-girl

Charmed and Hikari: SAKURA!!!!!!!!

The trio found, Sakura, swooning over Sasuke, (should have known)

Charmed: Sakura, we need help!

Sakura: obviously!

Charmed: -rolls eyes-

Hikari: We need you to train us.

Sakura: In what? –Looks at us suspiciously-

Sakura: In the art of fan girl

Sakura: I'm not a fan-girl

Charmed: Of course not –dripping with sarcasm-

Sakura: -Glares at charmed-

Tessen: Can you still train us, even if you are not a fan-girl you are the most qualified.

Charmed: -whispers to Hikari- that's because she's the fan-girl

Tessen: -glares at charmed –who doesn't notice-

Charmed: -continues to whisper to Hikari-

Tessen: -raises script-

Charmed: -falls forward holding her head- What the hell?!

Tessen: This was your idea, pay attention –hits Charmed again-

Charmed: What! Stop! –hides behind Hikari-

Tessen: Watch your mouth.

Charmed: Can't my nose is in the way –sticks out my tongue-

Hikari: -giggles- She's so gonna hit you again.

Charmed: That's why your gonna protect me, aren't you Hikari –hugs Hikari-

Hikari: -giggles-

Charmed: -pout- Glad to see my life ending is so funny to you

Hikari: yep

Charmed: You suck.

Hikari: That's a secret! –shhhh-

Tessen and Sakura: -blushes-

Charmed: I love you, I bow before the great pervert come back –hugs Hikari tightly- I would have said something like "yes but I swallow," but that works too. –Cheers-

Tessen and Sakura: -blushes deeper-

Tessen: Can we change the subject?

Charmed and Hikari: Why…..-sees the blushes- OH… -giggles- sorry

Charmed: Anyway will you help us; understand the art of the fan-girl.

Sakura: hmmm……..sure

Hikari and Charmed: YAY

Hikari: Come Tessen, we must learn –grabs Tessen with Charmed and follows Sakura-

They ended up, in room with the rest of the characters well most of the characters. Sakura sat and Charmed, Hikari and Tessen sat facing her.

Sakura: Do you have any specific questions that you want answered?

Charmed: -waves hand in the air- me me me pick me!

Tessen: -sighs-

Sakura: okay…. What

Charmed: -smiles happily while pulling out a rather large scroll- Me and Hikari did research on common fan girl habits that we'd like explained

Hikari: -nods-

Tessen: When did ya'll have time for that?

Charmed: hmmm….-taps lip in thought- When was it Hikari?

Hikari: When we played hooky from writing remember.

Charmed: Oh yeah Neji –starry eyes- came along and Shino covered for us

Hikari: Well you technically you carried Neji so…..-she let the comment hand in the air before continuing- and you begged Shino to, and then promised him junk food, when we got back.

Tessen: -sighs-

Sakura: -coughs-

Everyone: -ignores her-

Sakura: Hello, I'm still here

Hikari and Charmed: Hi

Tessen: Charmed just ask your questions

Charmed: okay! –looks over list- hehehe I can't read my own writing.

Everyone else: -sweat drop-

Charmed: why don't you ask some questions, Tessen.

Tessen: … okay…. Is being a fan girl expensive?

Charmed and Hikari: -listens intently-

Sakura: hmmm it can be, depends, on how affectionate you are, with gifts or food or whatever you do to try to get er…his attention.

Charmed: Spoken from experience –said aloud but mostly to Hikari-

Sakura: -glares-

Tessen: Does it take a lot of time?

Sakura: hmmm yes, you have to devote yourself to it, to winning his affection to proving you are the one for him.

Charmed: -cough Stalker cough-

Hikari: -giggles-

Tessen: Who did you learn from?

Sakura: hmmm Ino-pig I suppose

Tessen: -nods- Are there levels?

Sakura: Levels?

Charmed: Like level one annoying blush-y idiot

Hikari: Level two persistent pest

Charmed and Hikari: and LEVEL THREE OBSESSED STALKER!!!!!!!

Sakura: -seeing red- -looks to Charmed- Which level are you then?

Hikari and Tessen: -backs away-

Charmed: -glares- -deadly calm- No where near you're level I assure you. –Evil smile-

Sakura: -glares cracking knuckles- Really, I've never kidnapped someone and held them against their will, like you are doing Neji-San.

Hikari and Tessen: -gulp, paling slightly-

Charmed: -smiles a little too sweetly- you're right Sakura-san, I should take after you and chase after someone who can't stand me, and thinks I'm weak and annoying, and won't ever pay me any attention, because his an emo-idiot who would rather run off with a pedophile. –Still smiling sweetly-

Sakura: -mouth slightly agape-

Hikari: I have a question! Why does most fan girl hate each other?

Sakura: Because everyone is your competition, you want to prove that you're better than all the others, that you're the one that loves them the most, that's the most deserving of their love.

Charmed: Love is a battlefield, -giggles-

Hikari and Tessen: -nods-

Charmed: Gods that sounded cheesy!

Hikari and Tessen: -nods-

Tessen: I don't know why they can't all get along.

Charmed: yea they should all share.

Hikari: why don't you share Neji-kun?

Charmed: -looks at Hikari- -giggles- why?

Hikari: Well if other fan girls should have to share why not you.

Charmed: I'm not a fan girl!

Tessen: Then why are we here.

Charmed: To learn!

Hikari: Learn how to be fan-girls

Charmed: Yea….

Tessen: That you wanted to learn

Charmed: … You're point?

Sakura: Are you sure you're not the fan girl here?

Charmed: -looks to Sakura- I don't meet any of requirements.

Hikari: -looks thoughtful- That's true, but you meet all the fandom girl requirements.

Tessen and Sakura: Fandom girl?

Charmed: I do not……I'm not a Yaoi fan……

Hikari: Sure

Charmed: I'm not!

Hikari: Prove it

Charmed: okay!…..How?

Hikari: Simple, lets see if I can make you blush.

Charmed: -lol- Never!

Tessen: -talking to sakura- This isn't going to end well

Hikari: hmm lets see –taps chin in thought-

Charmed: -slightly nervous-

Hikari: Well of course it would have to be with Neji, but who else hmm….

Charmed: -bites lip-

Hikari: Maybe Deidara with his long blonde hair, you know those mouths on his hands would come in handy. Especially with those tongues…. Or even Itachi, (before the brain damage) pushing him against the wall and forcefully kissing him.

Charmed: -lying on the floor with a goofy grin on her face-

Hikari: I win! Charmed is a Fandom girl! Not to be confused with a fan girl.

Tessen: -sighs blushing slightly- How did you say that with a straight face?

Hikari: It's a secret! I'm just glad she collapsed when she did if not I would have! the mental images, were amazing. –Dazed look-

Tessen: Why do I hang out with you two?

Sakura: Can I leave?

Hikari: You're still here?

Sakura: -sweat drop-

Tessen: So much for training…….

-Fin-

Charmed: -happy dance- hell yea two omakes finished in one day! Go me!

OH yes if you don't know these omakes are in no particular order. Also our christmas extra special should be up next! -happy dance me and hikari wrote it! the rating will be high. beware lol

thanks to all our supporters without you this wouldn't be as fun! -hugs everyone-


	15. Sleeping Byakugan

AN: Am I the only one who thinks that it's ironic that we are using Hinata as sleeping beauty? I mean the Disney name is Aurora which means 'Dawn' and Hinata means 'Sunny place'. Oh, well. Anyway, I'm going with the original story more then the Disney movie but _this_ story will have a few of the movies elements. And I may have to uh... act as a director to get all the characters to cooperate. We will see how it goes.

On with it!

Naruto Action

-Naruto- Sound effect

"Naruto" Dialog

_Naruto _Narration

----------------------------------------------------

"Why is it so dark?"

"Hello?"

"Not again! I'm going to kill Shika -bam- Damn it!"

"Ino pig?"

"Fore-head? What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask you that."

"Wait. Ino and Sakura right?"

"Yes, who are you?"

"Tenten. Tessen! I thought I didn't have to be in any stories!"

"Were you in the last one she did, Ino?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah. I need to stick a kunai down her throat," said Ino.

"Why?"

_I had no control over that,_ said a disembodied voice.

"What the hell…"

_You know this is a fairy tale, you guys should stop __cussing._

"Get down here! I have to pay you back for making Shikamaru go after Tamari," yelled Ino.

_I didn't do that. I __direct where you go and who you are in the story; action is your own thing unless it gets off track of the story. Then I step in and hit you with a script. _

"I don't think this one is any safer to work with," mumbled Sakura.

"HEY!"

_Yes, Tenten?_

"Lights?"

_Oh, right. Forgot about that. We really need to get started. But it doesn't start with you three. So go off stage right._

-bam crash- "SHIT!"

_Other right; and stop __cussing!_

_-----------------------------------------------------------_

_Ahm…Once upon__ time there lived a King and a Queen…_

"I AM NOT DOING THIS!"

_Now what…_

"No way in hell." A blond and rather busty woman walked out in robes and an odd red hat, fallowed by a man with white hair and red markings on his face. "It's bad enough that you left me in the dark with the pervert; now you want me to be married to him!"

"Come on Tsunade," said the now labeled perverted man, "Think of the kids!"

-Crash-

…_Right. Need to repair that. Look, it's at most going to be for ten __minutes total, okay? Just go along with it so we can finish. The story is mainly going to center around Hinata anyway._

"Phe…Fine. Who is Hinata playing anyway?"

_The princess. Your __daughter._

"Right, right, Oka…WHAT!"

_She doesn't even look like __ether one of you so pretend you adopted or something, OKAY!?!? I want to get started._

"Fine. Do we need the pervert?"

…_No. I guess not. I'll start now._

_Once upon__ time there lived a …Queen (I'm not sure if the King is breathing at the moment) and she had just given birth to a baby girl._

A blue haired girl with white eyes was suddenly pushed out stage left. "Eep!"

_And…wait. She needs to be a baby for this…__ Bah. Hikari has the shrinking powder…_

"I-I really don't want to be a baby."

_-__huff- well…we can change this a little._

_The Queen had had a daughter and it was the daughter's sixteenth birthday. _

Hinata sighed a little at this. She had seen what the authors had done to Neji when they pulled out that powder; she did not want to be little after knowing how that went.

_Many important people and beings were invited to the party…that's you __dear…yes you…GET OUT HERE!_

"NO!"

_Don't make me get the other __authors!_

"Fine."

_Right, anyway, The first of the guests to __arrive was the princess's Husband to be……Prince Kiba._

From stage right came a boy with wild brown hair and red fang marks on his face. He was dressed in blue and red clothing from the middle ages with a cape.

The boy lifted the cape a little, "I feel like any idiot."

_You look very nice. Moving on…The next to __arrive were the princess's fairy god mothers: Sakura, Ino, and Tenten. _

"Why do we have wings? They don't even work." asked Sakura as she walked out in a pink dress.

Ino came after her in a purple one, "They are accessories, Sakura, and they don't have to be functional."

_That's two…_

"No."

_Go__od Gad. Please? I'll let you wear your regular clothing after this scene okay?_

"…fine." And out came Tenten in a green dress holding three thin sticks. "Here," she said handing two to Ino and Sakura, "We have to have these for some reason."

_Right…uh…where. Ah. Okay, __the three fairies each wanted to give their god daughter one gift what would help her in her life; the first fairy stepped up to present her gift._

Ino and Sakura looked at the other. "You first Fore-head, you read the script."

"Fine." Sakura walked over to Hinata and smiled. "Hi, Hinata! Happy Birthday."

The girl smiled. "This is very od-d. It's not my birthday."

"Don't worry about it. I think this whole thing is a nightmare that has to end at some point."

-Sweet drop- "Uh…right Sakura. What are you going to do?"

"Oh. Yeah. I give you the gift of… musical talent. What? What is she going to do with that? Is there singing in this story?"

_Not if I can help it._

"Then why musical talent."

_Back went this story was first __written it was thought that musical ability was important for young women._

"That's silly."

_Yeah well…just get going._

"My turn!" cried Ino. "I give you the gift of…Fore-head! What am I giving her?"

"Beauty!"

"Right. Beauty!" -Whack- "Have fun Hinata!"

_Hinata could not thank her frie…God Mother at the moment because she was trying to __get rid of the rather bad headache that she was suddenly stricken with. _

"Ino! Did you have to hit her?" asked Tenten as she walked up to Hinata too. "I guess I can't give her the gift of aspirin, could I?"

_Best not. But just as the third Fairy was about to wave her __wand and bestow her gift of wit an evil figure suddenly appeared in the middle of the room. You see the only one who was not invited to the party was the evil witch; Neji._

"I am not doing this," said Neji as he appeared in a black robe.

_-__not listening- Tthe witch was very angry at the party goers because he was not invited._

"First you turn me into a child. Then you tie me up, put bows in my hair, and force feed me cookies."

_You looked hungry. The evil witch came to the party for the sole __purpose of placing a curse on the young girl._

"Why would I want to do that?"

_Look. The sooner you place the curse the sooner you can leave and__ Tenten can get on with the story. We have a deal. I got you away from the others so that you could be the witch now get on with it!_

"Fine." He turned to Hinata. "Sorry."

Hinata shrugged, "D-Don't worry about it. I think all the stories end well."

"Hu…very well." He raised his hands above his head, "I place a curse upon you Lady Hinata. If you should ever prick your finger on a spinning needle you will fall down dead! Kukuku!" His hands fell back to his side. "Good enough?"

_Fine. Now exit and take Kiba with you. He's kind of useless right now._

"Hey!"

_You come back__. And with a flick of his hand the evil witch was gone! Everyone at the party was in distress. How would anyone protect the princess?_

"Could the prince protect her? You just sent the hero out with the evil witch."

_That's not the point. The third Fairy God Mother __decided to make her gift a loop-hole. _

"I do? Alright. I…put an expiration date on the curse. It will not last past your sixteenth birthday! That's today. Ha! Curse lifted." Tenten turned to go off stage.

_That's…rather cleaver. Wait. No, __someone give her a script. You have to keep the story going._

"That's a waste of time! The story will end much faster if the curse was lifted right after it was placed."

_Just say it!_

"Uhg. Sorry Hinata. I make my gift a promise that if you should ever prick your finger you will not die but will only be asleep and that a prince's kiss will wake you."

"Thank you Tenten."

"You're welcome. NOW! Exit stage left." And off she went with Ino and Sakura behind.

_At any rate, The Kin…Queen was very worried for her __daughter's safety and thus made it law that all spinning needles are to be banned from her kingdom._

Hinata looked at Tsunade, "That's a lot of trouble."

"True." Tsunade had sat down behind a desk that was in the room (_Where did the desk come from?)_ "Do I need to say anything?"

_No. But this was not __enough for the Queen's peace of mind; so she sent the girl to live with her Fairy God Mothers until something could be done about the curse. A year past with the girl living with the Fairies in the woods on the edge of the kingdom... WILL SOMEONE PLEASE CHANGE THE BLOOD SET! I had problems with this last time…_

_-----------------------------------------------------------_

-Forest scene…and supposedly a year later-

---------------------------------------------------------

"Wait," questioned Sakura, "Now we have to plan a seventeenth birthday party?"

"Evidently. This is silly though," said Tenten, "the streamers from the last party are still here."

Ino walked on to the scene with a cake. "Let's just get this…Why are you in your normal cloths, Tenten? Didn't you like your dress?"

-Glare-

"Right. I never said anything. For-head! Why is that dress pink?"

_The Fairies were getting the party ready and had wanted to do everything with out magic to make it more __meaningful._

"Really we didn't use magic last time. They were just glitter-fide sticks and Ino almost gave Hinata a concussion with hers."

_Not helping Tenten. Anyway, the fairies had sent the princess out to gather __flowers for her big birthday bash. _

-Hinata is once again suddenly shoved out on to the set-

-yikes!- "I though I didn't have to do anything else."

_Sorry. Anyway, the evil witch (who had known__ all along were the princess was hiding) was in the old wood cutters cottage planning the demise of the girl._

"Why do I have to do this again?"

_Charmed__ just called me and asked where you are. Want me to tell her?_

"Right. I now have motivation." Neji turned to the spinning wheel. "Now when the princess comes to see the strange object she will prick her finger and DIE! BUHAHAHA!"

_That's…a little scary. Okay, anyhow, the princess was just coming around the bend of the road when she saw the little __cottage._

"Um...Uh…I don't know what to say."

_You__ have a script, right?_

"I never got to read mine," said Hinata nervously, "every time I try to look at it someone pushes me on to the stage."

…_The one person who WANTS to read the script…Okay well just walk to the cottage…that a girl…Right, the princess was thinking about her upcoming wedding to prince Kiba _-BANG- _The hell…_

Neji chose this time to look out the door. "She fainted?"

…_evidently …Dag-Nap-it. Okay, I can work with this...Oh no! The evil witch has stuck the princess with a needle while I wasn't watching._

"I did no such thing."

_I have hair bows buddy._

"Right, I made the princess 'fall asleep'. Now what?"

_-__sigh- The witch, now satisfied with her…__**his**__ revenge, disappeared into the mountains; never to be heard from again._

Neji blinked, "I can leave?"

_Yep._

"Just like that?"

_Yes._

Neji turned and managed to walk off the stage before a voice yelled: "Here he is Charmed!" A slight scream and a ratter creative curse to fate were heard before the narrator cleared her throat.

_-__cough- Right, any who, Now the princess laid in the forest floor because the narrator forgot to make a bed and is too lazy to try to get the fairies to cooperate. What ever will happen to the princess? That's your cue…Hurry up!_

"I'm coming; I'm coming, sheesh." Out came Kiba on a rather large white dog with brown ears and a man dressed from head to foot in a long coat and sunglasses.

Pre-mentioned man pushed his glasses up, "I don't see why I have to be here."

"I want moral support; these chicks are scary!"

_Excuse__ me?_

"Uh…Never mind?"

…_fine. I just want this story over with now. The prince seeing his beloved rushed to her side…hurry up damn-it! There. And was __quietly bemoaning her fate for he thought she was dead not merely asleep. _

"I can see her breathing…"

_-__encoring Kiba- He leaned down to give his dearly loved one last kiss farewell…_

"Excuse me?"

_-__glare-_

Shino looked over, "What's the problem?"

"I have to kiss our teammate does that not bother you?"

"…"

"SEE! It bothers you!"

"Kiba, whether it bothers me or not, which it doesn't, you still don't have the nerve to do it."

Kiba straitened up rather quickly, "Are you calling me a chicken?"

"…"

"You are bug brain! Do you think you can do better?"

"Can you come up with anything better than bug brain?"

Unbeknown to both bickering boys Akamaru, the trusty hound of the group (and possible mascot), had walked over to Hinata's prone form and was sniffing at her face.

-whine- -sniff- -LICK-

"AHK! …Akamaru?"

-Woof!-

"And another thing! Your coat sucks, you don't even need to dumb glasses, and…Hinata?"

Hinata blinked, "Are you two arguing again? Kurenai-sensei asked you not to…"

Shino looked over at her, "We are having a discussion on which the issue is of great importance to us both but is now not an issue anymore. Are you okay?"

-nod- "Yes. Can we leave now?"

_-__sigh- Yeah. I guess. The ending is kind of knocked out of whack anyway. I mean now if you go by the story Hinata would have to marry Aka…(thinks: I better not mention that). Okay, yeah. The ending…_

Kiba offered his hand to Hinata and Shino helped her up on to Akamaru's back; sliding behind her. Kiba also climbed up in front of her.

_The prince __and the…attendant…lead the princess away from the forest and they lived happily ever after._

_This is of course after they __stopped the fairies from fighting about some small detail about a dress that wasn't even finished._

----------------------------

That's it! This is actual the first chapter I wrote for this story; and I think my best. –smile-

Anyway! A slight change in when we will be updating and such:

1. We will now be adding new chapters (stories and/or Omakes) every Saturday (hopefully).

2. We do have another Christmas special; it may or may not be posted. Not sure as of right now.

3. School is just starting back for Hikari and myself (we are going to die) so things may become sporadic.

4. If you are really desperate for updates, I suggest that you go check out the favorites on our author's page; the stories on there are written by Charmed or Hikari (I haven't written anything on my own yet).


	16. Character Concerns

**Character Concerns**

'We care……NOT!"

-Actions-

(Thoughts)

Talking

AN: (charmed speaking) if you haven't noticed the omakes, in between chapters, are in no real order, this one is suppose to happen toward the beginning of the story, but was placed here. okay glad I cleared that up.

* * *

-knock knock-

GO AWAY!

-knock knock-

-Loud sigh-

Come in!

Charmed: What do you ….-turns to face the person-

….Shino?!

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: -looks confused- what?

Shino: -hands over a moderately size pile of papers-

Charmed: What's this -Scans the first, pages-…..A wish list???

Shino: The others have a few concerns and issues they want met, while they are here.

Charmed: They took the time to write it down.

Shino: Tessen-San, demanded everything be submitted in writing.

Charmed: …eh okay, what's that got to do with me?

Shino: Tessen-San, stated that you could take care of the issues since you weren't busy and most likely sleeping or fooling around.

Charmed: -slight blush- Okay, let's see….. –Sits down and goes through the pile of 'issues and concerns'-

Shino: -leans against the wall-

Charmed: -looks up- Why are you still here?

Shino: -stares-

Charmed: -stares back-

Shino: Tessen-San…..

Charmed: -interrupts- Sid she tell you to baby-sit me

Shino: …..

Charmed: Okay let's see first up! EMO-BOY, he doesn't want to be put with any annoying……. 'girls'. –evil laugh- LOOPHOLE okay done, Sasuke will not be put with any annoying 'girls'.

Shino….. Wants not to be involve too much…… Done! Shino you are now my Assistant!

Next…….the alcoholics want to know where the Sake is…….. Someone needs AA……. Done, Shino take note, Order lots of Sake…….

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: Okay next…… Gaara wants to know when he can leave……. –throws letter away-

Kankuro thinks this is stupid…….-evil smirk- he'll regret saying that…..NEXT….

Tenten……these things have no real logical order…… anyway thinks the costumes/stories are impractical and stupid……DUH!

Temari's letter is too long –throws away-

Kakashi wants his book……..Jiraiya wants to know where the ladies are…..Pervert……Next

Naruto wants Ramen…..should have known…..Shino take note…..Order lots of Ramen….LOTS of RAMEN!

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: Kiba doesn't want to wear any stupid outfits…… too late…….

Sakura wants to be put with Sasuke…..too bad….. and doesn't want Ino pig to be put with Sasuke…..DONE!

Shino you better be taking notes…….

Ino wants the same, as Sakura but reversed…… Same answer……..

Orochimaru wants his prize……-shivers-… creepy…. Send an IOU….

Kabuto wants to leave……too bad

Shino you taking notes……

Shino: -Nods-

Charmed: Haku wants to know why he's here……..like he has anything better to do…….he's dead for crying out loud.

Neji….. has a lot of issues……hmmm doesn't matter –throws away-

Where is Neji? OH YEAH….. Tessen is using him……hmmmmm

NEXT

Gai wants Kakashi…..that's sounds dirty…. –giggles- Lee wants Sakura……. Poor boy….

Choji wants to know when lunch is……-tummy growls- me too….. SHINO! Order lunch!

Okay next…….. Akatsuki wants to see me…-looks scared-… Shino take note….. Akatsuki's letter was lost in translation……..

Okay that's them all….. Shino, What have we accomplished…..?

Shino: we have ordered SAKE, RAMEN and Lunch, disregarded most of everyone's issues or complains and ….. 'lost' the Akatsuki's letter of concerns.

Charmed: Good Job! I knew I hired you for a reason! Now lets go get Neji and have lunch!

(FIN……)

Charmed: This is the shortest chapter yet! Go me! wait we are suppose have put up another christmas special. HIKARI!

Hikari: what?

Charmed: Are you done with your part of the christmas special yet?

Hikari: what special?

Charmed: you haven't been working on it!

Hikari: -innocent smile-

Charmed: I'm telling Tessen!

Hikari: -trips Charmed-

Charmed: -falls- EVIL!


	17. Chucky or pinocchio

Pinocchio 

AKA CHUCKY

(Author thoughts)

-Actions-

"Talking"

Charmed: Buggy-Kun, I need your help, this is very important, requires your complete focus. I need you to distract, Tessen, for this whole chapter.

Shino: ……

Charmed: it's important, for the chapter, I can't have her showing up or knowing about it until it's too late to stop it; do I have your cooperation?

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: Awesome you rock –hugs-

Shino: -ahem-

Charmed: -nervous laugh- I forgot.

Shino: what's the plan?

Charmed: …OH! Yea! It's –whispers to Shino- Understand.

Shino: -nods- -leaves-

Charmed: Okay! Casting Call for Pinocchio! Please Form a straight Line!

WAIT! –Pulls out cell phone- Is everything is place? Good!

Alright, everyone got a copy of the script, I assume,

-Everyone holds up script-

Charmed: good! Now please destroy and or throw it away.

Okay this chapter will be done in a true spontaneous fashion; also I had to cut a lot out of the original, crap I mean story, for the betterment of the chapter. I'm sure you all will be much happier with this version. Okay make a line!

-Everyone made a line-

Charmed: Okay, first we have Kankuro; you will be playing the main character the puppet who dreams of being a real boy. –Said with complete cheesy sappy voice-

Next!

GAI! You get a small role sadly you'll be off the stage before any real action starts, but you get an important role that only you could play.

Gai: ah what role has the great beautiful green beast of Konoha received?

Charmed: you are the creator and father-figure to the main character Pinocchio or in this case Kankuro.

Gai: I will do an amazing job, if not I'll do three hundred laps around Konoha on my hands

Charmed: in a bunny suit

Gai???

Charmed: -teary eyes- Gai if this chapter isn't great, how will I ever be able to face everyone, it'll be so shameful. –tears-

Gai: DON'T WORRY YOUTHFUL BLOSSOM, EVERYTHING WILL BE AN EXPLOSION OF YOUTH AND TALENT, I GAI WILL SEE TO IT,

Charmed: really Gai??!

Gai: -nods- -nice guy pose- I must prepare myself –runs off-

Charmed: -happy face- next! Sasori –starry eyes- you get to play the evil puppet master who is after Kankuro (i.e. Pinocchio)

Tobi –big smile- you get to play one of the bad guys. Who comes and takes Kankuro to the puppet master.

Deidara, -starry eyes- you also get to play one of the bad guys. Who comes and takes Kankuro. -Wink-

Next!

Jiraiya you get play the –grumbles- fairy… -slightly louder- Person who makes Kankuro dreams come true after a slight probation period.

Jiraiya: -pervert smirk from the wording-

Charmed: (who am I, destroy his pervert hopes) next! Oh yes –checks notes- Shino can't do his part…… who will replace him……….

KAKASHI! I need your help!

Kakashi: Yo.

Charmed: I need you to fill in for Shino, here you are playing Kankuro conscience basically a Chibi that shows up on his shoulder, telling him right from wrong that he never listens too but should. Small role I swear.

Kakashi: hmm sure. –Pulls out famous orange book-

Charmed: awesome!

Voice far way: AHHHHHHHHH TESSEN SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!

Charmed: -sighs- -mumbles to self- sorry, Hikari but it's for the betterment of the CHAPTER!

There once lived a man, who deeply wished to have children, sadly he never had any, to fill the gap in his heart; so he made puppets who he loved like his own children (slightly creepy).

After one night and months of work he complete his latest creation, it was a small boy puppet with dark hair and eyes, complete with deep purple face paint for added vanity. One must look good as a puppet. He named this puppet, Kankuro, (i.e. Pinocchio, i.e. I refuse to write that name over and over). He loved Kankuro more than all the other puppets, (AH -evil- FAVORITISM).

"You must be the most youthful, wonderful creation ever." Puppet maker squealed, nearly crushing the puppet in a hug.

Later that night when the puppet master had been gone to sleep, his shop was visited. (No it's not burglars …sadly)

A blue light shown brightly then faded to reveal, a blonde…er white haired Chibi (Had too!) with white shimmering butterfly like wings in a powder blue outfit complete with tiara (it matches) The chibi-fairy looked around.

"This has to be one of the creepiest places I've ever been," he said with a shudder looking at all the wooden faces.

"Okay where this kid." The fairy said, wanting to leave the creepy place. "Ah there he is, what he supposes to be a transitive puppet...humph… to each their own"

"Okay, oh yea" the fairy went through a series of hand signals then poked the puppet in the forehead. In response, the puppet blinked (creepy ahhhhh CHUCKY)

"It worked" said the fairy in wonder.

"Hey kid, can you hear me?"

"Yes" spoke the puppet, whose breath smelled of pine. (lol)

"Wait how to do you know how to talk?" said the fairy backing away from the now live puppet. (My question exactly)

"Hooked on phonics"

"Really?!" "hm, who would have thought."

"Well I'm your fairy godfather; I'm here to make your dreams come true."

"Which is?"

"Cocky for a puppet aren't you, to be a real boy of course."

"That isn't my dream."

"Then it's his," the fairy stated pointing back to the room where the puppet maker was sleeping. "Either way, it's going happen, that's why I'm here."

"Fine, make me a real boy."

"Can't, you have to go through a probation-al period. To prove you have all the right qualities to be a real boy." Fairy explained.

"Why?"

"Rules, plus I have to have my wand to do that, and I threw that stupid girly thing out years ago, not masculine enough plus it's pink and completely clashes with my outfit,…. so I have to find it before I can do that."

"How do I prove myself?"

"Oh that's easy, -pulls out list- this says you have prove that you are brave, truthful, and unselfish. How stupid, so basically get in touch with your inner bitch I mean woman." (LOL, I love that line)

"How do I know, what's right" (how does anyone)

"That I can help you with, -does a few more hand signals- -poof- meet your conscience, Kakashi."

"I thought your conscience was a voice in your head."

"You have a voice in your head, are you psychotic, don't listen to the voices you have so much to live for… and I put so much work into this."

"No, a conscience isn't that a voice in your head."

"hm, maybe but who listens to that voice, if you did you'd never have fun." the fairy said with a perverted smirk.

"Anyway Kakashi keep, an eye on him"

Morning came all too quickly, with it came drama.

"Morning Kankuro."

"Morning Papa."

Time froze, the puppet maker looked to his puppet and the puppet looked back, then started running toward him arms open wide.

The puppet marker did what any normal man would do when faced with a doll running at him full force. He ran screaming like a little girl, yelling about possessed dolls. The village found this to be needed relief from the normal yells of youth and springtime.

Back at the springtime of youth puppet shop, the puppet and his conscience were talking.

"I told you, it was too much." Kakashi stated in a bored tone.

"But this is what he wanted." Kankuro stated confused.

"Yea you're right who wouldn't want a crazed now-alive doll running at them before they've even had their coffee."

"I guess you're right, do you think he'll come back." Kankuro sighed out.

"I wouldn't, but he is a bit odd."

-Intermission-

Charmed:-talks into walkie talkie- come in Shino

Shino: ha

Charmed: How goes plan?

Shino: plan is going smoothly Hikari is keeping Tessen busy.

Charmed: good! Have you been noticed?

Shino: no, they are too distracted to notice me.

Charmed: good!

-With Shino-

Shino had left Charmed to look for Hikari, luck was on his side, and he found both Hikari and Tessen alone; Tessen was the other side of the room going over notes, while Hikari seemed to be drawing something, while giggling to herself.

Time to put the plan in action.

Hikari was lying on her stomach in the floor drawing away, debating on what color this character's hair should be, and so far she had narrowed it down between red and blue. Trying to decide if this character's personality would fit red or blue hair but at the same time trying to decided whether or not red would over power or if blue would clash with everything. Finally deciding that those to colors are too over-used especially in fan art, she picked the more sensible color lavender which would perfectly with the golden eyes the character already had.

Reaching for the lavender pencil, she felt sometime hairy, thinking nothing of it she continued to feel for the pencil, she then felt something crawl up her arm. Hikari froze looking to her arm in complete horror, to see a hairy enormous SPIDER; she jerked her arm screaming quickly jumping up and running to Tessen.

Tessen was sitting in the floor, surrounded by piles of papers, going over all of her notes, humming the latest song that had infected her mind, with its tune. She noticed that everything was going as planned, only a few more chapters and then it was done. She noted that they needed to have another meeting to discuss; order and future chapters maybe even the possibility of a sequel. Putting out her calendar she looked at all the upcoming events, in our busy lives well hers and Hikari, Charmed has no life. (It's true! –Sobs-) Looking at the calendar she was an opening, two weeks from this Saturday, she put a question mark on the date, only to be brought out of her musing by a scream of seemly torture and be tackled to the ground my Hikari. "AHHHHH TESSEN SAVE ME!" was the call that followed.

Tessen looked at the fearful, Hikari, who was pointing in the direction of her art supplies, "What….Oh" Tessen asked only to see the spider, "that's really big spider."

"Big that's thing is a monster." Hikari tearfully screamed.

"Yes, I know, I'll get rid of it Hikari." Tessen said calmingly moving toward the spider leaving, Hikari in the corner.

As Tessen got close to the spider, she reached to scoop up the …. It jumped at her, not one to jump to conclusion she reached for it again, only to have it jump at her again. She back up only to have it follow her, leaping closer and closer each time she moved. She ran back to Hikari only to have them both backed into the corner. "Okay Hikari at the count of three we'll both run right, okay." Tessen ordered earning a nod from Hikari.

"Okay One….Tw…..

And Hikari was gone, running full speed to the right. Tessen just stared after her, only to run after her, leaping spider at her heels.

Both ran while screaming one for help and the other for Hikari to slow down.

-End of intermission-

A week had passed and the puppet master had still not returned.

"Did I forget to mention there is a time limit to this probation, you have three weeks to prove you have the qualities to be a real boy?" Kakashi asked lamely, from his perch on Kankuro's shoulder. "Well now two weeks."

"Thanks for the update." Kankuro stated.

Kakashi opened his mouth to comment, only to be interrupted by, a ringing, of the door.

"Tobi told you this was the place, senpai."

"Whatever yeah, where's the puppet maker…un"

"Tobi doesn't know."

"Maybe you should go with them," said Kakashi

"Why?" Kankuro questioned.

"They know the puppet maker, plus we have nothing better to do." Kakashi reasoned.

-Days later-

Kankuro is crammed in a box with no light and very little air (good thing he's a puppet); trying to think to how he ended up in this particular predicament. It all a blur honestly, he remembered walking up to the two men, and then the rest isn't so clear.

"I told you, not to talk to strangers." Kakashi commented somewhere from the darkness of the box.

"You told me to go with them." Kankuro snapped back.

"Well yes but the day before I told you not to talk to strangers, so essentially it was your choice and you failed." Kakashi reasoned.

"How was I supposed to know you wanted me to make a decision based on …..? How was I supposed to know my decision would lead to this?" Kankuro attempted to make sense of what Kakashi was telling him, but more auguring himself than anything else.

"All decisions you have made so far have put you here, you need to think more before acting, and the good news is you are acting like a real boy, completely reckless and stupid to his actions." Kakashi stated with a sigh.

Kankuro just stare into the darkness of the box in the general direction of Kakashi's voice.

"Asshole" Kankuro grumbled, only to have the box he was in, hit the ground and roll causing him to be tossed around and hit his wooden head hard on the box.

"Ouch"

"You almost hit me" retorted Kakashi from the darkness of the box.

"Tobi you idiot, be careful. Sasori-danna will kill me if this thing is damaged." A voice outside the box, yelled.

"Sorry senpai,"

"Quit calling me that...un."

"Sorry senpai"

-Whack- "Senpai you hurt Tobi."

-Whack- -whines- ouch! –Pout-

"Shut up…yeah!"

Kankuro felt the box be lifted and carried, he felt kind of motion sick, it wasn't the smoothest the box kept hitting the man's legs causing Kankuro's head to hit the box again repeatedly. If he wasn't made of wood he was sure he'd have a concussion. Finally getting tired of his head being hammered into the box he braced himself against the other side with his feet.

He felt rather proud of himself, for finding a way to stop the abuse of his head. Then he noticed that he wasn't moving anymore, he was filled with a sense of dread. He hit the top of the box then hit the bottom of the box only to have his head thrown back to hit the side of the box all in the a few seconds.

He was still a bit dazed when he heard the yelling outside the box.

"You dumbass what did I tell you...un."

"Senpai?"

"-whack- you dumbass…un"

"Deidara, you're late." "I told you not to make me wait."

"It's Tobi's fault, Tobi, got lost, but Tobi found the shop, Tobi good boy." Tobi ranted happily.

"What have you brought me?" Sasori questioned, well more demanded.

"Danna, we brought you the only worth while in that whole shop." Deidara said as he opened the box pulling Kankuro out, by the neck.

Sasori looked displeased, "you kept me waiting for a transvestite puppet; I have many puppets."

"Yes danna but this one is alive, yeah." Deidara reasoned.

"Yep," Tobi chanted as he left the room seemly bored.

Sasori didn't look convinced, Kankuro just started on, not doing anything.

"It's true danna...yeah" Deidara threw the puppet on the floor.

Earning a, "Hey asshole," From Kankuro

"So it talks, not exactly perfect art." Sasori said eyeing the face paint on the puppet distastefully.

"That's not art." Deidara grumbled, not expecting Sasori to hear him but at the same time not caring.

"And I suppose you think your petty explosions are art." Sasori responded looking to Deidara silently daring him to speak.

"Art is fleeting, quick and explosive." Deidara stated bluntly.

"No, Art is eternal, true beauty and art lasts, it can't be destroyed." Sasori retorted.

"That's bullshit." Deidara shouted.

"You're a fool and too young to understand true art." Sasori calmly stated with a harsh tone.

"I'll show your real art, yeah" Deidara sneered getting his clay out.

A large chunk of clay was thrown………-huge explosion-

(Tobi: pretty!)

And Deidara and Sasori where no more.

-Poof- a blue fairy appeared. "What happened here?" Jiraiya spoke looking at the mass damage and mess of clay.

"…..art" Kakashi stated appearing on Jiraiya's shoulder.

"Art?" Jiraiya asked confused.

"It's a bang" Kakashi lamely retorted, flipping pages

THE END! (continue reading below) –wink-

Charmed: -walks back in the room- what'd I miss???

Tobi: The explosive ending!

Charmed: you finished it –pout- that's my job

Tobi: -hugs- it's done

Charmed: okay! What happened to the other characters?

Tobi:??

Charmed: Kankuro…..Jiraiya…..Kakashi….

Tobi: ………they lived hap…..

Charmed: STOP! DON'T SAY THAT! I'll end it!

Charmed: Kankuro, became a real boy but is in intensive consulting, Kakashi and Jiraiya continue to make little boys dreams come true, through their porn….

-Kakashi and Jiraiya glares at her-

….. graphic novel industry.

CHARMED!

Charmed: -pales turns slightly to see advancing Hikari and Tessen-

HEY GIRLS! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

Hikari: -eerie calm- Tessen, Charmed wants to know where we've been….

Tessen: ………

Hikari: I know, lets ask the hostage……

Charmed: hostage?

Hikari: -pulls rope from behind her back- -reveals- a tied up chibi shino

Charmed: aww how cute, can I keep him

Hikari: -glares- Tessen! Second hostage!

Tessen: -holding Neji-

Charmed: -pales- This isn't looking good

Hikari: We just finished killing a spider that was chasing us for the last two hours.

Charmed: it's been that long…..

Shino: -nods-

Hikari: and guess who we found close by……

Charmed: who?

Tessen: Shino

Shino: -nods-

Charmed: How'd Neji get dragged into this, he was taking a nap.

Hikari: He's insurance

Tessen and charmed: Insurance?

Hikari: Yes to insure we get revenge for the spider.

Charmed: What makes you think I had anything to do with it?

Hikari: Shino told on you.

Charmed: LIES! Shino would never tell, on me.

Hikari: Tessen plan B.

Charmed: Plan B?

Hikari: YES PLAN B TESSEN SCISSORS!

Tessen: -hands over scissors-

Charmed: What are those for?

Hikari: -puts down Shino- We though Neji-kun needed a trim –walks toward Neji who was being held by Tessen-

Charmed: -looks faint- WHAT! NO!

Hikari: -grabs a strand of Neji's hair lifting the scissors-

Charmed: Shino escape plan C

Shino: -nods- -throws smoke bomb-

Tessen and Hikari: -cough cough-

MINUTES LATER

The smoke clears. Tessen and Hikari look around. Then look down at their captive.

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy!

Hikari: CHARMED GET BACK HERE!

Tessen: -sighs-

-far way from Tessen and Hikari on a forgotten set-

Charmed: -sits hugging Shino and Neji who are still chibi- Shino you should stay this way, it'd be awesome

Shino: ……. Why are we here

Charmed: because it's safe

Neji: -scowls- where are we?

Charmed: The sand castle, from beauty and the great green beast, Gaara-kun said I could keep it.

-fin-

THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED/READS/FAVORITED! We are almost done then we are suppose to start a Sequel, but that'll probably be in the work in March, so look for it late April I'd think. But Tessen is the only one who really knows.


	18. before the bows

Before the Bows

AKA

operation Kidnap

Tessen: Supply check

Flashlight……..

Charmed: MAUUAHHH –holds flashlight under her chin making evil face-

Tessen: quit fooling around

Charmed: -pout- -grumbles- you're not fun

Hikari: -giggles-

Tessen: - ignores charmed- Chibi powder

Hikari: check –holds up pouch-

Tessen: ropes …… check Okay that's every……

Charmed: Ribbons, hair bows and Cookies

Hikari: check check and check

Charmed: SCORE!

"I don't think this is a good idea, you do realize kidnapping is illegal." Tessen reasoned, following both Charmed and Hikari down the street.

"It's not kidnapping its borrowing; we'll give them all back, when we're done." Hikari explained, with a big knowing smile.

"All of them, couldn't I keep this one" Charmed questioned hopefully.

"No, we have to give them back" Stated Tessen in her 'don't argue with me' tone

"But but but," pleaded Charmed with puppy eyes.

"No, and you know that doesn't work on me." Tessen stated, continuing to walk down the street.

Charmed's head falls in a depressed matter, "I know, it was worth a shot though." Charmed cheered, Hikari nodded her agreement, it was worth a shot.

"Okay what's the plan" asked Tessen stopping in front of the large compound.

"…….plan?" Hikari and Charmed looked at each other in apparent confusion.

Tessen sighs loudly, her head falling in aggravation.

"I got it! We'll just go in there and take him." Chanted Charmed happily, Hikari smiled.

"That won't work," Tessen injected stopping Charmed's happy dance mid-step.

"Why not" pouted Charmed.

"It's a compound full of ninjas." Tessen explained talking like she would to a child, causing Hikari to pout.

"We'll just distract them and sneak in and get him." Hikari explained, totally ignoring the fact Tessen pointed out.

"Yea," Charmed, nods excitedly hanging on to Hikari every word.

"while we're at it, why don't we dig a mote around the compound, fill it with water then cover it back up and when they come out to investigate the distraction they step down and fall into the mote and then we can run in and kidnap him, in the event that he's the only one that doesn't run out to investigate." Tessen said voice dripping in sarcasm that fell on deaf ears.

Hikari and Charmed stared at her, in complete awe.

"What would the distraction be?" Question both Hikari and Charmed aloud to each other staring intently at each other thinking of a solution.

"Fire!" "Fireworks!" they shouted simultaneously, only to end up glaring at each other.

"Why fireworks how's that going to distract them?" argued Charmed.

"It's better than killing everyone, in a fire." Shouted back Hikari sticking her tongue out at Charmed who then returned the gesture.

"How do we get in?' injected Tessen.

"We scale the wall, in total spy mode." Charmed cheered loudly earning herself a hit from Hikari, "hush you'll wake everyone up." Hikari hissed.

Charmed pouts, Tessen just watches the childishness.

"You couldn't climb the wall anyway," said Hikari.

"I could to"

"Could not"

"Could too"

"Prove it"

"Cou……heh"

"Prove it scale the wall."

Charmed looks at the wall then back to Hikari, "okay I can do this" hands Tessen the flashlight.

Charmed reaches for the wall, then stops, "hmm"

"What's wrong" taunted Hikari

"I need theme music"

"Theme music?" asked Tessen

"Of course all great spy moves get theme music."

Hikari nods her head in agreement; Charmed takes a deep breath, then grabs the wall, and nods to Hikari who begins to hum the mission impossible theme song.

Tessen just looks on, shaking her head.

"What are you doing here" emotionless voice laced in exhaustion.

"Ahhhhh" Tessen screams, Hikari turns around shocked as Charmed falls from the wall into a bush, all in the same second.

Tessen jumps and shines the flashlight in the face of the person, momentary blinding him; Hikari throws her Chibi powder at him.

-POOF GLITTERY SMOKE CLOUD-

"Pretty" Hikari and Charmed, who finally had pulled herself out of the bush she fell in, said at the same time.

As the smoke clears, they see a Chibi Neji sleeping.

"At least it was the right person." Tessen injects, Hikari nods her agreement.

Charmed squeals like a fan girl, scooping up Chibi Neji clutching him rambling all sorts of lovely nonsense.

"It's gonna be hard to get him away from her to return him at the end of all this." reasoned Tessen watching Charmed.

"I'm sure, you'll think of something" said Hikari.

"Yea……WHAT!" "WHY ME"

"You're the oldest and most mature and she'll listen to you." Coaxed Hikari smirking.

"Yea right, good try."

"Yea, I pushed it at the end."

"Yep."

"Look guys, isn't he adorable," Charmed cheered holding up Chibi Neji, whose long chocolate hair was now decorated in braids and blue ribbons.

Hikari and Tessen just stared on unable to form a thought.

Hikari: -coos- he's so cute but I think you should have used the red ribbons.

Charmed: -looks thoughtful- no, the blue complements his eyes and really goes well with his hair, red would over power.

Hikari: good point –smiles brightly-

Tessen: ……………..


	19. The Three Little Ninja

**Hikari**: Yay! It's time for a new story, and I bet you can't guess which one it is this time!

**Naruto**: The Little Mermaid!!

**Hikari**: BUZZ!! Wrong! … I didn't finish that one in time, so taking its place is this one! The Three Little Pigs!! Yay!!

**Naruto**: What about the other story?

**Hikari**: … Still working on it … -coughs-

**Naruto**: Three Little pigs, huh? … Wait … pigs? Is Ino in this one?

**Ino**: -Appears from seemingly nowhere and slams a well located fist into the back of Naruto's skull before storming off-

**Hikari**: -snickers- Nope. –Hands Naruto a bag of ice for his fresh head wound- But that is a very amusing idea …

**Shikamaru**: -glanced over the script- You're not actually going to turn us into pigs are you?

**Hikari**: Sadly no. I don't have that kind of power, but I _can_ make you chibis again!

**Shikamaru**: No thanks …

**Hikari**: Whatever, it's your loss. –claps hands- Okay! That's enough chit-chat! Let's start this thing!

**Disclaimer**: The Characters and Story used in this chapter – sadly – do not belong to us. Remember we're just borrowing (not stealing) the characters for a short while. That means they well be returned after we have our fun humiliating them. X3

* * *

**The Three Little Ninja**

* * *

In the Land of Fire there was once a powerful – and sometimes drunk – Hokage who watched and cared for a small village hidden within the leaves. She loved and cherished all of her people – except for a certain silver-haired novelist – and made absolute sure that all of their demands were met … as soon as they filled out the proper paperwork.

Usually, on good days when the Hokage was thoroughly trashed, she was in a pleasant mood, but today was not one of those days. No, today was the day after one of those blissful days. It was a day of pain and misery brought on by "illness;" code name for hangover. Today was not a day to get on the Hokage's bad side, and, unfortunately, three ninja did just that.

"You wanted to see us, Tsunade-sama?" A boy full of jubilance and youth questioned.

The woman lifted her head off the desk and glared at the three males standing before her. Had she not been the Hokage, her glares of death would have been dispelled by the tiny scrap of paper stuck to the woman's forehead, but she was the Hokage and any amused smirks or giggles were quickly stifled.

"Shikamaru. Lee. Gaara. I'm very disappointed in all of you …" Tsunade spoke as she attempted to look professional in her _ill_ state, "Every single one of you has slacked off in your recent missions. I'm afraid that if this decline in performance continues then it will eventually threaten the lives of your teammates and yourselves."

"With all due respect, Hokage, I'm not a member of your village," Gaara bluntly stated.

"What?!" Tsunade shouted as she slammed her fists into the table, nearly breaking it in half, "You dare come all the way here to tell me you're turning your back on the Hidden Leaf Village?! Why can't you just be a pansy-ass like Sasuke and run away?!" (Somewhere off set, Sasuke furiously stormed off to go sulk in a dark corner.)

All three ninja stared at the Hokage in disbelief. Her_ illness_ was worse than they thought.

"But, Tsunade-sama, Gaara is—"

"Shut it, Lee!" Tsunade hissed before turning her rage back to Gaara, "Get the hell out of my office, traitor!"

Gaara sighed as he casually left the room without any kind of fuss. After all, there was really no point in arguing with the drunken woman if she wasn't going to listen to reason.

And so there they were. Lee and Shikamaru. Alone. With their _ill_ Hokage.

It wasn't until Gaara had been gone for a little over a minute when she finally acknowledged the two ninja once again by saying, "What do you want?"

"Um … You asked to see us," Lee informed.

Tsunade blinked, "Oh, right … Yeah, I'm disappointed in you two!" She continued from where she left off, "You're slacking off, so I feel as if it is my duty to dismiss the two of you from your missions for a few weeks."

"Um, Tsunade-sama, if you don't mind could you please explain what exactly we're doing wrong?" Lee questioned, "Is it my taijutsu? I'll increase my training if it is! I'll do three thousand pushup, and if I can not complete that I shall do nine hundred jumping jacks, and if I—"

"Shut it, Lee!" Tsunade growled before the boy continued to ramble on any longer, "I'm sending you both out into the wilderness with no luxuries. You must live and survive on your own for a month, and if you come back and you haven't improved I'm striping you of your titles as ninja." Lee nearly fainted.

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?" Shikamaru finally chimed in, "You haven't even told us what we did wrong or what this temporary absence is supposed to accomplish."

"Those are my conditions!" Tsunade shouted, "My word is final! Your month of training starts now! Shizune!"

The pale woman quickly entered the room and bowed her head, "Yes, Tsunade?"

"Have these two escorted to the front gate immediately and send out scrolls to all the guards letting them know that these two, as well as Gaara, are not aloud to return to the village for a month," Tsunade ordered, "Also, send a team of ninja to find Gaara and kick him out. He may still be wandering around the village."

Shizune stared at the woman in disbelief for a few long seconds before speaking up, "B-But Tsunade, Gaara came all the way from his village to discus—"

"I don't care what that traitor has to say," Tsunade spat, "You have your orders! Complete them!"

"Y-yes ma'am," Shizune sighed as she followed Shikamaru out of the office.

"I will not fail you again, Tsunade-sama!" Lee proclaimed before dashing out of the room shouting something about the power of youth.

**…**

A few minutes later, Shikamaru and Lee were escorted out of the Hidden Leaf Village. Behind them, not even a minute later, came Gaara who was looking rather aggravated. When they tried to ask what they were supposed to do, Shizune showed up with a scroll that read:

_Shikamaru, Lee, and Gaara,_

_This next month is __**not**__ a vacation. In fact, you will treat it as a mission. During this time you will be required to accomplish three simple things; build a sheltered place to sleep, scavenge for your own food, and survive. However there are strict conditions you must fallow. Shikamaru's shelter must be crafted from straw, Lee's shelter must be made of sticks, and Gaara's shelter from sand (but not his own, that's cheating). The food you find can be anything the forest provides. That means you may not go to a neighboring village to purchase food. Also, your weapons can now only be used for protection. This means that you may not use them to hunt for animals. If you wish to hunt you'll have to build your own tools._

_A team of ninja will be watching the three of you at all times to make sure you follow the rules. If they see you breaking these rules they will report it to me. If this happens then you have failed the mission and I will strip you of your titles as ninja's the moment you return to the village._

_That is all._

_You're loving Hokage, _

_Tsunade_

"She's finally lost it," Shikamaru sighed before turning to Shizune, "You can't possibly let her do this? She's dru—"

"_Ill_ … I know, but for now just humor her, okay?" Shizune groaned, "I'll have a talk with her tomorrow to clear this mess up. Until then, take your supplies and go."

"I thought we weren't allowed to have any supplied?"

"Tsunade has offered to give you the supplies needed to build your shelters …" Shizune replied as she pointed behind her and there, leaning against the gates, were two large bundles of straw and sticks along with a few bags of sand.

"I don't have time for this," Gaara growled as he glared at the Hokage's assistant.

"I know, and I apologize for our Hokage's conditions," Shizune sighed while bowing her head, "But I have included a few scrolls and ink with your sand so that you may write to her. Maybe then she'll be able to assist you."

"Honestly, I don't think I want her assistance any more," Gaara replied, "But thank you."

"Good luck," Shizune spoke before heading back into the village to talk some since into her Hokage.

Shikamaru let out a heavy sigh before heaving the large bundle of straw over his shoulder, "How troublesome …"

"I shall craft the greatest fortress out of this wood!!" Lee proclaimed triumphantly before rushing off into the forest.

What they didn't know was that another mission was assigned that day to a certain canine loving ninja. In one week, this ninja had to sniff out and locate his fellow comrades; however, his mission wasn't to be helpful. His mission was to put the three ninja through hell.

It was "Operation: Big Bad Wolf."

**…**

Within the next few days Shikamaru had assimilated with nature rather nicely. In fact, the only problem he had was building his shelter. The first night was spent problem solving. How could he make something as fragile as straw sturdy?

Being the genius that he was, Shikamaru was able to come up with a solution before night fall. It was simple really. All he had to do was braid long strands of the straw together, just like making rope. Once he had enough he could weave them together and then hang the sheet of straw from the trees to create a suitable roof above his head.

Easier said than done, but Shikamaru managed (Thanks to Arts and Craft time!) … Even though it took him a few days to actually complete it.

Now all he had to do was survive … easy. Or so he thought …

"Havin' fun?"

Shikamaru sighed, he knew that cocky voice all too well, "What are you doing out here, Kiba?"

"I'm here to deliver a message from the Hokage," Kiba replied.

"Please tell me she's called the _mission_ off …" Shikamaru muttered, "Hunting is such a drag …"

"Actually …" Kiba's lips curled into a toothy grin, "The Hokage thinks she went a little too easy on you."

Shikamaru let out a heavy sigh before asking, "Is that all you came to tell me, or did the Hokage give us more restrictions?"

"No more restrictions … Just me," Kiba replied before crouching down on all fours and shouting, "Fang over fang!!"

Shikamaru could only watch in mild irritation as Kiba and Akamaru swirled through the air and ripped through his shelter until there was nothing left. When they were finished being destructive, Kiba stood back and watched as little bits of straw descended from above and blanketed the ground like fresh snow. It was obvious Kiba was proud of himself, but Shikamaru on the other hand …

"Damn it, Kiba!" Shikamaru growled, "That took me three days to complete!"

"It's not my fault your shelter didn't pass inspection," Kiba chuckled, "Maybe next time you'll do better." With nothing left to say, Kiba hopped on Akamaru's back and disappeared into the tree branches.

Shikamaru sighed as he started at the shredded remains of his home. His impassive face never once changed over the past hour as he devised his next plan of action.

**…**

Finding that the task of having to rebuild his shelter was too _troublesome_, Shikamaru decided to bunk with a certain green clad ninja. He wasn't too thrilled about the idea, but at least he wouldn't have to spend three more days weaving straw … _again_. Unfortunately, someone else found the energetic ninja before him …

A very loud and obnoxious someone …

"Shikamaru it's horrible!" Lee cried as fresh tears rolled down his rounded cheeks, "My magnificent fortress is ruined!"

"I'd hardly call it magnificent …" Kiba, the culprit, muttered, "I didn't even have to use Fang over Fang …" Kiba demonstrated his mighty strength as he kicked over the last few sticks that were still standing.

Lee wailed as he latched onto the front of Kiba's jacket, "Why would you do such a thing?!" Lee sobbed while shaking the wolf-loving ninja.

"I was ordered to by the Hokage herself," Kiba answered after breaking free from Lee's hold, "You can think of me as an inspector, and, obviously, your shelter failed the test."

"B-but it was _magnificent_ …" Lee's bottom lip quivered.

"Uh right … Anyway, I still have one more home to inspect," Kiba spoke as he hopped on Akamaru's back, "I'll be back next week to see how you've improved." After flashing the two ninja a toothy grin, Akamaru raced off into the woods, now on the hunt for a certain sand ninja.

Lee gasped, "He's going after Gaara?! Hurry, Shikamaru, we must save Gaara!"

"Honestly, I don't think Gaara needs our help," Shikamaru replied, "and if Kiba has at least half a brain he'll realize that messing with him is a big mistake."

Lee wiped the tears from his eyes, "You're right, Gaara is strong, and I'm sure he has already constructed a shelter far grater than ours combined!"

"Combined?" The gears within the lazy ninja's head began to slowly turn, "Gathers what's left of your house and find Gaara. I'll meet you there shortly."

But before Lee could question Shikamaru, he ran off into the forest.

"The power of youth is so beautiful," Lee spoke to himself as tears of happiness now flowed down his fleshy cheeks.

**…**

"Gaara!!" Lee gleefully shouted the very second he spotted the sand ninja, "It is a relief to see you unharmed.

"Unharmed?"

"Yes, Kiba seems to be in a rather destructive mood today," Lee commented before scanning the surrounding area, "Oh no! Did he already destroy your home?!"

Gaara remained silent for well over a minute as he tried his best to recall someone by the name of Kiba, but his search came up with nothing, "I don't know who Kiba is, but there was a really loud and smelly kid who came by a few minutes ago … He was riding a dog …"

"That's him! That's Kiba!" Lee gasped, "Did he wreck your shelter too?"

"No. I didn't make one," Gaara replied as his aqua eyes landed on something in the distance. Lee quickly followed his gaze to discover the bags of sand lying upon the ground … unopened.

"Tsunade-same will not be happy with you, Gaara …"

The sand ninja simple rolled his eyes and proceeded to tune out Lee's proclamations of youth until Shikamaru showed up at the sight and dropped what was left of his straw home on the ground.

"Alright," He began, "We're dealing with a very annoying and persistent enemy who – unfortunately – can smash though a stone. So how do we stop him?"

"Make something stronger than stone?" Lee guessed.

"Exactly," Shikamaru sighed, "I get the feeling that Tsunade wasn't as drunk as we thought when she sent us out on this _mission_. Look at what she sent us with. Straw. Sticks. Sand. All components used to create a sturdy building material with excellent support. This mission isn't about survival. It's about team work."

Lee's dark eyes shimmered, possibly on the verge of tears, "Oh Shikamaru … That's brilliant!"

"Luckily Gaara already picked the perfect location," Shikamaru spoke as his eyes fell on the stream a few feet away, "Looks like we have all of the needed ingredients to build the perfect shelter."

"Then tell us Shikamaru. What must we do first?" Lee question, excited to begin construction.

"First, I need you to collect as many vines as you can find."

"I'm on it!" Lee shouted before dashing off.

"And … uh … do you want to even help, Gaara?"

"I'll do what I can …" Gaara muttered, considering he had nothing better to do.

"Great, maybe you could form some kind of bowl with your sand so we can mix the ingredients in?"

Gaara gave a silent shrug before complying. Within a few hours all of the sand, straw, and water had been mixed together and Lee had returned with a bundle of vines. By the time night feel, the three of them had finished constructing their new shelter … Though, given the limited supplies they had, they were only able to construct two walls of the home.

So Shikamaru, being the genius that he was, faced both walls in the direction of the village and covered the top with a roof of levees. With nothing left to do, they could only hope that Kiba would show up from that direction. Other wise … they were busted.

**…**

As promised, Kiba returned a week later with a bright, toothy grin upon his face, "Ah, I see you actually have something this time."

"No thanks to you!" Lee growled.

Kiba chucked as he kicked at one of the walls, "Looks kinda lame if ya ask me. What do you think Akamaru?" The large dog let out a happy bark, "Yeah … lets see if it'll pass the test."

"Fang over Fang!"

The three ninja watched as Kiba and Akamaru sailed through the air and ripped through their shelter with no problem. The double lined walls reinforced with hatched wood and rock hard stone didn't stand a chance against the powerful attack. It was destroyed in mere seconds.

With the deed done, Kiba grinned while admiring his work, "As expected … pathetic."

"No!" Lee wailed, "All of our hard work! I though for sure this one would work … I suppose there's nothing that can stop him …"

Gaara stared down at the destroyed remains of their hard work before speaking up, "The Hokage stated that we weren't allowed to fight unless it was for protection, correct?"

"Yeah … Why?" Shikamaru questioned.

"Wouldn't you consider Kiba's antics … life threatening?"

"Well, considering he can't see where he's going when he's using Fang over Fang, I'd have to say yes. He could easily miss his target and in turn hit one of us," Shikamaru replied, a sly grin upon his lips.

"Then it looks like we'll have to protect ourselves," Gaara spoke as he summoned his sand.

"W-wait a sec! You can't attack me! I have direct orders from the Hokage! I'm only doing my job!" Kiba retorted, not liking the odds.

"Really? Where's the scroll to prove it?" Shikamaru asked.

"I … uh … left it at home …" Kiba muttered before adding, "but I do have it!"

"Until you have the proper evidence you are considered a threat …" Gaara lamely stated.

"So prepare yourself for battle!" Lee demanded as he positioned himself in his fighting stance.

As they say, action speaks louder than words, so when the three ninja charged into battle … Kiba ran for his life. This mission wasn't worth getting his ass handed to him by Gaara, Lee, and Shikamaru.

Truthfully, the ninja weren't expecting to fight, so with Kiba out of sight they dropped their guard.

"Another brilliant plan, Shikamaru!" Lee proclaimed, "How did you know he would break through?"

"Two walls is hardly the proper support," Shikamaru replied, "Maybe if we had all four it would have held, but I doubt it. Kiba is strong, but he knows better than to mess with three ninja of our status; especially Gaara."

"What do we do now?" Lee questioned, "That was the last of our material. We can't make another shelter like that one …"

"Actually you don't need to," a calming voice spoke as Neji dropped down from the branches above, his silver eyes smiling softly at his fellow ninja, "You passed the Hokage's test."

"So the mission was team work after all!" Lee proclaimed, "How beautiful!"

"Actually … the mission was to 'get a backbone' as the Hokage put it …" Neji replied.

"What?!"

"Well … she was somewhat drunk at the time …" Shikamaru sighed, "How troublesome …"

"I'm also to inform you of your next mission."

"Another one?" Shikamaru groaned.

"Yes, you must travel to the land of rice patties and bring back some of their premium sake," Neji spoke, almost feeling pity for the three ninja … _almost_.

"You're kidding, right?" Shikamaru questioned, "Please tell me you're kidding."

Neji glared at the ninja, "Do I look like the kind of person to joke around?"

That question didn't need to be answered. It was painfully obvious that Neji wasn't the playful type.

"I should also add that you're not aloud back into the village without the sake, so there's no point in ditching the mission," Neji stated.

"We shall not let our Hokage down!" Lee proclaimed, "Let the power of Youth guide us to victory!"

Unable to argue with the Hyuuga, Shikamaru and Gaara followed after Lee as the three of them headed for the land of rice patties. After all, another pointless mission was _just_ what they needed … be sure to note the sarcasm in this statement …

Once they were out of sight, laughter erupted form the branches above.

"Oh man!" Naruto heaved, trying to catch his breath, "That was priceless! I can't believe you actually went with it!"

Neji's thin lips curled into a smug smirk, "It's always nice to let lose every so often," He admitted.

"And what makes it even better is that they actually fell for it!" Naruto snickered.

Even Shino, the third member to their team, cracked a small smile, "I believe we have Neji's convincing performance to thank for that."

"Yeah! You rock, Neji!"

"Just don't tell anyone … okay?"

"Hey, after helping me with that prank, my lips are sealed," Naruto said with a grin, "Believe it!"

And with their task said and done, the three ninja headed back to the village with proud smiles and smirks upon their faces. Oh yes, it was a fine day indeed.

* * *

**Hikari**: Heheh. I'm so evil.

**Naruto**: I know! It's awesome!

**Hikari**: -giggles- Awww Naruto, don't inflate my ego. It's big enough as it is.

**Shikamaru**: I can't disagree with that …

**Hikari**: -smiles- I like writing your dialogue, Shikamaru. It makes me feel smart. X3

**Kiba**: And that's a rare thing, right? –snickers-

**Hikari**: You're so mean, Kiba … -on the verge of tears-

**Charmed**: Aww … Now look at what you did! –hugs Hikari while glaring at Kiba-

**Naruto**: -glares at Kiba along with Charmed-

**Tessen**: -knows Hikari's being overdramatic_ again_ and goes about her own business-

**Shikamaru**: It was better than anything you could have come up with.

**Kiba**: -huffs-

**Hikari**: -ignoring Kiba- Well, that's it for this chapter!! I hope you liked it! X3


	20. Darken Locks

Charmed: I thought you locked the door

Charmed: I thought you locked the door.

Tessen: ……

Charmed: It was Hikari's fault

Tessen: What?! She's not even here.

Charmed: All the more reason it's her fault.

Tessen: -distressed sigh-

Charmed: -smiles-

Tessen: why do I feel like something bad is going to happen?

Charmed: Because you're a pessimist

Tessen: -glares-

Charmed: You don't scare me! –Bumps into something hard- -looks up sheepishly-

Neji! You got big, where's your ribbons?

Neji: -angry glare-

Tessen: -backs away slowly- only to bump into someone –Ahhhh-

Charmed: You're so melodramatic. –Ignores Tessen's glare- It's only Sasuke. –rolls eyes-

Neji: Where were you?

Charmed: Aww Neji-kun did you miss me –starry eyes-

Neji: no

Charmed: I missed you too.

Sasuke: Where the hell have you been?

Charmed: Busy, I have a life you know

Tessen: -cough-

Charmed: -glares at Tessen- Hey Sasuke come here.

Sasuke: -steps closer with Uchiha arrogance-

Charmed: -leans into his ear speaking in a whisper-

Sasuke: -backs away eyes flashing red-

Charmed: go get everyone.

Sasuke: -leaves-

Tessen: what did you say to him?

Charmed: not telling! Neji-kun! –latches on his arm-

Neji: -tries to tug arm free- -continues glaring-

Charmed: You are cute when you're angry.

Tessen: Charmed start your story.

Charmed: I can't Shino isn't here yet.

Shino: Charmed-san Tessen-san

Charmed: Buggy-kun –hugs-

Tessen: Hi Shino-san

Charmed: Lets get this started! –Drags off Neji-

Shino: -follows-

Tessen: -sighs-

Charmed: Come on Tessen!

30 minutes later!

Okay I need…… Hmm I need Sai, Kakashi, and Temari

Tessen: Why?

Charmed: Characters…. Duh.

Tessen: what story?

Charmed: Goldie Locks and the Three Bears

Tessen: okay? You need another bear then.

Charmed: no I don't

Tessen: hmm yea, you only have two.

Charmed: no I have three.

Tessen: who?!

Charmed: -sighs- Temari- mommy bear, Sai- baby bear, Kakashi- papa bear

Tessen: Do I want to know who you have as Goldie locks.

Charmed: Of course. Shino bring him in.

Tessen: Oh my god, you're evil –blushes- Where did you get that?

Charmed: -smiles- Jiraiya gave me a great catalog

"Let's start this"

**Darken Locks**

Far and lost in the Forest Hidden in the Trees a small slightly confused boy grunted in frustration.

His feet hurt, the black shiny Mary Janes on his feet though going great with his outfit weren't for running around in the woods. His outfit was hot and itchy, the long white stockings that covered in his shins where slightly dirty from running in the woods and making his legs sweat, his knees and thighs are chilled and the lacy underskirts are scratching the sensitive skin of his upper thighs.

This outfit was impractical for running away, the skirt was too fluffy and the waist too tight the big bow in the middle of the low cut 'bust line' was sticking to his sweating sticky chest.

He should have changed out of this outfit before running away, even if it looked great on him and blue really was his color.

The boy no longer being able to run collapsed on the ground at the base of a giant tree.

Resting a few minutes he stood up, making sure to fix his outfit, get all the leaves that got tangled in the lacy mess that was his skirt. Decided he'd walk this time, since he'd gotten such a head start already.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been walking when he finally came across a small cottage. It wasn't really impressive, but it looked like no one was home. Not bothering to knock he entered the home, it was small but tidy.

There was a small living area connected to a small kitchen then what looked like a small hallway. Which he supposed lead to the bedrooms and bathroom; he wasn't going bother to checking it out. He was too thirsty and hungry to worry how big the bathroom was.

Walking to the small kitchen he saw that three bowls were already setting out.

Grabbing some chopsticks he tasted the first one, only to start choking, quickly spitting it out he, hesitantly, moved on to the next one, it was cold and chunky, and didn't have a taste, swallowing it harshly he looked at the third bowl with distaste.

Not trusting the odds he looked around the kitchen for something edible, finding nothing he looked back to the final bowl. Sighing he picked up the chopsticks he quickly took a bite, instantly regretting it, he felt sick.

Any idiot could make ramen; it wasn't that hard, especially instant ramen, you add water, hot water.

He felt ill, looking around the kitchen once more, his eyes caught his salvation; a big juicy, ripened tomato. Reaching for it, holding it gently as if it would disappear if he was firm with it, he brought it to his mouth his nose filling with its earthly scent.

He biting into it his mouth filled with its core of watery heaven, he could feel some escape the sides of his lips and flow down his chin and dip from his chin to possibly stain his outfit.

He quickly finished, wiping his mouth and chin with his the back of his hand. Taking a deep breath only for it to come out as a yawn, he decided he take a nap before he left, surely the owner wouldn't mind.

Going down the small hallway he noticed three doors, opening the first door was greeted with a bathroom, going to the second door, he was greeted with the sight of two beds, one neatly made the other a lazy mess. Not trusting the messy one he walked over to the neatly made one, sitting on the bed then laying on his back staring up at the ceiling, this bed was hard and smelled of ink. Rolling up and off the bed he walked over to the other hesitantly sitting on it, he lay back on it only to have the fluffy softness of the bed wrap and cocoon his body, jumping and jerking he finally dislodged his body from its sinking softness.

Leaving the room he when the last door, turning the knob and pushing opening the door he was greeted with a slightly feminine room, with a bed in the corner. Approaching it he sat down, bouncing slightly, confident that it wasn't going to swallow him like the last one, he lay back on his back and was asleep in no time.

Not too far away, three ninja were returning to their temporary home, after going out for take-out.

"I still say the Ramen was bad." A feminine voice stated in a controlled somewhat forceful voice.

"Of course Temari-chan all three different containers." Replied a cool lazy voice.

"Kakashi-sensei it's more likely that she is a horrible cook given that all containers were different brands." Commented a blank sounding voice with a hint of fake cheer.

"Oh we're home." Kakashi said trying to distract the angry Temari from killing the clueless Sai who had a fake smile on his face not knowing the danger.

"I'm going to my room, come get me when this annoying mission is over." Temari growled disappearing down the hallway.

"Someone threw away Temari-chan's ramen." Kakashi stated walking into the small kitchen.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" Came Temari's yell from her bedroom.

"Did Temari-chan find the mirror, Kakashi-sensei?" Sai commented with another fake smile.

Kakashi choose not to respond, he was now sure why Sai was abused so much by the people, especially women and Naruto.

Kakashi and Sai made it to Temari's room just in time to see an sleepy boy in a maid's outfit rubbing his eyes mumbling something about annoying women and trying to sleep.

Before anyone could say anything the window fell open and sitting in the opening was an blonde boy with bright blue eyes in a jump outfit.

"I found you my Damsel," The boy declared dramatically striking a pose.

"Shut up dope, I just woke up." The recently awoken boy grumbled.

"This looks familiar." Kakashi mumbled to himself.

"Get out of my window you freak." Shouted Temari clearly upset.

The blonde attempted to get out of the window only to lose his balance and fall inside on his face.

"Come Damsel" said the blonde jumping up and making another dramatic pose.

"Leave me alone I have a headache." Said the boy with angry under tone.

"But I've come to rescue you from distress, so I can take you home and ravish you like the book says." The blonde pouted.

"What's going on here?" Temari demanded.

Both boys looked at her.

"Fantasy Tactics III" Kakashi said aloud.

"Hey, how do you know?" demanded the blonde.

"It's one of my favorites." Kakashi said pulling out orange book that had several folded corners and a fading cover only to flip it to a page showing a girl in a maid outfit similar to the boy's running from another guy.

"Let me get this straight, you two are playing out a scene from a porn book." Temari said trying to stay calm.

"yep." The blonde replied excitedly. "Our therapist said it would be good for our relationship to switch roles and explore new things."

Temari just stared on.

"Come my damsel, you've been a bad girl/boy, I'm going to have punish you." The blonde said with a smile too innocent for the under meaning of the words.

"hn."

"Sasuke, stay in character it's very important, remember what the therapist said, you want this to work don't you." The blonde pouted, "Okay let's try this again, you've been a bad girl I'm going to have to punish you when we get home, do you understand."

Sasuke gave a small almost shy nod, a blush coloring his cheeks.

Kakashi thought the boy was in character given that the character was a very shy girl who of course was a virgin.

"Alright let's go, I'm hungry." The blonde started, no one noticed Kakashi collapsing on the floor. The boy had to ruin the scene with his loud mouth.

"Let's have ramen after when we get home." The blonde happily chatted grabbing the other boy by the wrist dragging him out the door.

"What just happened here?" Temari asked, only to speak seconds later, "never mind I don't want to know, I'm going to bed."

THE END

Charmed: OH YEAH, Take that writer's block, wrote that in two hours off the top of my head.

Tessen: -stares-

Charmed: what? –Tessen still staring- That's slightly creepy

Tessen: How'd you get Sasuke to do that?

Charmed: -evil smile- knowledge is power, and I'm update to date on all the Manga chapters, I just made a deal, with him, I'll tell him what happens if he does what I want him too

Tessen: you can't do that!

Charmed: why not?

Tessen: ……..it's wrong

Charmed: so is kidnapping, bribery, and blackmail but we did all of that in the first chapter alone. –walks away-

Tessen: ………..

Charmed: Don't you have a chapter to write

Tessen: shut up

A/N: This is Tessen and Charmed. I, Tessen, am typing. Charmed is talking; since Charmed has hurt her finger under situations that will not be mentioned. We are apologizing for the lateness of our updates. We promise that we will have our next chapter up in less then four months –glares at Tessen-

/... I regret nothing. I have school and a job./

Don't start! You've been out of school for two months, unlike me; who has been in school and studying for a really big test!

/I got out two WEEKS ago; and I still have a eight hour job./

Whatever. We will up date soon! Please review.

/What happened to Hikari?/

She has been kidnapped by an evil mastermind and taken to Minnesota (we think, we haven't been sent the ransom note yet).


	21. Sake

--

The rookie nine (who were no longer amused by the nickname) and Team Gai watched nervously as a brown haired, glasses wearing girl looked though two different scripts.

Finally she put both in separate hands as if measuring the weight of the paper and finally tossed the one in her right over her shoulder and started toward the group.

"Okay, here's the plan," said Tessen. "The next story will be Rumpelstiltskin."

Naruto shook his head, "Never heard of it."

"Yeah, well, that's a given. The story originated in Germany and was written down by the Brothers Grimm. I'll get you guys some scripts."

"It would be easier if you just told us the story you know," pointed out Sakura.

"Not the point. I don't think you should be in it anyway. I think the only one I need at the moment is...HINATA! Come with me please." Tessen then walked out of the meeting room.

"I...I'm not going to be s..someone's wife again am I?"

"Uh...not right way no."

"What?"

Naruto watched the two girls walk out and then turned to Sasuke, "I hope we are in her story next."

"What? Why?"

"She's the only one that hasn't done a...what's the word?...Yoai story yet."

-twitch-

"...You okay Bastard?"

"Yes." –Twitch-

"..."

"SAKE! I mean SASSKE, NO I MEAN, DAMN IT! EMO BOY COME'RE!"

-big twitch-

Charmed suddenly came barreling into the room and many of the remaining teams left quickly.

"SHINO! You need to stay too! Okay, both of you will be helping Tessen with her story, okay? Shikamaru will be taking over your prop stuff Sasuke and she said something about Temari 'helping' me today, Shino. Later guys!" And out she went.

"..."

--

Who had the last line? Shino or Sasuke?

--

A slamming door was heard and then the 'mystery' voice over the loud system was heard on the stage below.

_Okay! Lets get this over with. I have reports and a financial portfolio to work on._

"HOLD IT! WHY THE HELL AM I IN THIS DUMB OUTFIT?!"

_...dagnapit. I'm never going to be able to start a story strait out, am I? ...wait. I have costumes?!_

"YES YOU HAVE COSTUMES! They look stupid! And someone said I have to SING?!"

_Huh? No, no singing. I'm not Disney thank you very much. Look I'm pretty sure that you're not suppose to have a costume. The only ones who have a costume are the king, prince, and Rumbilstiskin._

"...damn you."

_Love you too. Now get going, you don't come in until later._

--

_Once upon a time there lived a miller...YO! Buggy!_

Shino stepped out from stage right and looked right at the tanned glassed sound booth, "Do not call me that."

-sweat drop-_ right sorry. Anyway, there lived a miller and his daughter...Hinata?_

Hinata carefully walked out on to the stage.

_Ah! Good girl. You weren't pushed this time. Anyway, the miller...yes Shino?_

Shino put his hand down and looked toward the sound booth, "We do not have any flour."

_Why not?_

"Too expensive."

_...okay. Then the father was a ...butterfly hunter._

"..."

_Okay, lets go with that._

_Anyway, one night the miller had bragged to some of the kings men that his daughter could spin straw into gold while drinking at the local pub. He was obviously very drunk._

"...S-Shino kun? You don't drink," voiced Hinata.

"I may start after this."

_You're underage...I think. At any rate, the king had heard the man's boast and threatened that if his daughter could not spin a bail of hay into gold in one night the father would be put to death._

"That's a little extreme, isn't it?" asked Choji as he walked out in his normal outfit.

_Yeah, but you're a tyrant. Wait, you were supposed to have a costume..._

-Shrug- "I wasn't instructed to get one."

_...bah. Forget it. Shino is still wearing his face mask and all. The king took the girl to a small dungeon to spin the straw into gold._

_...that's the cue for a SET CHANGE PEOPLE!!_

--

The lights come up with Hinata sitting on a stool next to a spinning wheel. The room was small and dark with...no hay bile in sight.

_-sigh- Okay, why no hay? Shikamaru?_

"Tru –he ducked as a script was thrown at his head- It was all used for 'craft time'."

_Gah. Okay, so what should we use?_

Shikamaru walked on to the stage holding a small pot, "I managed to get some ramen noodles." He handed the pot to Hinata and walked back off stage.

_Okay...how NO! Never mind I don't want to know. Let's just get going. The daughter was told to spin the ramen into gold by morning or else her father would die._

Hinata dejectedly picked up a string of the noodles and watched as it broke in half and fell back into the pot, "...I-I don't think th-his is going to work."

_...me nether. HOWEVER! Just as the girl was beginning to think it was a lost cause a...what the hell was he anyway? Hang on._

Hinata was looking at the pot in a board manner when, in puff of smoke, Sasuke appeared in front of her.

"Was that my cue?" he asked Hinata.

"uhmm...Not really. She stopped for some reason."

"Damn it. Bad enough that they have Itachi in costumes, now the 'narrator' disappears."

_AH! I got it! He was a...dwarf. –looks down to see that Sasuke had a good six inches on Hinata- Damn. Bah. I don't think we can use dwarf anyway, that's not the politically correct term anymore is it? Huh. They have sprits in Japan...let's go with that._

_Just as the girl though it was a lost cause, a sprit appeared before her and offered to spin the ha...noodles into gold for her in exchange for her ring._

Sasuke blinked, "You're screwed."

"Hmm?"

"I can't spin anything."

_I gave you gold tinsel for Pete's-sake. Anyway, the ring?_

"So-orry. I don't have a ring."

"I HAVE IT!!" yelled Hikari as she came running from stage left. "Kankuro just finished making it. ISN'T PRETTY?!"

_Yes. Very pretty. Why are you 'making' things?_

"phf. You thought we were just torturing people in Arts and Crafts time? We made most of your props you know," said Hikari as she walked off stage.

_...actually I didn't...damn. Now I have to rethink the whole 'arts and crafts' thing. Anyway, the girl gave the d...sprite her ring and in a few minutes he had spun the ha...noodles into gold._

Hinata blinked, but non the less, turned to Sasuke and handed him the pot of (by now) very soggy noodles. Staring at the pot for a moment Sasuke threw it over his shoulder off stage and pulled out a bag of tinsel and handed it to her.

_...how anticlimactic. Anyhow, the next night the king demanded that she spin more gold and the girl had to trade her necklace._

Both of the heroes looked off stage, but Hinata was the only one that was able to duck the flying clay necklace. Sasuke scowled and then panicked slightly when he noted that it was a _**clay**_necklace. He managed to throw it back to the person who had thrown it on stage to begin with and smiled when he heard the BANG and the cussing that ensued.

_...right. Deidara is not allowed to help in arts and crafts anymore. The third night the King demanded that she spin one more bai...pot of noodles, and as a reward he would allow her to marry the prince, but the girl had nothing left to give the sprit._

"Do I get to actually say something this time?" asked Sasuke.

_As long as it's the line in the script, sure._

"Hu...LINE!"

_YOU HAVEN'T READ THE FREAKING SCRIPT?!_

"I forgot ONE line! Sue me!"

_ALL YOU HAVE IS ONE FREAKING LINE!!_

Hinata –as if she was use to this- just sat playing with the gold tinsel that Sasuke had given her.

"You shouldn't have put me in this roll then!"

_Shut it! Think about your second goal dumbass!_

"…huh?"

_Good gad. I'm I the only one that reads the forums?_

-Crickets chirping-

_Dame you people. After you kill your brother what is your second goal?_

"Revive the clan."

_There you go._

Hinata had a slight panicked look as this conversation continued.

"…" Sasuke looked at Hinata and then back up to the sound booth "You do know we are distant cousins right?"

…_I don't like incest thank you. That was a hint chicken butt. You are going to ask for her first child._

"Why would a spirit want a child?"

_I don't know.Iit wasn't covered in Wikipedia. Just get on with it. IMPROVISE!_

"Eh." Sasuke turned to Hinata dramatically, "I will spin st…ramen in to gold th…tinsel for you one more time in exchange for a item later!"

-An odd WHAK was heard from the sound booth- _Gad. THAT'S your improvising?!_

Sasuke was fighting back a tick next to his eye as Hinata agreed to the bargain.

TAKE FIVE

_Right. So anyway, a few years past and the girl married the prince……_

"YOSH!"

_Huh?_

Lee suddenly made a mad dash to center stage where Hinata was standing next to Choji.

Choji looked up to the sound booth, "You're kidding right?"

_Uh…LEE?! What the heck? I thought Gaara was the prince in this thing…._

"He has respectfully declined the role, Tessen-San! So I am here to take his place!"

_But you were already a prince. You married Tente –thwack- Right. Let's forget I was saying anything, said the narrator as she pulled a shuniken off the bill board behind her._

_Let's continue._

"YOSH! I…"

_Two years past, and a baby was born to the heirs of the kingdom._

Gai ran on to the stage with a chibi Neji in his arms. "Quickly! Before Charmed-chan finds him!"

Lee and Hinata looked at Chibi Neji in mild horror.

Hinata was the one who ended up taking him; and quickly setting him down on the floor. Neji turned around to walk back off stage, but was waylaid by Lee who griped the back of his shirt before he could leave.

"You know you will just be dragged back out."

-twitch-

"I refuse to be part of this," Said Neji, "I'm older than her…"

"THAT DOES NOT MATTER, NEJI!" yelled Gai, from the safety of back stage, "YOU ARE YOUTHFUL! Don't waste it!"

"NOT BY CHOCE!"

_Anyway, Rumpelstiltskin, having heard the wonderful news, came to the girl one night to take what was his._

-Poof- "That was my cue rig………..NO WAY! I am not taking the white eyed midget!"

_Who the hell did you think was going to get for the kid? And don't say midget; it's politically incorrect._

"Fine." –looks over- "Do I hav…"

_**Yes.**_

"Damn."

_Moving on. Rumpelstiltskin started toward the girl just as she pleaded with him to leave the child._

"Uhmm…….please don't take my ch-hild."

"I don't really want him."

_Moving on. Rumpelstiltskin agreed to one last trade. If the girl could guess his name in three days he would not take the baby._

Sasuke looked up, "Can I go now?"

_Uh…yeah._

"It will not last," said Neji.

"Hu"

_Back to one short answers again. Anyway, the first day passed with no success for the girl. .-Hinata and Neji walk off stage- She sent her trusted messenger…………….YO! Whoever is playing the messenger now, get out here!_

A green eyed, red head walked on stage.

_What the hell?! You were supposed to be the prince!_

"We traded places. Tsunade would like to know when you are going to do her paperwork. It's piling up."

…_.I will get to that soon. Anyway, she sent her trusted messenger to the forest in hopes of finding the old man that lived there. She thought that the old man, who had lived in the area for years, would know what the……spirit's name is._

"I would not like to talk to Jiraiya at the moment."

_He's not the only old guy we have you know. It doesn't matter at the moment tough. The loyal messenger went out into the forest to find the old man, but came across the………..sprit._

Sasuke came out onto the stage, "I'm not singing."

…_I'm not asking you to sing._

"Charmed has asked me to do a favor for her," said Gaara.

_What?_

_-Gaara grins- (the authoress is now fearful)_

-Sasuke looks vaguely panicked-

--Intermission--

…_.Okay then. Thank you Gaara._

Sasuke was standing in the middle of the stage trying not to look too freaked out as sand fell out of his hair.

_Sasuke, did you ever say your name?_

"IT'S SASUKE!"

_Stage name hun._

"…….LINE!"

_DAMN YOU TO HELL AND BACK! IT'S ONE FREAKING LINE!_

-Gaara takes this moment to step off stage-

"That's the last time I fight a raccoon in a sand box."

…_..What?_

"Nothing. I am…Rumble…..Runble….Runskilk….Damn it."

"SAUUK! SAK! SAKE! DAMNIT! EMO-BOY! WHEN YOU ARE DONE WORKING FOR TESSEN, GET YOU'RE BUTT BACK TO THE PROP TABLE! Shika is not doing it right…..AND WHERE IS MY NEJI-KUN?!"

_Bloody hell. This story is falling apart………FAST ENDING!_

_The messenger ran back to the girl to tell her the name of the emo…..Spirit!_

Hinata, Neji, and Gaara walked out onto the stage; Gaara looking at Neji the inter time.

Hinata turned to Gaara carefully, "Um…Gaara. What is the Spirit's name?"

Gaara continued to stare at Neji, who was staring back.

"Um……Gaara-sama?"

"Sake. Were you not taller?"

-The Neji Death Glare™, which did not have as much power miniaturized-

_Moving on, the messenger left after telling the girl the all important name. As the sun set for the day, the spirit came to the castle to clamed his reward; not knowing that the girl now knew his name._

"Why do we need a script if all you are doing to do is tell the story?" asked Sasuke as he walked back out.

_I have to narrate this much __**because**__ you people don't read the script. Just as the spirit was picking up the child…….I said picking up the child._

"No."

_Damn. You're disappointing some people here. Bah. The girl took back her child and told the spirit his name._

Hinata looked at Neji (who was standing; not in anyone's arms) and then back to Sasuke. "Uhm…..Your name is Sasuke."

_Rumpelstiltskin._

"So-orry. I can't say that word ether."

_-sigh- Sake then._

Hinata nodded, "Your name is Sake."

Sasuke just stood there, "Do I have a line after this?"

_GAH! And the spirit wailed 'NO you have found my secret name' and vanished; NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN_

"That's my cue, right?" he asked Hinata.

"I believe so."

"Right, later." And in a phoof of smoke, he was gone.

_And the king and queen of the new kingdom ruled happily ever after with their son. THE END_

The sound of a door slamming was heard in the building and a girl came down the stairs grumbling about how the stories are never different.

Sasuke was trying to shake the sand out of his hair, while also trying to not to hear Shikamaru and Charmed argue about the prop table.

"I am never going to get all the sand out of my…."

"CHARMED! What did I tell you about yelling when we are doing a story?"

"Don't."

"EXACTLY!"

"HE WOULDN'T TELL ME WHERE NEJI IS! I CAN'T FIND HIM!! He could be lost, and alone, and hungry, and without his hair bows, and…." Charmed was close to having a brake down.

"He's on stage. Or trying to get into the sound booth again. He seems to think I keep the keys in there or something."

Laughing eccentrically, Charmed ran off to find the Chibi.

Tessen shook her head as she turned to Sasuke, "You keep taps on Neji for her or something?"

"It was part of the deal."

"Deal?"

"There you are," said Tenten as she came running to the table, "Temari is locked in the costume room, Shino is helping Hikari find Naruto (something about spiders), Chouji doesn't know what we want for lunch, and Sai is talking to Sakura and it's not going well."

"Okay," said Tessen as she blinked. "And you want me to do what?"

"Fix it."

"Good Grief. I thought you had a set of keys."

"I did. I think Neji has them. Or Kakashi, or Sai, or Itachi for all I know."

Tessen smacked her forehead with her hand and sighed as she followed Tenten to the costume room.

You never know what the hell is going on until the assistances come and talk to you.

--

AN:

Hmmm…..Why was this late?

I have a job (which I am losing soon, Damn cut backs), Charmed has a big test and will need to find a job soon, and Hikari is missing in action (visiting her boyfriend).

All in all, life. It sucks sometimes; and you know it. Please forgive us if we disappear sometimes. We are all 20somethings, all in college, and all about to look for new jobs; so bear with us.

Charmed looked threw her memory and has found a lot of fairy tells that we have missed, so expect some new stuff as soon as one of us has some free time. I have an Omake that should be up before July 10.

Later! Thanks for understanding.


	22. the boy who cried Charmed?

Omake!

The horrible look-out

Aka

The boy who cried…….

Tobi: CHARMED!!

Everyone: Where?

Tobi: I don't remember –happy voice-

Sasuke: Hyuga why is he here?

Neji: Because Uchiha he volunteered.

Sasuke: Anyone could be a better lookout than him.

Tobi: Charmed!

Neji: Where?

Tobi: She's gone now.

Kankuro: Then stop yelling you idiot, you'll draw attention.

Sasuke: Again Hyuga why is he here.

Neji: He volunteered.

Sasuke: So, dope could do a better job.

Kankuro: Well dope is eating ramen with the enemy.

Sasuke: Enemy? Itachi?!

Neji: -sigh- No Hikari-san

Sasuke: Hikari-san I thought she was M.I.A.

Kankuro: She's visiting.

Sasuke: Hn so why are we here?

Kankuro: We were kidnapped.

Neji and Sasuke: ………..

Sasuke: I mean in Tessen's sound booth.

Neji: I'm looking for the keys.

Kankuro and Sasuke: Why am I here?

Neji: You are supposed to be helping.

Kankuro: Why are we looking for keys?

Neji: So we can get out of this Hell.

Tobi: CHARMED!

Neji: Where?!

Deidara: Shut up Asshole!

Tobi: Deidara-sempai, you're not Charmed!

Deidara: No shit, Don't call me that!!….yeah.

What are you leaf brats doing in here?

Kankuro: Why do you want to know?

Tobi: They're looking for the keys to escape, Deidara-sempai, Tobi is helping Tobi is a good boy.

Deidara: about time someone tried to get out of here...un.

Tobi: Charmed!

Kankuro: Where?!

Tobi: She's gone!

Kankuro: Then don't Fucking yell!

**-Several minutes six yells of Charmed! Later- **

CHARMED!

Kankuro: FUCK THIS, I'll be look out, Tobi go help them

Tobi: No! Tobi is good boy, Toby is lookout. –pouting-

Kankuro: FINE! But if you yell Charmed one more time and she isn't there I'll kill you.

**-Several minutes and a destroyed sound booth later-**

Deidara: -twitch-

Neji: the keys aren't in here.

Sasuke: Hn

Kankuro: Figures

Tobi: CHARMED!

Deidara: I'm going to kill that asshole. Un

Kankuro: I'll help you

Charmed: DeiDei I wondered where you were, Kankuro too, what were you doing in Tessen's sound booth, alone? –smirk-

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy, Tobi lookout.

Charmed: with Tobi as you're look out, OH the Scandal, I knew you two looked awful close in Pinocchio

Deidara: what the hell woman Yeah

Kankuro: are you crazy?

Neji and Sasuke: -walks out of booth-

Charmed: what the hell was it a Yaoi orgy in that sound booth, why wasn't I told. No wonder Tessen likes it in there so much.

Deidara and Kankuro: WHAT!

Charmed: Neji, how could you?! –Sobs- With Sasuke no less

Sasuke: Hey, what's that suppose to mean, I'm very desirable.

Charmed: -ignores Sasuke- I mean Deidara was in there why not him,

Neji: -twitch-

Sasuke: why not me, I'm hot.

Charmed: -ignores- I mean if you wanted some Uchiha, Itachi is here too

Sasuke: I'm hotter than Itachi

Charmed: -laughing-

Kankuro: -speaks to Sasuke- you know what she saying right

Sasuke: Yea she's saying Itachi is hotter than me, which is bullshit, I'm hotter than Blondie there too

Kankuro: Yea well there's that too, I was talking about the part where she saying that you and Hyuga fucked.

Sasuke: ………-walks off gloomy-

Charmed: I'm just saying Neji that you should keep you options open I mean Sasuke is okay, I mean he is cute in that maid's costume but you shouldn't sell yourself short.

Neji: -sighs-

Charmed: now come on, We got to go find Shino –picks up Neji-

Oh Tobi, did you get the keys like I asked you too.

Tobi: Yep Charmed-chan, Tobi is a good boy –pulls out a keyring with several keys on it-

Charmed: Thanks Tobi, you're such a good boy –pats Tobi's head- -walks off-

Tobi: Ow Deidara-sempai that hurt, you hit Tobi

Kankuro: you had the keys the whole time

Tobi: Charmed-chan told Tobi to get them and hold them for her Tobi is a good boy

Deidara: I'm going kill you asshole un

Tobi: -runs-

Deidara and Kankuro: -chase after-

**-Hours later-**

Tessen was going to her sound booth to get the first aid kit, Deidara and Kankuro had teamed up and beaten up Tobi. He was in rough shape but fine, thankfully they had hid all the clay from Deidara, and took away Kankuro's puppets. Sakura refused to heal the childish Akatsuki and Tsunade was too drunk. So here Tessen was going for the first aid kit.

Tessen: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!

Across the compound four boys got cold chills.

* * *

FIN

AN: OH YEAH I WIN! TWO CHAPTERS IN LESS THAN A WEEK!

Tessen: Aren't you suppose to be studying

Charmed: ………….. Tomorrow!

Tessen: -sighs- you're a horrible student

Charmed: -sobs- why are you so mean?!

Tessen: -sighs- Please Review!

Charmed: if you review I'll study harder!!

Tessen: you better study hard anyway

Charmed: YES Mommy!

Tessen: Shut up

A.N. AGAIN: Charmed: where have all our reviewers gone. don't ya'll like us anymore. -sobs-

OH another chapter, a twist off on the three billy goats guff, by me! by this weekend. i already have it done. then we'll see on what's next. -giggles-

TESSEN: BACK TO STUDYING!!

Charmed: -runs-


	23. Lee's Training

AN: Charmed: This is a twist on Three Billy Guff, it's very OOC for me considering my usual chapters. –smirk- ENJOY

* * *

Lee's Challenge

* * *

Charmed: Shino! I need you to gather these people. –Hands over list-

Shino: -nods-

--start here--

The sun was just rising in Konoha, the air was cool and crisp and the morning silent.

"Five hundred more laps Lee!" the joyful not even breaking a sweat beautiful green beast of Konoha yelled to his equally joyful clone of a pupil.

The morning was silent……

"Yes Gai-sensei, then it's on to eight hundred one handed push ups, then we start our youthful taijutsu warm ups. "Lee yelled back tears spilling down his face in happiness.

"Not today, I'm going to challenge your great youthfulness, to its greatest extent, with a secret training technique, that my eternal rival drove me to create," Gai exclaimed determinedly flash and smile flashing.

Lee overcome with happiness stopped hands coming up to cup his cheeks in excitement, the sky lighting up, waves crashing behind him, eyes bright and star like, in complete amazement. He was quickly brought out of his daze by a painful punch to the side of the head.

"Lee, you stopped you're laps." Gai yelled enraged, running in place.

"I apologize, Gai-sensei, I shall do five hundred more and if I cannot do five hundred more I shall do eight hundred high kicks….

"Enough Lee" Gai yelled another painful hit to the side of Lee's head, "finish you laps and meet me at the red bridge, the one team Kakashi meets at." Gai ordered taking off to finish his own laps leaving Lee in a cloud of dust coughing lightly.

An hour later, Lee came running up the bridge where Gai-sensei stood waiting.

"Lee"

"Gai-sensei"

"Lee"

"Gai-sensei"

"Lee"

"Gaa," Lee yelled as he was hit with a cane roughly to the shin.

"I said move it, can't you let an old lady through, quit blocking the bridge," A small old woman yelled pushing herself through the shoving both Lee and Gai out of the way.

The old woman kept walking mumbling about disrespectful kids these days.

"Lee"

"Yes Gai-sensei"

"It is time for your challenge, I myself had to complete this challenge before I could face my rival in combat, and it has helped me greatly in our many youthful battles." Gai explained voice determined and serious.

Lee hung on every word eyes bright in awe of the greatness that was his sensei.

"Lee you are to stay at this bridge until you battle a worthy adversary, Me or one of your teammates will come retrieve you at dusk. Good luck my student." Gai said proudly with a sparkle in his smile.

"I'll do my best Gai-SENSEI!" Lee yelled readily, giving a good guy pose.

It was mid-morning before anyone crossed the bridge; it was Sakura-san carrying a high stack of papers, he could only tell from the hint of pink hair that you could barely see over the last sheet of paper at the very top.

She couldn't see at all, and proved so by running right into him, dropping the papers everywhere.

"Damn it, I'm sorry Lee-san, I couldn't see where I was going, Shizune piled them too high, and I of course thought I could carry them all." Sakura lamely stated with a polite smile as she scratched her cheek in embarrassment.

"It is okay my lovely Sakura-chan; I should have gotten out of your way." Lee happily exclaimed quickly gathering up all the papers and handing them back to her.

Sakura thanked him and walked a way a bit more careful of her direction now.

Lee sighed, he lost his chance to battle Sakura-chan but she was busy, he'd hate to keep her from her job, she was very important, those papers were very important documents for the Hokage, he was sure.

It was late morning before he saw anyone else from the Konoha twelve. This time it was the lazy cloud watcher.

"Shikamaru!" Lee yelled jumping to run up to the cloud watcher only to be stopped mid-step.

"This is so troublesome," Shikamaru complained in a lazy bored tone. Shikamaru was at the other side of the bridge as was Lee, by the time he could move again.

Around lunch time, Lee was once again left standing alone on the bridge opponent-less as a hungry Naruto ran him over screaming something about Ramen.

Lee didn't feel discouraged he knew when he found an opponent it would be an amazing battle of youthfulness, one that could rival the beauty of the springtime, where all his training would pay off.

"Lee!" Came a feminine yell, Lee looked up to see Tenten carrying a lunch box.

"Tenten is my training over?" Lee asked tears of horror streaming down his face.

"Training?" Tenten asked confused, "Gai-sensei just asked me to bring you lunch he said you would be here." She finished with a small smile.

"Ah thank you Tenten." Lee said giving a respectful grateful bow that was unnecessary, but polite.

Lee too busy talking to Tenten didn't notice Shino walk across the bridge and walk pass him before disappearing into the busy section of the town.

By Dusk, Lee at been passed by Naruto twice more again screaming about ramen as he passed, Sakura and Shizune both carrying stacks of paper this time, Hinata who politely stayed and talked before excusing herself to meet up with her own team for training.

Lee was starting to feel discouraged, a whole day at past without him battling anyone, what would Gai-sensei think of his failure.

Lee feel to his knees, weeping in shame of his failure, he was in the middle counting of the number of days he would have to stay at this bridge to make up for his failure, when he was hit hard with a stick across the hip, jumping up he was faced with the same old woman from the early morning.

She slung back the crane to hit him again his time in the arm; Lee easily caught it seeing it coming, this time.

The old woman attempted to yank it from his grasp only to fail. The woman yelled from him to free her crane, before he could the woman stomped his foot, then elbowed him in the stomach causing him to drop the crane.

The woman huffed she picked up her crane, straighten her clothes and stomped off the bridge nose in the air, loudly complaining about children needing more discipline.

"Lee my student what happened, did you lose your great battle against a worthy opponent." Gai exclaimed a slight worried tone.

"Looks that way, are you okay Lee" Tenten asked walking up to him placing a comforting hand on his back.

"Yes Tenten, just a little sore." Lee said with a small embarrassed smile.

"Wise words, don't block the way of an elder, especially one with a cane." Said Neji with a small amused smirk..

"Yes wise words, Neji," Gai stated confused.

Tenten just shook her head, obviously not understanding either.

"Come team, we have a mission, we have a week to complete, I expected us to finished it in half that." Gai said joyously, not noticing Tenten and Neji's heads fall.

"We can do it Gai-sensei!"

"Lee let's run into the sunset"

"Yes Gai-sensei."

With that they were both gone, leaving Tenten and Neji fanning the dust away from their faces.

* * *

Fin!

AN: OH yea I rock! GO me! –Happy dance- Shino got to do a cameo. This was So OOC for me. There were some almost slash parts but nothing as bad as my usual evilness. I'm kind of upset that I've done three chapters for this in a week and haven't update my own stories, which I'm blocked at. I'm horrible. –sobs- REVIEW PLEZ, I need support!

Tessen: are you done?

Charmed: maybe

Tessen: -strange look-

Charmed: -hugs- I love you too –giggles-

Tessen: -gets hugged- ……… Let go of me

Charmed: Ouch! why are you so mean –sobs-

Tessen: want some pocky?

Charmed: POCKY!? Strawberry or chocolate

Tessen: Chocolate.

Charmed: YUMMY!

Tessen: …….

FIN

REVIEW!! PLEZ

Thanks to all our 'Loyal' fans.

Which are few and far between!

Tessen: -hits charmed- be nice!

CHarmed: -hiss-

Tessen: -raise eyebrow- Shouldn't you be studying your test is today

Charmed: -panic- WHY ARE YOU DISTRACTING ME!! -runs off-

Tessen: ...


	24. Typo

"I'm having an ethical issue with this job."

"You can't get out of it Tessen!" yelled Charmed, "You were the one to suggest it."

"I know," said tessen as she picked up another paper, "but….these are contracts to steal, spy, and kill. My ethics class is having a fit."

"It will be okay, tessen," said the slightly muffled voice of Hikari (who was in the closet), "More than likely the contracts are to hurt bad guys anyway."

"On whose side?"

"NOT THE POINT! You must do paperwork!"

"I'm working on it." She picked up another paper and sighed as she read the memo about Gai's birthday.

Charmed picked up a black stroll, "What is this thing?"

Tessen looked up, but quickly looked back down, "It's black, so it's probably bad."

Charmed carefully put the scroll back on the shelf.

Tessen looked back up as Charmed picked up another dark scroll and as Hikari started throwing things out of the closet.

"Why don't you guys go out and….amuse yourselves? I'm going to be in here for a while."

"….You're letting us leave?"

Tessen nodded and looked up to see a small cloud of dust.

"HOLD UP!" yelled Tessen, "Take this to the print shop first. Make sure that they post up the memos in all the administrative buildings."

"What is this?"

"A memo about Gai's birthday, not sure why we're posting it though; he will still be with us."

Charmed and Hikari looked at each other before jumping up and running out of the tower. "HAVE FUN HOKAGE!" yelled Charmed.

"…"

"WHERE THE HELL IS THE PRINT SHOP?!"

"…this may be a mistake."

Anko was the first to notice the two delinquents running down the street with papers…..a lot of papers.

Unfortunately, they noticed her too.

"HEY! You're the nutty examiner!"

-glare-

"Uh…yeah. HERE!" yelled Charmed as she shoved a paper in to her hands. "Enjoy the fun!"

And both of them ran off down the street; splitting up.

Anko blinked, but looked at the paper with the Hokage's seal on the bottom of the page; and suddenly had a very evil look in her eye. She needed to deliver this very _important_ message to him right away.

Yomato was hoping for a quite day….really he was. Poor thing.

He knew that the Hokage was not in her office. He knew that most of the current Chunin were missing as well. Lady Tsunda had told him that she and the others would be gone on a mission and that someone else (highly qualified!) will be in the office at some point. But he wanted to know why he was being forced to kiss the nearest male.

Yomato looked at the memo again; just to make sure that he had read it right.

MEMO

TO: every male shinobi in the village

FROM: YOUR HOKAGE

Every guy must kiss the nearest guy immediately.

Have a mice day!

He needed to find the "Hokage" and ask him or her why he or she sent out this memo….but Ibiki was closer….

Meanwhile, Tessen is wondering where the hell the Hokage seal disappeared to.

Hana and Tsume Inuzuka watched at the male population of Kohona panicked. So far they had witnessed some amazing acrobatics of guys trying to avoid other guys, and some excellent tactical maneuvers of others guys trying to catch other guys.

And it wasn't even Friday night.

Kurenai came down the stairs at that moment and watched as Iruka jumped on to the roof trying to avoid Genma.

She turned to Tsume, "Should I even ask?"

"Probably not."

She watched as Shikaku ran down the street, trying to get away from…..his wife?

"Get back here you idiot!"

"He snuck up on me! I didn't choose to kiss him woman!"

-sweatdrop-

"…can lunch wait? I'm going to go talk to the Hokage."

Iruka was not having a good day. First Hanabi came to class talking about two people who had come to the Huyga compound to find Neji's hairbrush. Then class was called off early for Anime Day. And to top it off, everyone was trying to kiss him or running from him in terror.

Of course he was the one running at the moment.

Genma had evidently been hit on the head; because not only was he trying to kiss him; he was trying to kiss everyone else too. Iruka knew that Genma must have hit his head while drinking. This issue happened two years ago on his birthday celebration.

Poor sap.

"Genma! Snap out of it!"

"Iruka! Come back to me! You don't want to disagree with the Hokage do you?!"

Iruka sighed gustily and kept running, until he heard the sound of a fist hitting something hard. Turning he saw Ibiki holding Genma by the vest collar, very clearly knocked out.

"Iruka, do you know what this _memo_ is about?"

"No," he answered, "I was on my way to see if the it was a typo or something. I was also going to ask if Tsunade knew about the strangers in the village."

"Tsunade is not in at the moment, if I understand Yomato. But a substitute is in her place."

"What?! That doesn't make any sense."

Ibiki shrugged, "I don't understand it ether. So I'm going to investigate. Shibi Aburame and Hiashi are already going to the tower. Shibi is going to get there before us."

"Ah. But why help me?"

"Just in case it _is_ Tsunade's command..." Ibiki leaned into Iruka and managed to kiss him on the cheek before Iruka twitched hard enough to fall off the roof.

Tessen searched franticly for the missing seal. She couldn't sign anything until she found it, and she had just found some missions that didn't make her twitch too.

"Where the hell is that thing?" asked Tessen as she crawled under the desk.

"What are you looking for?"

-BANG- "SHIT"

Tessen straitened quickly to come face to face with a man in a long gray coat, sun glasses, and some facial hair.

–blinkblinkblink- Making a small sound that could be mistaken for a cat, she stepped backwards and fell into the chair (that she brilliantly forgot about) and promptly slid back under the desk.

"IT'S YOU!"

"…Hokage-sama?"

"…"

"…"

Tessen could just tell this was going to be a vigorous verbal conversation. Good thing Iruka saves the day with his timely arrival.

"HOKAGE-SAMA!!"

Tessen had just managed to stand as Iruka shoved a paper in her face.

"PLEASE, tell me this is a typo," Iruka begged.

"Oh my God."

Iruka visibility relaxed, "Then it IS a typo."

"Look at that form! That's not a memo format. Everything is in the wrong order and center aligned," Tessen looked at the document again, "and did they put 'mice' when they should have put 'nice'?"

Iruka went back to looking like he was having an asthma attack.

"Okay, how many were printed?" asked Tessen, she had a headache.

"649" answered Ibiki.

"Damn it. They couldn't even get an even number?"

The four men were having second thoughts about coming to the 'Hokage' with this problem. Ibiki had waited until Hiashi arrived with a small army of female Hyuuga as his guard. Surprisingly, nobody had tried to kiss him. Wonder why?

After Tessen had stopped complaining about the bad memo format, and completed her freak-out about having three of more intimidating men from the Naruto series in the office, she got down to business.

-Sigh- "Okay, I know how to fix this. Same thing happened last fall. First someone take this to the printing shop and the rest of you go catch Hikari and Charmed." She held out the new memo expecting the men to leave her alone; only to look up as they all gave her blank stares.

"What?"

"How do we do that, Hokage-sama?"

"Distract them with something shiny or threaten them. It's what I do." Tessen had a thoughtful look, "No, wait. That may not work. Not with you two," she said as she nodded at Hiashi and Iruka.

"Why?"

"Charmed has a thing for long haired men, and Iruka is just not that intimidating."

-Glare-

-Shrug- "Seriously, count yourselves lucky I made Hikari leave her chibi powder behind. Otherwise, Charmed would have a new Hyuuga chibi. Just do your best. If you haven't captured them by the time I finish the paperwork, I'll come help."

"And when will this be?" asked Hiashi, still glaring.

"Uh……four days?"

After dropping off the new memo to the print shop and making sure that the memos would be processed immediately (aka intimidating the hell out of the clerk), the four men decided to do the simplest plan. They would surround the two girls and usher them back to the tower. They were just two civilian girls, what could they do?

Hikari and Charmed in the meantime were happily watching the ensuing chaos of the memo. Men were jumping on rooftops, women were swooning in the street, young boys were traumatized for life, and young girls no longer felt guilty for liking two different boys at the same time. Yes, the two authors were having a great time, right up until four shadows surrounded them.

Charmed looked up to see Iruka glaring at them; which had the same effect as when Tessen glared at Charmed for saying something embarrassing….no reaction at all that is.

"IRUKA!! Cool! Just in time. Having fun?"

Hikari had the bad luck to look up to find Shibi, with one big, freaking hairy spider on his arm.

"…"

"…"

"CHARMED!! SAVE ME!!"

Hikari at this point has grabbed Charmed around the neck and Charmed became aware of the other two men.

-sweatdrop- "Are we in trouble?"

Hiashi pulled out a document and showed it to the girls, "By order of the……..temporary Hokage, we are ordered to bring you to the Hokage tower to be executed."

Both girls looked at the document in horror, before Hikari leaned in and looked at the bottom line, "No. It says that we are to be brought to the Hokage tower and the order is to be executed immediately."

Charmed sighed in relive, "Good. I thought Tessen was still mad about the bat thing."

"Bat thing?"

"Happened while you were MIA. Don't worry about it….unless it was your bat?"

"I'm not missing a bat."

Iruka had a hand over his face, they were completely encoring them! Ikabi sighed and dropped his hand as the signal to jump the conversing girls.

As the four men started toward them, both girls screamed and clutched each other. The resulting dust ball was a result of the fight. Iruka's bleeding lip was a result of Ikabi slipping and slamming into him, Ikabi's broken nose was the result of Hiashi tripping over Hikari's shoe, Hiashi's black eye was the result of Shibi trying to grab Charmed's hair, and, finally, Shibi's bruised knee cap is the result of Iruka falling into him.

When the dust ball settled, the two girls were gone, and Kohana's arguably strongest shinobi laid in a pile; trying to figure out how they received their individual injuries.

A short trip to the hospital was planed and the hunt resumed.

-Six hours later-

Tessen had managed to find a file drawer and moved it up to the office with help from Hana and Tsume Inuzuka. Kurenai was ordered to walk ahead of them and make sure that no one was in the way.

The mission orders were sorted. The missions not dealing with death, espionage, or seductions were sent to the mission assignment area to be handed out; the ones that were not sent out she decided that Tsunade could take care of when she got back. None of them were on a time limit anyway.

Various books and scrolls were put away, maps rolled up, and every memo, report, and letter sorted into folders. Everything was essentially done thanks in large part to the other women. Tessen had no idea how the missions were ranked, so the fact that someone could just tell her what was good for Genin and what was good for ANBU moved things along very quickly.

Tessen sighed as she took the Hokage's hat off the chair, "Okay, that's it. Guess I better go find Hikari and Charmed. Thank you for your help. Tsunade should be back fairly soon."

Hana looked up from folding up the last map, "Why did the Hokage let you do her paperwork anyway?"

"Charmed and Hikari get distracted easily."

"…"

"Okay, it was just part of the deal we had with her."

Kurenai sat down for a moment, looking at one of the old books from the shelf, "And when can I expect my team to come back?"

"…Damn good question. I'll get back to you on that."

Tsune waved a hand, "Don't bother bring Kiba back soon."

This surprised Tessen, "Why?"

"We are painting his room. He always complains about the paint smell when we do; even if we use no odoer paint. I want to see if he actually notices the new paint if he doesn't know about it."

"…sounds like my brother. ANYWAY! Thanks again. Your various Teams/family/Chuunin/nutcases will return from the S-Class mission soon."

Tsune stopped her as she passed by, "Who is going to be in charge while Tsunade is gone?"

Tessen plucked the triangle hat on top of Kurenai's head as she walked out the door, "Kurenai can. You two are her assistants, is that cool? Have fun! I was going to choose Iruka or Shibi but they are not back yet. Their loss."

The pursuit of the two chaotic delinquents had destroyed two fountains, three food stands, one wagon, eight tables, and a chair. However, the four men had cornered the two in the forest and were in large debate whether or not it would be a good idea to throw them into the Forest of Death when they were finally caught.

The four men calmly crept up to the two girls who, somehow, were going to try to hold them back with eight sticks of odango, a hairbrush, a box of instant ramen, grapes, enumerus bags of gummy candy, and a pair of chopsticks.

It looked like a scene from any American western that promised disaster, mayhem, and a large amount of destruction……..until Tessen made it over the hill and looked at the two groups glaring at each other (or in Charmed, Hikari, and Iruka's case; showing teeth).

-sweatdrop- -sigh-

"HOLD IT!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TWO THINKING!?" Tessen suddenly came down the hill at a fast pace and the two delinquents knew this was not going to end in their favor.

"AH! TESSEN! WE LOVE YOU, DON'T KILL US!"

Tessen walked right up into Charmed's face and glared, "What was that memo? The formatting was horrible! You DON'T center align the text in a memo! I told you this before!"

"…WHY ARE YOU GLARING AT ME?! IT WAS HIKARI'S FORMATTING!"

"…it was? Oh. Sorry."

"Why do you always glare at me when it's HIKARI that did it!" yelled Charmed, throwing her hands up.

"I don't know! Hikari just has this air if innocence that is really convincing! I'm sorry!"

At this point Iruka had face planted to the ground, Shibi and Hiashi both had a sweatdrop, and Ikabi looked like he wanted aspirin…..or a sledgehammer.

"At any rate, I'm done with the paper work. We better go back now. Did you get the stuff?"

"YES!" answered Hikari since Charmed was acting gloomy in the background, "We have ramen, grapes, gummy candy, Neji's hair brush, odango for us, and Choji's special grilling chopsticks!"

"Okay, good. I got fruit, vegetables, soup mix, rice, cake mix, and meat. I managed to find a stuffed turtle for Gai's birthday, everyone else is getting gift cards; that way we don't have to come back just for someone's birthday. Let's get going."

"You're not mad about the memo?"

"Yeah. But I never told Hikari how to format a memo so…."

"No, I mean what the memo did."

"Honestly, no. I figured you guys would do _something_; not on this scale but whatever."

Tessen turns back to the four shinobi, "You guys can go back now. Your checks are at the Hokage tower. Thanks for babysitting." She turned back to the delinquents, "Let's move out."

The four men watched at the girls disappeared down the path, but it was Hiashi that finally said something.

"Did we just complete a D-rank babysitting mission?"

"It better be an S-rank babysitting mission," answered Ibiki.

Tessen: Anyone want to hear my lame ass excuse for not updating?!

-crickets-

Tessen: Okay good. I don't want to give one.

Charmed: Mean.

Tessen: Tired. Honestly, at first, I was just having trouble getting this story to move on, and then we had people coming in, job searching, college stuff, and finally; Charmed and myself had to get our wisdom teeth out (all four). Anyway, we should ether have more stores up or should be completing this soon; so keep an eye out and a thank you to everyone that has reviewed the story.


	25. Blame Game

Charmed: HAYO SUPPORTERS! We "Tessen and ME" are posting this., to inform you that we have hit a block, repeatedly and roughly. And we have reasons... FIRST AND FORTH MOST it's HIKARI's Fault. It's her turn to post and she isn't finishing anything. Like Little mermaid that she started LAST YEAR . Also there was a CHRISTMAS Special that all she had to do was FINISH!! Since I wrote the beginning of it. SO see it's her fault that nothing has been posted in months.

Tessen: There's that chapter you wrote MONTHS ago.

Charmed: ... That's suppose to be the end?! IT'S HER TURN!!

Tessen: She's been busy... but we have too, you graduated and are looking for a job, I'm about to graduate... never mind

Charmed: So, we are coming to you; our WONDERFUL FANS and SUPPORTERS

Tessen: and casual passerbyers

Charmed: To help US, with ideas. It has to be a favorite fairy tales like little pigs and sleeping beauty...and so forth

Tessen: nothing too long...

Charmed: you're lazy –giggles-

Tessen: -glares- I'm not lazy, I just don't want to have to read a 15 chapter story just to find out what it is about.

Charmed: OKAY

Tessen: they should also suggest who they want to write it.

Charmed: for that though I'll need my TALENT back... I'm not going to mention names but a certain reviewer/fan stole it...

Tessen: -hits charmed with manga-

Charmed: HEY that hurt...hey that's the new PetShop of Horrors: TOKYO. MINE GIVE ME GIVE ME!!

Tessen: -holding manga just out of reach- We want to add a disclaimer also: don't expect us to take every suggestion and don't be offended if the suggested author doesn't write it, nothing personal but we don't know how many suggestions we will get or what will be coming up in the future.

Charmed: this is war! HAND OVER THE MANGA!

Tessen: -ignoring- Also, be sure that the suggestions are fairy tales not novels or books. That's another story that at some point we will get to. –drops manga-

Charmed: -attacks manga- MINE MINE MINE. –flips open and starts to read.-

Hikari walks in: What's this?

Tessen: -slowly backs out side door-

Charmed: -still reading- why is it so cold in here –continues to read-

Hikari: -evil level rising-

Charmed: -shivers- Oh this is getting good... –continues to read-

Hikari: -right behind Charmed- What you reading?"

Charmed: NEW Petshop Horrors TOKYO –stills- That doesn't sound like Tessen...SHIT! HI HIKARI, I MISS YOU... DID YOU MISS ME?! –looks nervous-

HIkari: -overly sweet- OF course... Charmed-chan what's this –holds up latest post (see above)-

Charmed: HEHEHEHEH funny thing that... –darts-

Hikari: -grabs Charmed by Hair-

Charmed: OWIE –stills tries to run, looses hair tie-

Hikari: -glares-

Tessen: -sticks head back in, feels guilty...-

Hikari: Now you die!

Tessen: -not that guilty- HIKARI! SPIDER! –runs-

Hikari: EEK!

Charmed: -runs and hide- SHINO!!

Hikari: -plans revenge- I wonder where Neji is...

-convenient blackout-

-somewhere in the tower of delinquency; Neji sneezes and Sasuke hands him a tissue-

poppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppopBANG

Our lovely reviewers!

Anya Shizuka

black laurel

Cheri-Pop

_Thank you for the reviews! They made all of us laugh like mad. _

Cougra139

dragonluv13

Hali-chan

jllpill82

k

HI K!!

Kyuubigrl1498

_First note (Tessen):_

_Sorry, it's taking a long time just to reply to our reviewers. Thank you for the suggestion but midnight fox is a novel (unless you mean something else), we are trying to separate the fairytales from novels and TV shows/movies._

_Second note:_

_What "um..."? OO_

Narinu-chan

ninjitsu-sage47

_Tessen: You should be aware of the side effects of Charmeds talent...chronic lateness for example..._

_Charmed: I'm not late for everything...-whine- Why don't you steal Hikari's talent, she NOT USING IT!_

one-lone-nutcase

Charmed: I LOVE YOUR NAME!!

R0CK Lea

SoulSpirtHeart

_Thank you for all of your great reviews! You review the most for this story and we really appreciate it._

Subuku no Jess

_Tessen: Thanks for your suggestions! Charmed is actually trying to write a Mulan story...don't remember who is who but she's working on it last time I asked. It's not technically a fairy tale so it will go into our other story collection when/if she gets it done. –snorts- I love the idea of three musketeers...I'll see what I can do._

The mountain sage

(If we missed you: TELL US!)

poppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppopBANG

Charmed: I would like to State that "WE"

Tessen: Mostly Her

Charmed: that WE –glares- LOVE HIKARI and don't care that she's not updating, WE understand that she is busy and has Writer's block. –looks at tessen nervously-

Tessen: -looks just as nervously-

TOGETHER: DON'T KILL US, WE LOVE YOU HIKARI! IT WAS HER IDEA –points at each other-


	26. Super late Xmas Special part 1

SUPER LATE XMAS SPECIAL

PART ONE

The morning was still and quiet everyone was sleeping peacefully. Not even Naruto's snoring or Sasuke's sleep talking threats could disturb them. The ninja knew nothing of the upcoming holiday, only their three kidnappers….I mean hostesses did.

Tessen grabbed her script and exited her locked up room rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Only to be pushed to the ground.

"Sorry Tessen-san" Shouted Tenten behind a stack of holiday decoration that was blocking her view and stood about a foot over her head.

"What's going on?" Tessen asked loudly over the noise of everyone talking.

Tenten was already gone.

Tessen walked around looking for either Hikari or Charmed for an explanation.

Looking around the place looked like Christmas exploded everywhere. There was lights, blow up Christmas displays. All the girls and Itachi were in elf outfits complete with pointy ears and jingle bells. The boys were in complete reindeer getups complete with antlers, and name tags.

"Look Tessen I'm Ran—dolph Believe It." a happy Naruto cheered, who sported a glowing red nose.

"It's Rudolph Naruto." Tessen corrected trying not to stare at his glowing nose.

"Rudolph, that's a stupid name." Naruto stated, walking away.

"Wait, where is Charmed or Hikari," Tessen yelled to Naruto.

"Oh, hmm, I saw them, don't remember where." Naruto called running off.

"That was helpful." Tessen sighed.

"What was?" asked a voice from behind Tessen.

"AHH"

Tessen held her heart, turned to look at a smiling Hikari.

"Good morning Tessen." Hikari said with a bright smile too bright Tessen thought for the non morning person that Hikari was.

"Why are you up so early?" Tessen asked not trusting her motives.

"Charmed woke me up." Hikari supplied lamely.

"Why?" Tessen supplied.

"To decorate." Hikari stated with a smile.

"Why" Tessen asked again.

"Because she woke up this morning and realized that Christmas was a few days away." Hikari stated.

"Who's paying for this?" Tessen asked fearing for the worst.

"It so happens that we have two very rich and influential people under our control right now." Charmed stated appearing behind Hikari, only to throw her arm around; Hikari's shoulders.

"Who?" Tessen asked.

"Well the fourth Kazekage and the five Hokage, of course" Charmed supplied with a manipulative smile.

"And they agree to this, costumes and all." Tessen asked not believing any of it.

"Yea sure, we'll go with that." Hikari and Charmed said together.

"Do you like the decorations Tessen" Charmed whined looking at Tessen expectedly.

"Hmmm sure." Tessen said lamely. "But why, they don't celebrate Christmas."

Charmed looked confused, "we do."

"Yes I know but they don't" Tessen argued.

"Now they do." Hikari stated with a smile causing Charmed to cheer in agreement.

"Tessen we're doing Secret Santa, who do you want to buy for." Charmed cheered happily jumping around Tessen.

"Secret Santa?" Tessen stated confused.

"yes!" Charmed Cheered excitedly. "Who do you want to shop for?"

"I'm not supposed to be able to pick." Tessen said lamely "that's the point of secret Santa"

"We'll pick for you then." Hikari said happily.

"To the list; which is in the office." Charmed chanted, grabbing both girls by the arm and dragging them along

"Okay, Hikari who do you want to gift?" asked charmed from the other side of a long piece of paper.

"Hmmm" Hikari thinks tapping chin in thought. "Deidara!"

"Deidara?" Tessen asked confusedly, "I thought you'd choose Naruto."

"Yea but I have an awesome gift idea for Deidara." Hikari said with an evil smirk.

"AWESOME!" Charmed screamed.

"Tessen you get to gift……random picks SUSHI-SAN"

"Sushi-san..." The gears are turning in Tessen's head "WHAT!?"

"I can't give him a gift." Tessen screamed.

"Yea you can!" Charmed cheered. "I'll help."

"Okay," Tessen said feeling slightly worried, but Charmed wasn't crazy enough to gift a seven foot tall shark man a gift that he'd end up killing us for…..right?

"Okay we're done." Charmed cheered rolling up the list.

"Who'd you chose?" Hikari asked.

"Sasuke." Charmed stated calmly too calmly it was scary.

"GAARA!" Charmed yelled, only to have Gaara appear still decked out in reindeer outfit.

"Gaara-kun, round everyone, we are having a meeting." Charmed cooed happily, resisting the tackle him in a hug.

"Where's Shino?" Tessen asked.

"I gave him the holiday off, Gaara is filling in, isn't that nice of him." Charmed said with a big smile.

"Yep" Hikari cheered happily.

Tessen just wonder if he volunteer due to blackmail or if he was getting something out it, probably a little of both.

"Here Tessen," Hikari stated giving Tessen a Santa hat. Tessen just noticed they both were wearing one.

"All right!" Charmed cheered with a big smile and a wave to ninja coming in the room.

"Don't they look cute Tessen" Charmed cheered looking around the room, at the

Unhappy faces.

"Yea" Tessen said lamely hoping no punches got thrown.

"Okay, in a few days is Christmas, so we decide that we'd celebrate with you guys, by decorating and doing secret Santa." Charmed cheered happily.

"Any questions?" Charmed asked.

"Why are we dressed like idiots?" Ino gabbed an angrily in her elf outfit.

"You dressed funny before that isn't my problem." Charmed stated with a smile. "But this outfit is a requirement."

"Why aren't you wearing one?" Sakura huffed unhappy with her outfit also.

"Because we are in charge so we get to wear the hats." Charmed stated.

"Duh" Charmed continued.

"Anyone else hate the outfits?" charmed asked only to receive tons of raised hands, from all the boys but Shikamaru, Naruto, on the girl side Ino Sakura and Temari had raised their hands while Hinata and Tenten looked uncomfortable.

"Too bad" Charmed said happily.

"Any other questions." Charmed asked.

"What's secret Santa?" Hinata asked shyly.

"Thank you for asking Hina-chan." Charmed said smiling big.

"Hikari would you like to explain." Charmed asked with a smile.

"sure" Hikari said happily, "Secret Santa is were you pull a name from a box or a hat and you buy a gift for that person, but you aren't allow to tell anyone whose name you got until you exchange gifts."

"Any questions." Charmed asked, seeing several hands go up, "no you can't get out of it; you are required to do this. By ruler of the Kazekage and the Hokage."

Hands when down, everyone in the room looked to Gaara who just leaned against the wall glaring at them, though not looking terrifying in a reindeer suit.

"Anyway form a line." Charmed stated daring them not to form the line with a fierce glare.

"this is how this is going to go you will step forward pick a name then you will show it to Tessen who will write it down, the name you pick is finally unless you pick you own name then you will pick again. And again you tell no one who you got or we'll get you."

"First person step up."

"Please stick around until everyone has chosen a name." Charmed yelled from her sit from the other side of Hikari.

"Kankuro!"

Kankuro stepped forward glaring at Charmed who smiled back he pulled out a slip of paper and looked confusedly at the name, then tossed it a Tessen, who jotted down the name Tobi.

"Tenten"

Tenten gave a small smile and picked a slip of paper, she looked slightly nervous, and then gave the name to Tessen, Gaara.

"Lee"

Lee leaped forward with a bright smile pulling out a slip of paper, looking at it and then giving it to Tessen who wrote down the name, Ino.

"Kiba"

Kiba came forward and grabbed a slip of paper, glancing at it then giving it to Tessen who wrote down, Temari.

"Shikamaru"

Shikamaru lazily walked forward pulling out a sheet of paper, handing the paper to Tessen, who wrote down Tessen.

"What!" "Charmed you didn't say our names were in these." Tessen yelled at Charmed.

"Hehehehe, you don't want a gift?" Charmed said lamely as Hikari laughed at her.

"Chouji!" Charmed yelled avoiding being hit.

Chouji stepped forward munching on his chips, grabbing a slip of paper he looked at it then gave it to Tessen, who was still glaring at Charmed, wrote down Hikari.

"Ino"

Ino stepped forward with a hopeful face, pulling out a slip of paper just to get pale really pale she handed the slip to Tessen with wide eyes, Tessen jotted Itachi.

"Sai"

Sai came forward flashing everyone a fake smile, pulling out a slip looking at it then giving it to Tessen who jotted down, Shino.

"Sushi-san"

Kisame moved forward pulling out a potato chip.

"That's mine" Chouji yelled.

Kisame popped it in his mouth much to Chouji dismay, pulling another sheet of paper out giving a sharky smile then tossed it to Tessen, who jotted down Chouji.

"Okay the people already mentioned will be in Hikari's group, she will be in charge of making sure you all get gifts, Tessen will help you find the gift, and any of us can help you will ideas. You people can leave with Hikari." Charmed said.

"Okay next group will be mine" Charmed continued with a smile.

"Gaara!" Gaara stepped forward, hesitantly placing a hand in the pulling out a slip of paper; he glance at it then showed it to Tessen who jotted Sakura down before taking the slip.

"Temari!"

Temari stepped forward looking like a grumpy elf, placing her hand in and pulling out a slip of paper looking at it giving a sigh she showed it to Tessen, who jotted down Kankuro.

"Buggie-kun"

Shino stepped forward and pulled out a sheet of paper, then handed it to Tessen, who wrote down, Sai.

"Neji-kun"

Neji stepped forward with a scowl on his face he picked a slip reading it he glared at Tessen.

"I want to choose again." Neji demanded.

"Can't" Tessen stated not effected by the death glare.

Neji slammed the paper down Tessen jotted down the name, Charmed.

"Who'd he get" Charmed said trying to peek, "must've been bad to get that response."

"You'll have to wait and see," Tessen said sounding quite evil.

"O Kay" "Sakura!"

Sakura stepped forward looking fearful pulling out a sheet of paper she let out a sigh and handed it to Tessen who wrote down, Tenten.

"Naruto"

Naruto rushed forward picking a name, with a grin he handed it to Tessen who jotted down Neji.

"Emo"

No one moves forward.

"Come on Sake" Charmed yelled

"It's Sasuke, Charmed." Tessen laughed

"I said Sas..uke." Charmed yelled back

"What did you say?" Tessen asked.

"I SAID SAKE." Charmed yelled, "

Damnit" Charmed said realizing her error, "get up here Emo boy."

With a push from Naruto Sasuke moved forward, pulling out a sheet of paper. Then hands it to Tessen, who write down Lee.

"Hinata"

Hinata moving forward, shyly pulling out a sheet of paper, only to blush, and hand it to Tessen quickly who writes down, Naruto.

"DeiDei"

Deidara walks forward glaring at them both, picking a sheet of paper

"Who the hell is this..un" Deidara yells.

"Reveal the name aloud which is breaking the rule, Deidei-kun and I'll make you sure you regret it." Charmed said sweetly causing Deidara to glare at her and toss the paper to Tessen.

Tessen jots down the name Kiba.

"Tobi"

Tobi runs up, picking a name, before handing it to Tessen who jots down the name, Hinata.

"Itachi"

Itachi moved forward hair still braided with ribbons, Neji's ribbons, and picked a slip of paper.

"Cute" Itachi commented, before handing it to Tessen, who wrote down Shikamaru.

"Tessen is that everyone!" Charmed asked excitedly.

"Yep" Tessen replied looking at the list, this was going to be interesting if anything.

"Yay! Okay people lets get this started, don't forget if you're having problem with gift ideas you can come to any of us for suggestions." Charmed stated with a wide smile.

"If you already know what you're getting your person, stay with Tessen." Charmed said as she head to the door, leaving a glaring Tessen.

Tessen looked up to see, the room as already half full or as her pessimist attitude supplied, while her optimist side said half empty, she prefer the latter of the two.

Naruto, Temari, Shikamaru, Chouji, Naruto, Itachi, Lee, Sakura, Sai, Gaara, Shino, and Hinata were standing around waiting on her to acknowledge them she wanted them to go away.

With a sigh Tessen spoke, "please form a line"

Tessen pulled out a sheet of paper, "okay, I want you to write down your name and your gift, but not who it's to, you will be given the item back for wrapping and exchange. One by one they all signed the paper.

"I'll have them all to you by tomorrow the day after at the latest." Tessen stated.

They nodded and left.

Once they were gone, Tessen looked over the list; it was an odd array of items.

Hikari and charmed where working very hard, or that's what they told Tessen, when they were approached by Tenten and Tessen.

"Hey girls; Tenten needs some help with a gift idea." Tessen supplied.

"Who for?" Hikari questioned.

Tenten refused to answer, following the rules.

"That helps" Charmed said sarcastically.

Earning a glare from Tessen, "Tenten you could always get them something useful that would help them, like a weapon,

"They don't need that." Tenten injected.

"Okay, clothing or something that would help with travel." Tessen continued.

Tenten looked deep in thought then nodded bowing thanks then running off.

"So Hikari what are you getting Deidei-chan" Charmed questioned.

"Something awesome," Hikari stated with an evil smile.

"Tessen what are you getting Sushi-san" Charmed questioned.

"Who? ……oh I don't know." Said Tessen with a sigh she was tired.

"Let me take care of it, I have the perfect gift in mind." Charmed pleaded.

"Okay." Tessen stated.

"Did you get Sasuke's present?" Hikari questioned.

"Yep it'll be here tomorrow." Charmed said happily.

A knock on the door, interrupted them, in walked Sasuke, Ino and Kiba.

"That's an odd group" Charmed stated earning a nod and grin from Hikari.

"How can we help?" Tessen supplied politely though she really just wanted to nap.

"Suggestions" Ino supplied for the group.

Each one of them when to a different person, Sasuke to Tessen, Kankuro to Hikari and Kiba to Charmed, oddly enough they when to the ones they felt where safe.

Sasuke left with the idea of giving something challenging.

Kankuro left with the idea of giving something useful.

Kiba left with the knowledge to get something cute like a puppy when he let it slip that it was a girl he was shopping for.

It was the last day to order and four people had yet to order a gift.

The lovely hostesses split up to look for them.

Hikari was the first one to find her target, Kisame, who was passed out drunk. Knowing she may regret this, she swiftly kicked him, only to end up with a snoring Kisame and a hurt aching foot.

Glaring at the tall fish she grabbed his half empty bottle of sake he was holding like a teddy bear, and was going to pour it on him only to have him grab it back and glare at her.

"That's mine, short stuff." He said with a drunken slur.

Ignoring the short remark, "did you buy your gift?" Hikari yelled at him glaring.

"What gift….oh for the fat boy……no, here give him this" Kisame rambled throwing the now empty bottle of sake at her.

Hikari glared at him and left stupid fish.

Meanwhile Tessen was dealing with Deidara, who was ignoring her and grumbling.

"Have you got your gift yet?" Tessen asked for the seventh time in the last five minutes.

"Do you need help?" Tessen asked only to be silenced with a death glare.

Tessen was tired of this, "Blondie you listen here, I'm sleepy and now going to put up with your Bullshit if you don't tell me what you want ordered right this second, I'll let Charmed have you." Tessen yelled; face red, eyes hard, Deidara looked slightly paler.

"I don't even know of the little shit is." Deidara yelled back.

"What's the name?" Tessen yelled back.

"Ciba or something." Deidara grumbled.

"Ciba…oh Kiba, he's the one with the dog." Tessen explained.

"Okay" Deidara said, thinking, "I have a gift idea,"

"Okay, here write it down." Tessen said with a grateful sigh.

Deidara quickly wrote it down.

Charmed was with the always youthful and excited Tobi.

"Tobi doesn't know who this is" Tobi explained.

"What's the name?" Charmed asked.

"Tobi can't tell it's against the rules, Tobi is a good boy." Tobi whined.

Charmed ignored the fact that he was a missing nin claiming to be a good boy.

"Well how can I help you if I don't know who you picked?" Charmed stated, with a smile. "You don't want them to get a bad gift do you, what kind of good boy would you be if you allow that to happen." Charmed continued.

"Tobi is a good boy" Tobi exclaimed upset. "Tobi got Hinata's name."

Charmed smiled, "oh that's easy" Charmed whisper the rest of it in his ear.

Hikari and Tessen had met back up to go after Neji, who had yet to order anything.

Before they could even speak, he did "No, I not getting that woman anything."

"Who?" Hikari questioned

"Charmed" Tessen supplied.

"Oh" Hikari stated.

It was the day of the grand gift exchange everyone was excited, well most were excited others were just there.

"Okay Group Charmed will go first." Tessen said, feeling much better now that she had a nap.

"Oh yeah I'm first!" Charmed cheered.

"Everyone have their gifts, okay find your person and give the gift to them." Charmed shouted only to have no one move.

"Okay," Charmed just stared.

Finally someone moved forward it was Gaara, he moved toward Sakura he handled her a small wrapped gift, then walked away, Sakura gingerly unwrapped it to find a sand medical scroll.

"YAY, Gaara way to get the ball rolling." Charmed screamed happily.

Itachi skipped forward to a slouched Shikamaru handing him a brightly wrapped item, with a giant pink bow.

Sakura avoiding Itachi walked up to Tenten handing her a wrapped box. Tenten gave her a smile unwrapping the gift to find a new kunai, and a weapon care kit.

Temari walked up to her brother, tossing a gift at him.

Unwrapping it quickly.

"What the hell, Temari." Kankuro yelled holding up the geisha doll.

"Well you're always playing with dolls I just got you a pretty one." Temari said, ignoring her brother's protests that they were puppets not dolls.

Shino walked forward handing Sai a gift who opened it to reveal a sketchbook. Sai gave him a nod and a fake smile.

"Neji!" yelled Naruto running up to the now un-chibi Neji (shortage of chibi power during the holidays.)

Naruto ignore his glare and handed him a bright orange bag with Neji written largely across it.

Neji accepted the gift and opened it knowing that Naruto wouldn't leave until he did. He opened it to find much to his annoyance, Bright neon orange ribbons.

Of course Naruto was gone before he looked up.

"Naruto-kun"

Naruto looked over his shoulder to find a blushing shy Hinata, looking down her at feet glancing up to look at his face only to quickly look down.

"Hey Hinata-chan" Naruto exclaimed excitedly.

Hinata struggled with words before just throwing her hand out with a small envelope saying a quick "here"

Naruto took the envelope, opening it to find a Ramen gift card. Naruto grabbed Hinata and twirled her around hugging her tightly, then thanking her quickly and running away telling everyone what Hinata got him.

Hinata fell to her knees just sitting there, face aflame. She didn't even notice the masked Akatsuki approaching her with a purple gift bag, until it was in front of her face.

Slipping her hand in the bag, she pulled out a plushy a Naruto plushy.

Looking to the masked Akatsuki face burning red.

"Tobi good boy, Charmed-san said that Hinata-chan could sleep with it until she gets the real one to sleep with."

Those were the last words Hinata heard before she passed out.

Hikari, Tessen were watching the festivities when Lee came running up. "Tessen-san, Hikari-san, Sasuke gave me this and I don't understand it." Lee said with tears running down his face.

"What?" Tessen and Hikari asked.

Lee showed them the rubrics cube.

"Oh it's a mind challenge...kind of you try to get all the same color on each side." Tessen try to explain.

"Think of it as youthful challenge, training." Hikari said with a smile.

"Yes I see, thank you Hikari-san" Lee stated joyously running off.

Deidara reached the dog boy of his own free will or more correctly being dragged by that bitch charmed, as if reading his thought she yanked his hair harder.

"Deidei give Kiba his gift." Charmed ordered.

Deidara glared at her then tossed the paper bag at the flea bag.

Kiba opened the bag to find a leash and collar; he looked confusedly at Charmed and Deidara.

"That's sweet it's for Akamaru right." Charmed said.

Kiba just looked at it.

"No it's for Viba" Deidara said cockily, mispronouncing his name.

"Deidei I didn't know you were into that stuff." Charmed purred evilly.

"What?" Deidara yelled.

"You want to lead Kiba on a leash, kinky, I knew Aladdin didn't bother you that bad, you liked Itachi all over you." Charmed purred, Kiba had already ran away, getting away from the sickos.

"You're one sick bitch." Deidara said getting away from her.

Only to hear Charmed laughing.

Tessen had a feeling she need to get away and quick, but before she could move an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Tessen-y, time to go give 'your' gift to Sushi" Charmed said happily.

Tessen was filled with the feeling as if these were her last moments on earth.

"Sushi!" Charmed yelled, as they found a drunk Kisame, wearing antlers, and Naruto's red nose.

"Sushi, Tessen-y-san got you a gift!" Charmed cheered happily only to be ignored, "hey you stupid SONAFISH I'M TALKING TO YOU!" Charmed yelled, only to receive a loud laugh.

"Okay, let me have it." Kisame replied with a smirk.

Charmed smirk and handed him a huge gift that said SUSHI on it. He opened the box to find a bowl a fish bowl with a small goldfish in it.

He threw his head back and laughed.

"Told you he'd like it," Charmed gloated to a pale Tessen.

"Sushi, he's name is Jaws, and he comes with theme music" Charmed said grabbing a small tape recorder out of the bag pushing play only to get the theme music to Jaws.

Tessen grabbed Charmed's arm in an attempt to drag her away, before they got too far, Charmed yelled back, "Hey Sushi you eat him and I'll kill you." Kisame laughed it off even as Charmed kept doing the cut your throat motion as Tessen pulled him away.

Once they were far away from him, Tessen turned on Charmed, "you gave him a fish."

"No not any fish a goldfish;" Charmed said with a smile, completely ignoring the panic look Tessen gave her.

"Oh I got to give Emo his gift, be back later Tessen-y" Charmed said happily, skipping away.

Charmed found Sasuke hiding in the shadows arms crossed looking very emo-ish.

"Sasuke-kun, I got you a gift." Charmed purred, appearing next to Sasuke completely freaking him out, "I got you some things I knew you could use and enjoy."

Charmed him a neatly wrapped basket, hesitantly he unwrapped it to find all sorts of odd items.

"Here I'll explain them." Charmed said sweetly.

"This one here is lubrication, and yes it's favored, this is booty ease, it helps with the pain, this is time in a bottle, helps with minute men -wink- this here is great head in several flavors, and of course candy panties, and these are toys, this one is a vibrating butt pug, this is the not vibrating butt pug and this is anal beads and of course we have the blindfold and handcuffs." Charmed said holding up each item as she described it.

Sasuke was just staring; he could feel his face aflame. He watched Charmed get up giving his cheek a little pinch and telling him behave then walking off.

How he hated her.

Hikari was pulling an upset Neji through the crowd.

Going pass Tessen she called to help with the un-chibi Neji, he was easier to deal with when he was chibi.

Everyone watched as Neji was pulled through the crowd toward the middle where a happy Charmed stood.

"Hey girls, Hikari I think my group is done." charmed said happily.

"Not yet." Hikari said.

"Who's left?" Charmed questioned confused.

Tessen and Hikari pushed a grumpy Neji in front of Charmed.

"Neji-kun" Charmed purred "you're not chibi anymore."

"Chibi Powder shortage." Hikari explained from behind him.

"So who's Neji got to gift to," Charmed questioned

Neji just crossed his arms and looked away, making Charmed want to coo how cute.

"Give her, her gift, Neji" Hikari said in a threaten tone.

Neji dropped his arms and walked in front of Charmed.

Making Charmed realize he was really tall, pretty, Charmed was dazed.

With a grunt, Neji's arms when out in a wide come to me gesture, Charmed catching on squealed like a fan girl running into his arms hugging him tight. Rubbing her face into his shoulder, with a happy giggle, Neji loosely arms around Charmed.

A minute passed and Charmed was in no way loosing up her hold, Neji try to dislodge her, only for her to latch on more.

How had he let these women talk him into this?

Tessen took this moment to announce Hikari's group to exchange gifts.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

END PART ONE!

AN: Okay this has been done forever, it was awaiting Part two, but alas Hikari, has writer's block. well me and Tessen decided to go ahead and post this part. Part two, will come soon one way or another. Sorry for the super long Delay, Updates will be coming sooner or we will post this story complete. Thank you all for you support and patience with this.

MUCH LOVE, CHARMED-CHAN


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